fic: it always comes around (disney rpf, nick/miley, 4/4)
Title: It Always Comes Around
Author: empressearwig
Pairing: Nick/Miley
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5,100 for this part
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is all for fun. This didn’t happen. Etc.
Summary: Two weeks in June.
Author’s Notes: I was going to finish this before I started posting, but then I realized just how long it was going to be and said screw it. Thanks to various people who read this against their will. If anyone is interested, you can find the accompanying fanmix HERE.
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
The entire flight to Dallas Miley's one big ball of nervous energy.
Her mom keeps shooting her these amused looks that would probably make her mad if she could concentrate on them long enough to be mad about them. But she's listening to Before the Storm on repeat one, making sure she remembers every word, every note. She wants tonight to be perfect. She needs tonight to be perfect. She has to be perfect, she has to do that for Nick.
She might not be able to give him everything that he wants, but she can give him this. She will give him this.
A car picks them up at the airport and takes them to the venue. When they get there, she sees that there are already crowds of people outside, and she wonders how on earth they're going to get inside without anyone seeing her, since someone decided that her appearance should be a surprise. Not that she actually expects it to be a surprise, she'd read rumors of her showing up before Nick even asked her.
They're hurried inside by security and Miley gawks a little at the size of the place. She's used to big stages, to arenas, but this is something else. She's so incredibly proud of Nick, of all the boys, because this is amazing.
She's shown to her dressing room and to her surprise, Nick's there waiting for her. He grins at her and she lets out an embarrassing little squeak and runs at him, throwing her arms around his neck.
"Hey Miles," he says into her hair, his arms wrapped tightly around her back. "You happy to see me or something?"
"Shut up," she says, and she can actually feel tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Wow is she being a girl right now. She blinks them back, and looks up at him, beaming with as bright a smile as she's ever smiled. God, she is so happy to be here. "Hi."
"Hi," Nick murmurs, bringing a hand up to cup her face. He bends his head and kisses her gently, and she melts in his arms. She tightens her arms around him, moving closer so there are no spaces between them. Nick's hand is splayed out across her back and she can feel the heat from his palm burning into her skin. This, this connection, it's what she's been missing since he left.
Being in his arms makes her feel whole.
They're interrupted by Joe barging into the room singing the opening lines of Sweet Caroline, and Miley bursts out laughing, burying her head in Nick's chest to muffle her laughter, and she can practically feel Nick glaring at Joe over her shoulder.
Undeterred, Joe says, "Sorry kids. Hey Miles, how was your trip?"
Miley extracts herself from Nick's arms and turns to face Joe, reaching out to give him a big hug, because yeah, she missed him too. "Uneventful. Pretty fancy operation you guys got here," she says, stepping back to Nick's side, slipping her hand into his.
Joe waggles his eyebrows at her. "You ain't seen nothing yet." He looks over at Nick. "We're going to sound check Before the Storm first, right?"
Nick nods. "That's the plan." He looks down at Miley, and smiles at her foolishly, and her heart clenches with happiness. "Gotta keep it a secret."
She laughs. "Yeah, I'm sure no one noticed me coming into the building. It's not like there aren't already hundreds of girls waiting outside."
"We have devoted fans," Joe says solemnly, or at least as solemnly as Joe can manage. He almost pulls it off, but spoils the effect by laughing. "Nick, when are we doing this thing?"
Nick shrugs, but looks down at his watch. “I think in about half an hour? Go ask Kevin.”
Joe shoots them a knowing look, a smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth. “I can take a hint. Have fun, you two.” He heads out the door, whistling That’s Amore under his breath, and Miley turns her face into Nick’s shoulder, laughing once again. She adores these boys, she really does.
Nick tugs on her hair and Miley looks up at him, still laughing. She’s so happy she feels like she could laugh forever. She wants to laugh forever.
He tugs on her hair again and says, “You know, a less secure person might be getting a complex right about now.”
Which only makes her laugh harder. But she shifts, wrapping her arms around his neck again, and says through her giggles, “Aw, I’m sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?”
“Well,” Nick drawls. “Weren’t you supposed to be making last night up to me anyway? That’s two you owe me now, Miles.”
“Right,” she nods, trying to keep a smile off her face. “Well, a promise is a promise. And you know I always keep my promises.”
She rises on her toes and brushes her mouth against his. It’s just a teasing kiss, and Nick makes an impatient sound low in his throat, and she smiles against his lips. She bites gently at his lower lip and sweeps her tongue into his mouth and this time he makes an approving noise and tightens his arms around her, running his thumb along the gap between her jeans and her shirt.
She shivers a little at the contact and thinks that it’s totally unfair that he can do that to her when he’s barely touching her.
But then Nick pulls away and trails kisses down the column of her throat and she can’t think at all, especially when he lingers at that spot, the one that he knows does things to her.
“Nick,” she gasps, tangling a hand in his hair to pull him closer to her, and she can feel him smile against her skin.
A loud knocking sound fills the room and they jump back from each other like they’re on fire, and her mom sticks her head in the room.
“Hey kids,” she says, opening the door wider and shooting Miley a look like she knows exactly what was going on.
Clearly this room is cursed, Miley decides. “Hi Mom,” she says, trying to look like the innocent daughter that they both know she’s not. “What’s going on?”
“Nice to see you, Mrs. Cyrus,” Nick offers, as he sticks his hands in his pockets and looks down at the floor, really anywhere that’s not at her, Miley notes with a mental laugh. It would be funny if it weren’t so frustrating.
“Nice to see you too,” her mom answers, and then says to them both, “I ran into your father, Nick, and he mentioned he was coming to find you two for sound check. So I volunteered instead. Maybe you should get going?”
