fic: the best that i can (broadway rpf, borle/bundy, borle/foster)

[empressearwig]

Title: The Best That I Can
Author: empressearwig
Pairing: Laura Bell Bundy/Christian Borle, Sutton Foster/Christian Borle, Laura Bell Bundy/Other
Rating: R
Word Count: 11000
Warnings: adultery
Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is all for fun. Etc.
Summary: The anatomy of an affair.
Author's Notes: This was written nearly a year and a half ago, and I’m only now getting around to actually posting. Thanks to normative_jean for the assistance and encouragement when I was writing. The title of the fic and the quoted lyrics come from Laura Bell Bundy’s song “Lovin’ and Lyin’”.


You said you like it when I'm wearin' blue,
But that's all I'm in now since layin' eyes on you.
We stare too long in a crowded room.
Do they notice?

The party was loud and crowded.

That was Laura’s first impression when she finally arrived at Jerry’s. She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised at the number of people he’d thrown together on such short notice; if there was one thing the cast of Legally Blonde was always up for, it was a party.

She felt a tug at her elbow and heard a voice in her ear say, “Laura, sweetheart, are we going inside?”

Laura shook her head slightly to clear the fog. She turned back, and said, “Of course we are.” She reached back and grabbed Austin’s hand, and they moved together into the crowd.

From across the room, Christian watched Laura and Austin push their way through the crowd, with most everyone stopping them to hug Laura, presumably in congratulations. He saw the way Austin kept a hand possessively on her, and tried to suppress the jealousy he knew he shouldn’t be feeling.

“I see Laura!” Sutton said into his ear. “We should go congratulate her.”

Christian pasted a fake smile onto his face, and turned to look at his wife. “Of course we should.” He held out his hand, which Sutton clasped, and they headed in Laura and Austin’s direction.

When they reached them, Laura was deep in some sort of hyper, high-pitched discussion with Annaleigh. Austin was standing with a hand firmly on Laura’s back, eyes glazed over.

Christian, who’d been exposed to many a Laura-and-Annaleigh gabfest, would have felt sorry for Austin if he didn’t irrationally hate him quite so much.

As always, Sutton was the one who actually initiated contact. She tapped Laura on the shoulder, and when Laura turned to see who it was, she was barely given the chance to breathe before Sutton was enveloping her in a tight hug. Sutton quickly kissed her on both cheeks before she pulled back and said, “Congratulations! You must be over the moon!”

Laura stepped back out of Sutton’s embrace, dazed. She somehow always managed to forget that Sutton didn’t know that she should hate her. “I’m kind of speechless about it, really,” she answered. “It hasn’t quite sunk in yet.”

“Of course it hasn’t!” Sutton exclaimed. She turned to Christian, and said, “Remember when I was nominated for the first time? I don’t think I really believed they weren’t going to call and say it was a mistake for about a week.” When Christian didn’t respond, she elbowed him in the side. “Hello, anyone home?”

Christian blinked. “Oh, right.” He turned to Laura, who was looking at him with a slightly bemused expression. “She’s telling the truth,” he offered. “I don’t think she fully believed it till she was onstage accepting the award.”

Sutton elbowed him again, and looked at him expectantly. “Honey, isn’t there anything you’d like to saw to Laura?”

Laura laughed. “He called me this afternoon, don’t worry about it.” Laura looked at Christian, and said softly, “But I’d like to congratulate him, again.” She stepped forward, and pulled Christian into a hug. She stretched onto her toes and whispered in his ear, “I’m so proud of you,” before pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

Before she could step back into Austin’s arms, Christian caught her elbow and hugged her once more. Softly, he told her, “You look beautiful in that color.” He kissed her cheek gently and stepped back, taking his wife’s hand once more.

Laura blushed, so slight that it would only be noticeable to someone who looked for it, and stepped back to Austin’s side, where he quickly wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Sutton turned to Austin. “Aren’t we fortunate to be in the presence of such illustrious company?”

Austin looked down at Laura and smiled. “I’m very proud of her.” He looked over at Sutton, and said jokingly, “I hope he was this proud of you every time you were nominated.”

Sutton laughed, and looked at Christian adoringly. “He was.”

The two of them continued to talk, and Laura and Christian simply stared at each other as discreetly as possible.

Laura looked away first, shaking her head slightly. She tugged on Austin’s hand. “Honey, I see Orfeh and Andy just walked in. I want to go congratulate her, alright?”

“Sure.”

Laura looked over at Sutton and Christian. “You’ll excuse us, right?”