Miley’s eyes go wide, because Mr. Jonas pretty much tops the list of people that she never wants to walk in on her and Nick, even if all they were doing is some fairly pg-rated kissing. She owes her mom so big right now. “Yes,” she says quickly, grabbing Nick by the hand. “We’ll do that.” She drags Nick out the door and he shoots her mom a puzzled smile as he’s pulled from the room and into the hallway.
“Whoa, Miles,” he says. “Do you even know where you’re going?”
She stops in her tracks and he bumps into her from behind. He grabs for her waist, steadying them both and she looks up at him with a sheepish expression. “Um, no?”
He laughs and takes her hand again, leading her down the hallway. “You’re that scared of my dad, huh?”
She bumps him with her hip, and falls into step with him, their hands swinging together between them. “Shut up.”
Nick laughs and Miley thinks it’s the best sound she’s ever heard.
*
Being onstage with all the boys is like coming home.
She hugs Kevin the minute she sees him, and she and Joe start mic stand fighting, and Nick turns into the musical dictator that’s always lurking just under the surface. She half thinks that they're about to sing We Got the Party instead of Before the Storm, that's how much it feels like it's two years ago.
Well, except for the hair. Everyone's hair is a million times better this time around, thank god.
They run through the song, and figure out some basic blocking. The rotating stage is really freaking cool and she’s totally jealous that it’s theirs and not hers, but it takes some getting used to. She figures that if she gets dizzy she'll just focus on Nick, but then looking at him tends to make her dizzy in other ways all together, so.
Once they're finished, Nick walks her back to her dressing room. Outside her door, he quickly checks the hall before pressing her back into the wall and kissing her intently. She makes a little noise of surprise, because okay, she wasn't expecting that, not with all the parents lurking in the building, not to mention the fans. Her hands grab at his waist, pulling him tighter into her body, and she hears a low moan, she's not sure if it's from him or her, as his hips press against hers.
Nick pulls back with a teasing little nip at her lower lip, and steps back, keeping her trapped against the wall with his arms.
Miley frowns at him, and tries to tug him back to her, frown turning into a pout as he resists. "Tease," she accuses, crossing her arms over her chest.
He laughs and bends his head to kiss her again, settling for her cheek when she turns her face away from him. "We'll find some time later, I promise," he says, one hand cupping her face and tilting her chin up so that she's forced to look him in the eyes. "But I have to go do fan stuff."
"Oh, I see how it is," she drawls, a smirk teasing around the corners of her mouth. "You're sick of me already."
"How'd you guess?" he asks, wincing a little as she hits him in the arm. "You know better than to play games you're not prepared to lose," he scolds.
She wrinkles her nose at him. She does know better, but that doesn't mean he's allowed to get away with it. Too many people let him get away with it. "Go play with your fangirls."
Nick laughs again and tugs her into his arms, bending his head so he's whispering in her ear. "You know that I only want to play with you."
"Yeah, yeah," she says, fighting to keep the smile that's threatening to erupt off her face. "Oh, hey, speaking of fans..."
Nick makes a face."Were we?"
"How do you think they're going to react tonight?"
He shrugs. "I don't know, I think they'll go pretty crazy. Why? What do you think is going to happen?"
"Well I'm not ruling out the possibility that I'll be booed offstage for daring to be seen with you," she says dryly. The worst part is that it's not out of the question.
"You know that's not going to happen."
She shakes her head in pity. Poor, foolish, naive boy. He really doesn't know anything about girls sometimes. "Yeah okay, we'll see."
He runs his fingers across her side, tickling her and she squirms in his arms. "Miley," he says, voice laced with exasperated affection. "You don't really think that's going to happen."
"No," she admits. They do share more than a few fans, she knows this. "I think they'll be kind of stunned quiet and then go crazy. Well, at least if the secret keeping thing worked."
He shakes his head. "No way."
"Way." She narrows her eyes at him. "Want to bet?"
He raises an eyebrow at her. "You really want to make a bet with me? You know you're going to lose."
She really, really does. "Absolutely."
"Okay, Miles," he says, and he's clearly trying to stifle laughter, which only makes her more determined to do this. "What did you have in mind?"
She shrugs. "I don't know. What do you want in the off chance that you win?"
He just looks at her and she blushes a little from the intensity of it. "Besides that," she says, poking him in the side. She did not know what a one-track mind he had. But then she's not really that much better.
Nick laughs. "I don't know, loser has to take the winner out to dinner?"
Now it's her turn to raise her eyebrows. "You want to risk being seen in public with me? Nick, I didn't know you cared."
He rolls his eyes and pokes her back. "Shut up. Deal?"
It's not like this is a bet she can lose. "Deal." She holds out her hand to shake, and Nick takes it, but pulls her against him and kisses her swiftly.
He looks down at his watch and winces. "Now I really gotta go." He takes off down the hall at a jog, calling back over his shoulder, "See you later, Miley!"
She smiles foolishly at his disappearing back. Today is definitely a good day.
*
Time seems to be rushing by and going impossibly slow all at the same time. Waiting for the boys to finish sound check and their meet and greets feels like it takes forever, but dinner with the entire crew seems to rush by in an instant.
Her mom is chatting away with Mrs. Jonas and Miley catches the two of them looking at her and Nick with indulgent smiles more than a few times. It's nice to know that even if the rest of the world won't approve, their families, the people that matter most do. She and Nick sit together and she can feel Nick tensing up, getting more and more focused on what's to come. So she and Joe do what they've always done, they try to make Nick laugh, to distract him from his thoughts of how the world will end if everything isn't completely perfect. He mostly ignores them, he always does, but while she and Joe are talking about how awesome Kings of Leon are, Nick reaches over and squeezes her leg gently, and she knows that it's his way of saying thank you.
She and Joe flank Nick at prayer and the warmth of Nick's hand in hers steadies her for what is to come. She's more nervous than she can remember being in forever, and she wants so badly for this to go perfectly. But standing here, in this circle, she can't imagine it not being perfect. God wouldn’t allow it.
Her mom disappears with Mrs. Jonas after prayer and Miley hangs out with Joe and Nick in her dressing room. She's wanted to be alone with Nick all day, but now it seems right to have Joe there. The three of them being together before a concert is a ritual of its own, and it wouldn't be the same if Joe weren't there. She and Nick sit on the couch and hold hands, her head against Nick’s shoulder. They laugh at Joe's jokes and she tells stories about filming and Nick is quiet, off in his own world, but from time to time he'll stroke his thumb across the inside of her wrist and she'll look at up at him and smile and everything in her world feels right. Complete.
The boys call time comes, and Miley hugs them both and wishes them luck. Joe whispers in her ear that he's glad that she's here and Nick just looks at her, really looks at her for the first time in hours and kisses her cheek gently, not saying a word. But then it's one of those times when they don't need words, and she wraps her arms around herself as they head out of the room, pretending that she’s in Nick’s arms. Nick pauses in the door to give her a final look, his eyes burning with an intensity that she knows is both for her and for the show that is to come, and then he’s gone, disappearing into the hall.
It won't be that much longer now, she thinks to herself.
She's scared out of her mind.
*
The waiting to go on stage is excruciating.
Miley paces back and forth the length of her dressing room endlessly, humming Before the Storm under her breath, mentally reviewing the lyrics. She'd always thought headlining a concert was the hardest thing she'd ever done, but this is worse. She only has four minutes onstage, and all of them have to count. Not that every minute doesn't count normally, but this is just so much more stressful.
Her mom comes in to sit with her, perching at the edge of the couch and watching Miley pace. Luckily her mom seems to get that this isn't a time when talking is going to happen, so she stays quiet, the sounds of Miley's boots on the floor and humming the only interruptions to the oppressive silence.
From time to time she can hear the sounds of the concert and the roars of the crowd, and she hopes desperately that their song will get the same reaction. It means so much to both her and Nick; it's them, their relationship laid out for the whole world to see, and if the fans can love their song, she can let herself hope that someday they'll be able to be together in public without judgment or hate.
Finally someone comes to lead her to the stage, and she's smuggled into the round center of the stage and Nick's there waiting for her, guitar in hand and heart in his eyes.
He reaches out and takes her hand squeezing it gently. "Ready?" he asks. "We're all set."
She nods. What else can she do, really? There's so much she wants to say and no time to say any of it. "Nick..."
"I know," he says, and squeezes her hand again.
The platform beneath them starts to rise and she mouths the words "I love you," to him, letting go of his hand even though all she wants to do is hang on for dear life.
The opening chords of their song begin to play and the crowd roars. She looks at Nick and smiles, and she sings the words that now mean so much more than she'd ever thought they could.
"I know this isn't what I wanted..."
*
Before Miley even knows what happened, the song is over and Nick's hugging her to his side and she's kissing his cheek and she's being lowered back through the stage.
It was amazing, it was perfect, and now it's over.
She sags with relief against the wall of the stage and tries to calm her pounding heart. It's all vividly clear, and yet it's not. She remembers the roar of the crowd, how she couldn't stop looking at Nick with all the love she feels for him shining in her eyes, how she had to reach out and touch him when they begged each other not to be left alone, the look on Nick's face and in his eyes when they sang the last line of the song together.
If she'd ever doubted that Nick loved her, the way he looked at her in that instant would have erased all those doubts forever.
But she can't remember whether she hit every note or even if she knew all the words, or if she stuck to the blocking they'd worked out, or seeing anyone but Nick. She knows that tomorrow, or the next day, or months from now, all she'll remember about tonight is Nick.
She knows that it won't be the same for him, that this night is more to him, but she hopes that it meant as much to him as it did to her.
*
Miley waits for Nick in her dressing room.
They aren't going to have enough time, they'll never have enough time, she knows this. But for a few more hours at least, they're in the same building, the same state, the same country, and she wants them to have every moment of that together that they can.
She didn’t even have to tell her mom that, her mom just gave her a hug when she finally made it back to the dressing room and then disappeared with vague words about finding Mrs. Jonas. Miley’s so grateful that her parents have never tried to make what she feels for Nick less, that they’ve never said that they’re just teenagers and that it can’t be real.
If what she and Nick have isn’t real, Miley’s pretty sure that the prospect of saying goodbye wouldn’t hurt so damn much.
Finally, finally, there is a knock on the door and Miley bolts for it, throwing the door open and she only catches a glimpse of Nick’s smiling face before she drags him inside and shuts the door behind him, pushing him back against it.
She half expects Nick to make some lame comment about how she can’t keep her hands off him, but he’s pulling her against him, fisting a hand in her hair and kissing her with an urgency she’s not sure she’s ever felt before. She moans a little, she can’t help it, and Nick swallows the sound, sweeping his tongue against hers, and she wraps her arms around him, plastering herself against his body. She wants to feel him, needs to feel him against her.
“Miley,” he gasps as he tears his lips away to breathe, and his fingers dig into her hip, the fabric of her dress bunching up underneath his hand.
She presses her lips to his throat, and runs her hands down his back, tugging his shirt from his pants and sliding her hands against his sin. Nick hisses at the contact and tugs her head back, slanting his lips over hers again. He starts walking them backwards, blindly, and they stumble through the room till they find the couch, Nick hitting it with his knees and falling backwards onto it, pulling Miley down with him.
They’re a tangled mess of bodies and limbs, and Miley can’t tell where she leaves off and Nick starts, and god, it just feels so right. She wants to stay like this with him forever, just hide away in this room and never leave.
Nick pulls her on top of him, and she swings a leg over his hip, bracing herself against his shoulders. She looks down at him, really looks at him, and just the sight of him looking up at her with unfocused, darkened eyes is enough to make her mouth water. She reaches out and traces the line of his jaw, sliding a hand into his curls, tangling her fingers in the sweaty mess of them.