“Of course,” Sutton said.

Laura stepped forward and quickly hugged Sutton, kissing her cheeks, and then did the same to Christian. “Bye guys, we’ll talk to you later.” With a parting smile, she tugged Austin off in the direction of where Andy and Orfeh stood.

“She’s really a sweetheart,” Sutton said, smiling after their disappearing forms. “Don’t you think?”

Christian tore his gaze from their backs, and refocused on his wife. “She really is,” he said hastily. Frantically, he scanned the room for something to distract from further conversation about the woman he was cheating with. “Hey, I haven’t gotten to say hi to Jerry, yet. We should probably do that, right?”

“Of course.” She tucked her arm through his.

Christian shot one more glance Laura’s direction, only to find her starring back. Their eyes met and held for a long moment.

Again, Laura was the one to look away first, turning and laughing at something Andy had said.

Christian smothered a sigh and put his hand over the one Sutton had wrapped around his arm.

Together, they walked off to find their host.

Christian and Laura wouldn’t speak for the rest of the evening.

*

We stay up talking till quarter past two.
She'll roll on over with no warmth from you.
And he's bound to wonder what I've been up to.
And I'm sorry...

Oh, I would. Baby if I could, be two of me.
Understand I'm lovin' and lyin' the best that I can

“Christian!” Laura bounced into his dressing room.

He turned in his chair to face her, clapping his hands once and saying in his most fake excited voice, “Laura!”

They stared at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing.

Laura looked back out into the hall, then came further into the room, closing the door behind her. She crossed the cramped dressing room and seated herself on Christian’s lap, kissing him lingeringly.

When they parted, their foreheads rested together for a moment before Christian pulled back and said, “Not that I’m complaining, but I thought we agreed we weren’t going to do that here.” He tapped her on the nose gently. “We don’t want to get caught, remember?”

She pouted momentarily, before adopting a more serious expression and answering, “I know. I just hadn’t done it in awhile, and well, I wanted to.” She brought a hand up to cup his face, and ran her thumb lightly across his lips. “There’s never enough time.”

“I know,” Christian murmured, before pulling her head down and kissing her once more.

This time when they broke apart, Laura slid from his lap, and moved to lean against the door, an expression of practiced innocence on her face.

“What?” Christian laughed. “You can’t get away with that crap with me, Bundy.”

“Oh, I don’t know, I think I can,” Laura replied cheekily. “But seriously, do you need to get home right away?”

Though it remained unsaid, the ‘to your wife’ hung in the air.

Very carefully, Christian answered, “No, I don’t.” He looked steadily at Laura, who suddenly refused to meet his gaze. “Laura?”

She looked up.

Christian was surprised to see a sheen of tears in her eyes. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just being silly,” she insisted. She ran a hand across her eyes, then smiled brightly and said, “See, all better now.”

“Laura…” Christian started, but his arms were suddenly filled with her once more, as she kissed him urgently.

When the kiss drew to a close this time, she started to slip from his lap once more, but Christian held fast, tightening the hold he had to keep her in his lap. “Do you want to tell me about whatever that was?” He asked gently.

“What I want is ice cream,” Laura said lightly. “It’s why I came in here actually. To see if you wanted to go get ice cream.”

“Ice cream?”

“Ice cream” she said firmly. She slid off his lap, and held out a hand. “What do you say, Borle?”

He grabbed her hand, and allowed her to tug him to his feet. Once standing, he pulled her to him, kissing her once more. Drawing back, he said, “Don’t think I’m just going to forget that reaction, though.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Laura said pleadingly. “Just for tonight, can we go get ice cream and talk about nothing? Like we used to before it all meant so much?” She looked up at him desperately. “Please?”

“We can,” Christian nodded. “Just so long as we do talk about it.” Adopting a more resigned tone, he asked, “So where did you have in mind for this midnight ice cream run?”

“Actually,” she started hesitantly, “How about my place? I’m not really in the mood for crowds.” She smiled up at him with the smile she knew brought him to his knees. “Please?”

He smiled back at her helplessly. “Sure, sounds good.” Teasingly, he asked, “You do have my favorite, right?”

Laura rolled her eyes at him. “Yes, Christian, I have vanilla ice cream, just for you. Because no one else I know is that boring.” She bounced up and down on her toes and grabbed fistfuls of his shirtfront. “Can we go now? I’ve been craving it all day, and if I don’t get some soon, I am going to die!”