He reaches up and pushes her hair out of her face, cupping her cheek. “You’re so beautiful,” he says in a raspy voice, and the sound of it makes her shiver a little. “I didn’t tell you that.”
She shakes her head and says his name in a pleading voice she hardly recognizes as her own, “Nick.”
“You’re so beautiful,” he says again, running his other hand down her side, fisting the thin fabric of her dress in his hand. “Seeing you in this dress made me crazy. You make me crazy.”
God, how is she supposed to think when he’s looking at her like that, when he’s saying things like that? She can’t, she doesn’t want to, so she leans down and kisses him, sliding her hands down his body so that she’s touching his skin again.
This time he’s the one that lets out a moan and it makes her smile against his mouth. She changes the angle of the kiss, makes it slower, deeper, and now her head is spinning too. She’s kissed him thousands of times before, how can he still do this to her?
She never wants it to stop.
He presses kisses down her throat and she holds him against her, catching her breath, trying to memorize the feeling of his lips on her skin, how it feels to be in his arms. He makes her feel so much, so much that she doesn’t even know everything she’s feeling, and her heart is overflowing with love for him and she has to tell him now how she feels. She needs him to know, so that all the times when she can’t tell him he’ll still know.
She bends her head to his ear and whispers, “I love you.”
He pulls away from her neck and looks up at her and she can see it in his eyes before he says a word. “I love you, too,” he says, his fingers skimming across her jaw. “Always.”
She nods. It’s the right word for them, she thinks fleetingly. She’s always going to feel this away about him, she knows it. “Always.”
This time when she lowers her mouth to his, they kiss slowly, deliberately, like they’re making promises to each other, sealing them with lips and tongues and the feeling that they’re each pouring into the kiss.
There’s a knock on the door and they both groan, even as she’s sliding off him and standing and he’s sitting up, leaning against the arms of the couch. She looks down at him, running a hand through her hair, trying to make it slightly more presentable.
“Nick,” she says, stalling for time. She’s not ready to say goodbye. How can it be time to say goodbye already? They need more time. She needs more time.
He reaches out and catches her hand, squeezing it gently. “I know.”
She smiles at him sadly and goes to answer the door, looking over her shoulder at him the whole time. She’s not letting him out of her sight for a minute, not till she has to.
Joe’s on the other side of the door, arms stretched out across the doorframe. He looks sorry, like he doesn’t want to have to say it anymore than they want to hear it. And from anyone else, Miley might not believe it, but from Joe she does, without hesitation.
“Hey Miles,” he says, and she can hear the regret in his voice.
“It’s time?” she asks, hoping against hope that he’ll say no, that she’s wrong and that she doesn’t have to say goodbye to Nick yet.
He nods slowly. “You have a few minutes,” he says. “But yeah.”
“Okay,” she says, feeling tears spring up in her eyes. She reaches out and wraps her arms around Joe’s neck. “Thank you,” she says into his ear, knowing he’ll understand what she means. “Take care of him for me.”
She feels Joe nod against her neck, and then he’s pulling back, smiling at her in the way that he has that always makes her laugh. “It was awesome to see you, Miles, we’ll have to do this again soon.”
She smiles at him the best that she can. “Duh, of course we will.”
“Okay, I’m just going to go,” he says, nodding his head down the hall. “Bye Miley.”
“Bye Joe,” she echoes, closing the door, giving them a few more minutes of privacy. She turns and looks back at Nick, who is standing and looks just as sad as she feels. “So…” she says. They’ve said goodbye hundreds of times before, their relationship has always been one of constant hellos and goodbyes, but it never gets any easier, and somehow this time feels worst of all.
“So…” he says back, walking towards her slowly.
She can feel tears pricking at the corners of her eyes again, but she’s not going to be that girl, she’s not going to have the last thing he remembers about this visit being her in tears. She wraps her arms around his waist and buries her head in his chest. “I’m going to miss you,” she says, voice muffled by his shirt.
He envelops her in his arms and says against her hair, “Me too, Miley. Me too.”
She makes herself look up at him, and smiles at him, trying to make it reach her eyes. He should remember her with smiles instead of tears. “I love you,” she says, pouring every ounce of feeling she can muster into those three words.
Nick looks down at her with dark, serious eyes and says intently, “I love you, too.” He bends his head and kisses her gently, and it’s sweet and it’s sad, and Miley never wants it to end, because she knows that when it does he’ll walk out the door and she’ll be alone.
But it ends, just like she knew it would and Nick is stepping back, looking at her with sadness and regret in his eyes. “I have to go,” he says and Miley can feel her heart breaking a little.
She nods. “I know.”
“I’ll text you when we land, okay?” he says. “And call you tomorrow night. I promise. We’ll make this work, Miles, we will.”
“I know we will,” she says bravely, and really she does. She might not be sure of much, but she’s sure of the way he feels about her, the way they feel about each other, how much they both need the other in their lives.
“Okay,” he says, mostly to himself, she thinks. “I have to go,” he says again, and he’s pulling her into his arms again for a final hug and a swift kiss and then he’s standing in the doorway, looking back at her with his heart in his eyes. “Bye, Miley.”
“Goodbye, Nick,” she whispers, raising a hand to wave him off.
He smiles at her a final time and then he’s gone.
Her breath catches in her throat and she finally lets herself cry.
She’s happy and she’s sad and she’s confused and she’s sure. She feels a million different things and nothing at all. She loves Nick and she misses him more than she ever thought possible and she wants to be with him, and she knows that she can’t be and it hurts. She knows they’ll still talk everyday and that he loves her as much as she loves him and that being apart won’t be any easier for him and that somehow they’ll find a way to make it through.
Miley loves Nick.
And in the end, that’s all that matters.
Author: empressearwig
Pairing: Nick/Miley
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5,100 for this part
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is all for fun. This didn’t happen. Etc.
Summary: Two weeks in June.
Author’s Notes: I was going to finish this before I started posting, but then I realized just how long it was going to be and said screw it. Thanks to various people who read this against their will. If anyone is interested, you can find the accompanying fanmix HERE.
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
The entire flight to Dallas Miley's one big ball of nervous energy.
Her mom keeps shooting her these amused looks that would probably make her mad if she could concentrate on them long enough to be mad about them. But she's listening to Before the Storm on repeat one, making sure she remembers every word, every note. She wants tonight to be perfect. She needs tonight to be perfect. She has to be perfect, she has to do that for Nick.
She might not be able to give him everything that he wants, but she can give him this. She will give him this.
A car picks them up at the airport and takes them to the venue. When they get there, she sees that there are already crowds of people outside, and she wonders how on earth they're going to get inside without anyone seeing her, since someone decided that her appearance should be a surprise. Not that she actually expects it to be a surprise, she'd read rumors of her showing up before Nick even asked her.
They're hurried inside by security and Miley gawks a little at the size of the place. She's used to big stages, to arenas, but this is something else. She's so incredibly proud of Nick, of all the boys, because this is amazing.
She's shown to her dressing room and to her surprise, Nick's there waiting for her. He grins at her and she lets out an embarrassing little squeak and runs at him, throwing her arms around his neck.
"Hey Miles," he says into her hair, his arms wrapped tightly around her back. "You happy to see me or something?"
"Shut up," she says, and she can actually feel tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Wow is she being a girl right now. She blinks them back, and looks up at him, beaming with as bright a smile as she's ever smiled. God, she is so happy to be here. "Hi."
"Hi," Nick murmurs, bringing a hand up to cup her face. He bends his head and kisses her gently, and she melts in his arms. She tightens her arms around him, moving closer so there are no spaces between them. Nick's hand is splayed out across her back and she can feel the heat from his palm burning into her skin. This, this connection, it's what she's been missing since he left.
Being in his arms makes her feel whole.
They're interrupted by Joe barging into the room singing the opening lines of Sweet Caroline, and Miley bursts out laughing, burying her head in Nick's chest to muffle her laughter, and she can practically feel Nick glaring at Joe over her shoulder.
Undeterred, Joe says, "Sorry kids. Hey Miles, how was your trip?"
Miley extracts herself from Nick's arms and turns to face Joe, reaching out to give him a big hug, because yeah, she missed him too. "Uneventful. Pretty fancy operation you guys got here," she says, stepping back to Nick's side, slipping her hand into his.
Joe waggles his eyebrows at her. "You ain't seen nothing yet." He looks over at Nick. "We're going to sound check Before the Storm first, right?"
Nick nods. "That's the plan." He looks down at Miley, and smiles at her foolishly, and her heart clenches with happiness. "Gotta keep it a secret."
She laughs. "Yeah, I'm sure no one noticed me coming into the building. It's not like there aren't already hundreds of girls waiting outside."
"We have devoted fans," Joe says solemnly, or at least as solemnly as Joe can manage. He almost pulls it off, but spoils the effect by laughing. "Nick, when are we doing this thing?"
Nick shrugs, but looks down at his watch. “I think in about half an hour? Go ask Kevin.”
Joe shoots them a knowing look, a smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth. “I can take a hint. Have fun, you two.” He heads out the door, whistling That’s Amore under his breath, and Miley turns her face into Nick’s shoulder, laughing once again. She adores these boys, she really does.
Nick tugs on her hair and Miley looks up at him, still laughing. She’s so happy she feels like she could laugh forever. She wants to laugh forever.
He tugs on her hair again and says, “You know, a less secure person might be getting a complex right about now.”
Which only makes her laugh harder. But she shifts, wrapping her arms around his neck again, and says through her giggles, “Aw, I’m sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?”
“Well,” Nick drawls. “Weren’t you supposed to be making last night up to me anyway? That’s two you owe me now, Miles.”
“Right,” she nods, trying to keep a smile off her face. “Well, a promise is a promise. And you know I always keep my promises.”
She rises on her toes and brushes her mouth against his. It’s just a teasing kiss, and Nick makes an impatient sound low in his throat, and she smiles against his lips. She bites gently at his lower lip and sweeps her tongue into his mouth and this time he makes an approving noise and tightens his arms around her, running his thumb along the gap between her jeans and her shirt.
She shivers a little at the contact and thinks that it’s totally unfair that he can do that to her when he’s barely touching her.
But then Nick pulls away and trails kisses down the column of her throat and she can’t think at all, especially when he lingers at that spot, the one that he knows does things to her.
“Nick,” she gasps, tangling a hand in his hair to pull him closer to her, and she can feel him smile against her skin.
A loud knocking sound fills the room and they jump back from each other like they’re on fire, and her mom sticks her head in the room.
“Hey kids,” she says, opening the door wider and shooting Miley a look like she knows exactly what was going on.
Clearly this room is cursed, Miley decides. “Hi Mom,” she says, trying to look like the innocent daughter that they both know she’s not. “What’s going on?”
“Nice to see you, Mrs. Cyrus,” Nick offers, as he sticks his hands in his pockets and looks down at the floor, really anywhere that’s not at her, Miley notes with a mental laugh. It would be funny if it weren’t so frustrating.
“Nice to see you too,” her mom answers, and then says to them both, “I ran into your father, Nick, and he mentioned he was coming to find you two for sound check. So I volunteered instead. Maybe you should get going?”
Miley’s eyes go wide, because Mr. Jonas pretty much tops the list of people that she never wants to walk in on her and Nick, even if all they were doing is some fairly pg-rated kissing. She owes her mom so big right now. “Yes,” she says quickly, grabbing Nick by the hand. “We’ll do that.” She drags Nick out the door and he shoots her mom a puzzled smile as he’s pulled from the room and into the hallway.
“Whoa, Miles,” he says. “Do you even know where you’re going?”
She stops in her tracks and he bumps into her from behind. He grabs for her waist, steadying them both and she looks up at him with a sheepish expression. “Um, no?”
He laughs and takes her hand again, leading her down the hallway. “You’re that scared of my dad, huh?”
She bumps him with her hip, and falls into step with him, their hands swinging together between them. “Shut up.”
Nick laughs and Miley thinks it’s the best sound she’s ever heard.
*
Being onstage with all the boys is like coming home.
She hugs Kevin the minute she sees him, and she and Joe start mic stand fighting, and Nick turns into the musical dictator that’s always lurking just under the surface. She half thinks that they're about to sing We Got the Party instead of Before the Storm, that's how much it feels like it's two years ago.
Well, except for the hair. Everyone's hair is a million times better this time around, thank god.
They run through the song, and figure out some basic blocking. The rotating stage is really freaking cool and she’s totally jealous that it’s theirs and not hers, but it takes some getting used to. She figures that if she gets dizzy she'll just focus on Nick, but then looking at him tends to make her dizzy in other ways all together, so.
Once they're finished, Nick walks her back to her dressing room. Outside her door, he quickly checks the hall before pressing her back into the wall and kissing her intently. She makes a little noise of surprise, because okay, she wasn't expecting that, not with all the parents lurking in the building, not to mention the fans. Her hands grab at his waist, pulling him tighter into her body, and she hears a low moan, she's not sure if it's from him or her, as his hips press against hers.
Nick pulls back with a teasing little nip at her lower lip, and steps back, keeping her trapped against the wall with his arms.
Miley frowns at him, and tries to tug him back to her, frown turning into a pout as he resists. "Tease," she accuses, crossing her arms over her chest.
He laughs and bends his head to kiss her again, settling for her cheek when she turns her face away from him. "We'll find some time later, I promise," he says, one hand cupping her face and tilting her chin up so that she's forced to look him in the eyes. "But I have to go do fan stuff."
"Oh, I see how it is," she drawls, a smirk teasing around the corners of her mouth. "You're sick of me already."
"How'd you guess?" he asks, wincing a little as she hits him in the arm. "You know better than to play games you're not prepared to lose," he scolds.
She wrinkles her nose at him. She does know better, but that doesn't mean he's allowed to get away with it. Too many people let him get away with it. "Go play with your fangirls."
Nick laughs again and tugs her into his arms, bending his head so he's whispering in her ear. "You know that I only want to play with you."
"Yeah, yeah," she says, fighting to keep the smile that's threatening to erupt off her face. "Oh, hey, speaking of fans..."
Nick makes a face."Were we?"
"How do you think they're going to react tonight?"
He shrugs. "I don't know, I think they'll go pretty crazy. Why? What do you think is going to happen?"
"Well I'm not ruling out the possibility that I'll be booed offstage for daring to be seen with you," she says dryly. The worst part is that it's not out of the question.
"You know that's not going to happen."
She shakes her head in pity. Poor, foolish, naive boy. He really doesn't know anything about girls sometimes. "Yeah okay, we'll see."
He runs his fingers across her side, tickling her and she squirms in his arms. "Miley," he says, voice laced with exasperated affection. "You don't really think that's going to happen."
"No," she admits. They do share more than a few fans, she knows this. "I think they'll be kind of stunned quiet and then go crazy. Well, at least if the secret keeping thing worked."
He shakes his head. "No way."
"Way." She narrows her eyes at him. "Want to bet?"
He raises an eyebrow at her. "You really want to make a bet with me? You know you're going to lose."
She really, really does. "Absolutely."
"Okay, Miles," he says, and he's clearly trying to stifle laughter, which only makes her more determined to do this. "What did you have in mind?"
She shrugs. "I don't know. What do you want in the off chance that you win?"
He just looks at her and she blushes a little from the intensity of it. "Besides that," she says, poking him in the side. She did not know what a one-track mind he had. But then she's not really that much better.
Nick laughs. "I don't know, loser has to take the winner out to dinner?"
Now it's her turn to raise her eyebrows. "You want to risk being seen in public with me? Nick, I didn't know you cared."
He rolls his eyes and pokes her back. "Shut up. Deal?"
It's not like this is a bet she can lose. "Deal." She holds out her hand to shake, and Nick takes it, but pulls her against him and kisses her swiftly.
He looks down at his watch and winces. "Now I really gotta go." He takes off down the hall at a jog, calling back over his shoulder, "See you later, Miley!"
She smiles foolishly at his disappearing back. Today is definitely a good day.
*
Time seems to be rushing by and going impossibly slow all at the same time. Waiting for the boys to finish sound check and their meet and greets feels like it takes forever, but dinner with the entire crew seems to rush by in an instant.
Her mom is chatting away with Mrs. Jonas and Miley catches the two of them looking at her and Nick with indulgent smiles more than a few times. It's nice to know that even if the rest of the world won't approve, their families, the people that matter most do. She and Nick sit together and she can feel Nick tensing up, getting more and more focused on what's to come. So she and Joe do what they've always done, they try to make Nick laugh, to distract him from his thoughts of how the world will end if everything isn't completely perfect. He mostly ignores them, he always does, but while she and Joe are talking about how awesome Kings of Leon are, Nick reaches over and squeezes her leg gently, and she knows that it's his way of saying thank you.
She and Joe flank Nick at prayer and the warmth of Nick's hand in hers steadies her for what is to come. She's more nervous than she can remember being in forever, and she wants so badly for this to go perfectly. But standing here, in this circle, she can't imagine it not being perfect. God wouldn’t allow it.
Her mom disappears with Mrs. Jonas after prayer and Miley hangs out with Joe and Nick in her dressing room. She's wanted to be alone with Nick all day, but now it seems right to have Joe there. The three of them being together before a concert is a ritual of its own, and it wouldn't be the same if Joe weren't there. She and Nick sit on the couch and hold hands, her head against Nick’s shoulder. They laugh at Joe's jokes and she tells stories about filming and Nick is quiet, off in his own world, but from time to time he'll stroke his thumb across the inside of her wrist and she'll look at up at him and smile and everything in her world feels right. Complete.
The boys call time comes, and Miley hugs them both and wishes them luck. Joe whispers in her ear that he's glad that she's here and Nick just looks at her, really looks at her for the first time in hours and kisses her cheek gently, not saying a word. But then it's one of those times when they don't need words, and she wraps her arms around herself as they head out of the room, pretending that she’s in Nick’s arms. Nick pauses in the door to give her a final look, his eyes burning with an intensity that she knows is both for her and for the show that is to come, and then he’s gone, disappearing into the hall.
It won't be that much longer now, she thinks to herself.
She's scared out of her mind.
*
The waiting to go on stage is excruciating.
Miley paces back and forth the length of her dressing room endlessly, humming Before the Storm under her breath, mentally reviewing the lyrics. She'd always thought headlining a concert was the hardest thing she'd ever done, but this is worse. She only has four minutes onstage, and all of them have to count. Not that every minute doesn't count normally, but this is just so much more stressful.
Her mom comes in to sit with her, perching at the edge of the couch and watching Miley pace. Luckily her mom seems to get that this isn't a time when talking is going to happen, so she stays quiet, the sounds of Miley's boots on the floor and humming the only interruptions to the oppressive silence.
From time to time she can hear the sounds of the concert and the roars of the crowd, and she hopes desperately that their song will get the same reaction. It means so much to both her and Nick; it's them, their relationship laid out for the whole world to see, and if the fans can love their song, she can let herself hope that someday they'll be able to be together in public without judgment or hate.
Finally someone comes to lead her to the stage, and she's smuggled into the round center of the stage and Nick's there waiting for her, guitar in hand and heart in his eyes.
He reaches out and takes her hand squeezing it gently. "Ready?" he asks. "We're all set."
She nods. What else can she do, really? There's so much she wants to say and no time to say any of it. "Nick..."
"I know," he says, and squeezes her hand again.
The platform beneath them starts to rise and she mouths the words "I love you," to him, letting go of his hand even though all she wants to do is hang on for dear life.
The opening chords of their song begin to play and the crowd roars. She looks at Nick and smiles, and she sings the words that now mean so much more than she'd ever thought they could.
"I know this isn't what I wanted..."
*
Before Miley even knows what happened, the song is over and Nick's hugging her to his side and she's kissing his cheek and she's being lowered back through the stage.
It was amazing, it was perfect, and now it's over.
She sags with relief against the wall of the stage and tries to calm her pounding heart. It's all vividly clear, and yet it's not. She remembers the roar of the crowd, how she couldn't stop looking at Nick with all the love she feels for him shining in her eyes, how she had to reach out and touch him when they begged each other not to be left alone, the look on Nick's face and in his eyes when they sang the last line of the song together.
If she'd ever doubted that Nick loved her, the way he looked at her in that instant would have erased all those doubts forever.
But she can't remember whether she hit every note or even if she knew all the words, or if she stuck to the blocking they'd worked out, or seeing anyone but Nick. She knows that tomorrow, or the next day, or months from now, all she'll remember about tonight is Nick.
She knows that it won't be the same for him, that this night is more to him, but she hopes that it meant as much to him as it did to her.
*
Miley waits for Nick in her dressing room.
They aren't going to have enough time, they'll never have enough time, she knows this. But for a few more hours at least, they're in the same building, the same state, the same country, and she wants them to have every moment of that together that they can.
She didn’t even have to tell her mom that, her mom just gave her a hug when she finally made it back to the dressing room and then disappeared with vague words about finding Mrs. Jonas. Miley’s so grateful that her parents have never tried to make what she feels for Nick less, that they’ve never said that they’re just teenagers and that it can’t be real.
If what she and Nick have isn’t real, Miley’s pretty sure that the prospect of saying goodbye wouldn’t hurt so damn much.
Finally, finally, there is a knock on the door and Miley bolts for it, throwing the door open and she only catches a glimpse of Nick’s smiling face before she drags him inside and shuts the door behind him, pushing him back against it.
She half expects Nick to make some lame comment about how she can’t keep her hands off him, but he’s pulling her against him, fisting a hand in her hair and kissing her with an urgency she’s not sure she’s ever felt before. She moans a little, she can’t help it, and Nick swallows the sound, sweeping his tongue against hers, and she wraps her arms around him, plastering herself against his body. She wants to feel him, needs to feel him against her.
“Miley,” he gasps as he tears his lips away to breathe, and his fingers dig into her hip, the fabric of her dress bunching up underneath his hand.
She presses her lips to his throat, and runs her hands down his back, tugging his shirt from his pants and sliding her hands against his sin. Nick hisses at the contact and tugs her head back, slanting his lips over hers again. He starts walking them backwards, blindly, and they stumble through the room till they find the couch, Nick hitting it with his knees and falling backwards onto it, pulling Miley down with him.
They’re a tangled mess of bodies and limbs, and Miley can’t tell where she leaves off and Nick starts, and god, it just feels so right. She wants to stay like this with him forever, just hide away in this room and never leave.
Nick pulls her on top of him, and she swings a leg over his hip, bracing herself against his shoulders. She looks down at him, really looks at him, and just the sight of him looking up at her with unfocused, darkened eyes is enough to make her mouth water. She reaches out and traces the line of his jaw, sliding a hand into his curls, tangling her fingers in the sweaty mess of them.
He reaches up and pushes her hair out of her face, cupping her cheek. “You’re so beautiful,” he says in a raspy voice, and the sound of it makes her shiver a little. “I didn’t tell you that.”
She shakes her head and says his name in a pleading voice she hardly recognizes as her own, “Nick.”
“You’re so beautiful,” he says again, running his other hand down her side, fisting the thin fabric of her dress in his hand. “Seeing you in this dress made me crazy. You make me crazy.”
God, how is she supposed to think when he’s looking at her like that, when he’s saying things like that? She can’t, she doesn’t want to, so she leans down and kisses him, sliding her hands down his body so that she’s touching his skin again.
This time he’s the one that lets out a moan and it makes her smile against his mouth. She changes the angle of the kiss, makes it slower, deeper, and now her head is spinning too. She’s kissed him thousands of times before, how can he still do this to her?
She never wants it to stop.
He presses kisses down her throat and she holds him against her, catching her breath, trying to memorize the feeling of his lips on her skin, how it feels to be in his arms. He makes her feel so much, so much that she doesn’t even know everything she’s feeling, and her heart is overflowing with love for him and she has to tell him now how she feels. She needs him to know, so that all the times when she can’t tell him he’ll still know.
She bends her head to his ear and whispers, “I love you.”
He pulls away from her neck and looks up at her and she can see it in his eyes before he says a word. “I love you, too,” he says, his fingers skimming across her jaw. “Always.”
She nods. It’s the right word for them, she thinks fleetingly. She’s always going to feel this away about him, she knows it. “Always.”
This time when she lowers her mouth to his, they kiss slowly, deliberately, like they’re making promises to each other, sealing them with lips and tongues and the feeling that they’re each pouring into the kiss.
There’s a knock on the door and they both groan, even as she’s sliding off him and standing and he’s sitting up, leaning against the arms of the couch. She looks down at him, running a hand through her hair, trying to make it slightly more presentable.
“Nick,” she says, stalling for time. She’s not ready to say goodbye. How can it be time to say goodbye already? They need more time. She needs more time.
He reaches out and catches her hand, squeezing it gently. “I know.”
She smiles at him sadly and goes to answer the door, looking over her shoulder at him the whole time. She’s not letting him out of her sight for a minute, not till she has to.
Joe’s on the other side of the door, arms stretched out across the doorframe. He looks sorry, like he doesn’t want to have to say it anymore than they want to hear it. And from anyone else, Miley might not believe it, but from Joe she does, without hesitation.
“Hey Miles,” he says, and she can hear the regret in his voice.
“It’s time?” she asks, hoping against hope that he’ll say no, that she’s wrong and that she doesn’t have to say goodbye to Nick yet.
He nods slowly. “You have a few minutes,” he says. “But yeah.”
“Okay,” she says, feeling tears spring up in her eyes. She reaches out and wraps her arms around Joe’s neck. “Thank you,” she says into his ear, knowing he’ll understand what she means. “Take care of him for me.”
She feels Joe nod against her neck, and then he’s pulling back, smiling at her in the way that he has that always makes her laugh. “It was awesome to see you, Miles, we’ll have to do this again soon.”
She smiles at him the best that she can. “Duh, of course we will.”
“Okay, I’m just going to go,” he says, nodding his head down the hall. “Bye Miley.”
“Bye Joe,” she echoes, closing the door, giving them a few more minutes of privacy. She turns and looks back at Nick, who is standing and looks just as sad as she feels. “So…” she says. They’ve said goodbye hundreds of times before, their relationship has always been one of constant hellos and goodbyes, but it never gets any easier, and somehow this time feels worst of all.
“So…” he says back, walking towards her slowly.
She can feel tears pricking at the corners of her eyes again, but she’s not going to be that girl, she’s not going to have the last thing he remembers about this visit being her in tears. She wraps her arms around his waist and buries her head in his chest. “I’m going to miss you,” she says, voice muffled by his shirt.
He envelops her in his arms and says against her hair, “Me too, Miley. Me too.”
She makes herself look up at him, and smiles at him, trying to make it reach her eyes. He should remember her with smiles instead of tears. “I love you,” she says, pouring every ounce of feeling she can muster into those three words.
Nick looks down at her with dark, serious eyes and says intently, “I love you, too.” He bends his head and kisses her gently, and it’s sweet and it’s sad, and Miley never wants it to end, because she knows that when it does he’ll walk out the door and she’ll be alone.
But it ends, just like she knew it would and Nick is stepping back, looking at her with sadness and regret in his eyes. “I have to go,” he says and Miley can feel her heart breaking a little.
She nods. “I know.”
“I’ll text you when we land, okay?” he says. “And call you tomorrow night. I promise. We’ll make this work, Miles, we will.”
“I know we will,” she says bravely, and really she does. She might not be sure of much, but she’s sure of the way he feels about her, the way they feel about each other, how much they both need the other in their lives.
“Okay,” he says, mostly to himself, she thinks. “I have to go,” he says again, and he’s pulling her into his arms again for a final hug and a swift kiss and then he’s standing in the doorway, looking back at her with his heart in his eyes. “Bye, Miley.”
“Goodbye, Nick,” she whispers, raising a hand to wave him off.
He smiles at her a final time and then he’s gone.
Her breath catches in her throat and she finally lets herself cry.
She’s happy and she’s sad and she’s confused and she’s sure. She feels a million different things and nothing at all. She loves Nick and she misses him more than she ever thought possible and she wants to be with him, and she knows that she can’t be and it hurts. She knows they’ll still talk everyday and that he loves her as much as she loves him and that being apart won’t be any easier for him and that somehow they’ll find a way to make it through.
Miley loves Nick.
And in the end, that’s all that matters.