Christian pulled her hips flush with his, and began placing kisses along her neck. Between them, he mock growled, “And is that the only thing you’ve been craving?”

Laura laughed, and tried to pull away. “That’s for me to know and you to find out!” She managed to get out between bursts of laughter.

Christian finally stopped and looked at her. He said wryly, “You know, you’re hell on my ego, Bundy.”

“Aw.” She managed to pull herself together, and wrapped her arms around Christian’s neck. “I’m sorry, baby.” She said in her most conciliatory tone. “But you know better than to get between me and my ice cream when I tell you that I want it now!” She smiled up at him. “So, I ask you again, can we go now?”

He smiled down at her. “I suppose,” he said in a mock huffy voice. “Are you all ready to go?”

She nodded. “I just have to go back to my room for my purse and bag. What about you?”

“I need a couple of minutes to get some things together.” He cast his gaze around his messy room. “Give me five minutes?”

“Sure.” She rose on her toes and kissed him quickly. “Meet me at my dressing room?”

“Of course.”

She turned, opened the door, and walked out. Christian closed it behind her, leaned back against it, and let out a sigh. He knew he couldn’t really afford not to go home right away, but he couldn’t say no to Laura when she looked at him like that.

He dug his phone out of his pants pocket, and flipped it open. He winced slightly at the time, and considered. Sutton was probably asleep, but if he didn’t let her know he was going to be late, she’d be even more upset. He quickly punched in an e-mail telling her he’d be home late and that if she was in bed, she shouldn’t wait up. He hit send, and then turned the phone to silent. For the rest of the night, he did not want to think about his wife.

Quickly, he gathered together the things he needed and threw them in his messenger bag. He flipped the lights off and locked the door behind him, before wandering down the hall to Laura’s room.

When he got there, he found her sitting on the floor outside, back pressed to the door, purse and bag next to her. He laughed at the picture she made.

“Hey!” She said happily. “You all done?”

“Yep,” he said, extending his hands down to her. She grabbed them, and he pulled her upright.

She let go of his hands and leaned down to pick up her bags. Straightening, she tucked her arm through his, and said, “Let’s go.”

They walked down the hall to the stage door, calling good-byes to the remaining cast and crew they passed.

Once outside, Laura dropped his arm and stepped to the curb to hail a cab. She managed to get one easily, and they slid in. On the short ride to her apartment they were silent, though Laura held a death grip on Christian’s hand.

At her building, they slid out of the cab and were let inside by the night doorman. Still in silence, they rode the elevator to Laura’s apartment. She only dropped Christian’s hand to unlock the door.

Christian followed her in, shutting the door behind him. He dropped his bag on the floor, and walked into the kitchen where Laura had gone. She stood at the counter pulling bowls out of the cupboard. He walked up behind her, placed his hands on her hips and kissed the side of her neck gently.

She started, and spun around to face him. “God, you scared me!” She exclaimed, and pressed a hand to her chest. “My heart is racing a mile minute.”

“Sorry,” Christian said contritely. “Anything I can do to make it up to you?” He leered at her jokingly. Desperately, he wanted - no needed - to alleviate the sudden tension.

To his relief, she laughed. She brought her hands to his chest and pushed him backwards. “Get the ice cream out of the freezer, alright?”

He mock saluted. “Yes ma’am,” he said, and turned to grab the vanilla for him, and the mint chocolate chip that Laura preferred. He set the cartons down on the counter next to the bowls and spoons Laura had laid out. In a routine they’d performed many times before, they served themselves, and proceeded into the living room. They flopped down on the couch, nearly in perfect unison.

They were silent for a moment, each concentrating on the bowl of ice cream they held.

Finally, Laura turned to him. “Want to see what terrible movie is on that we can mock?”

“Sure,” Christian agreed. They both loved bad movies, and watching them together for mocking purposes had been one of the first things they’d really bonded over, when first getting to know one another.

That was a safe choice, a comfortable choice. Unlike talking about whatever was bothering Laura so much. But since she didn’t want to deal with it, Christian would do his best to ignore it too, and make things the way they were before they got so complicated.

While Laura channel surfed, Christian looked around the room. He noticed the light of her answering machine blinking in the corner. “Hey, you saw you have messages, right?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Christian saw Laura’s face tighten for just a second. She turned to him and flashed a smile. “Yeah, I know who they’re from. I got them on my cell phone too.”

“Who are they from?”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Understanding dawned on Christian’s face. “They’re from Austin, aren’t they? What does he want?”

“Christian, I said I didn’t want to talk about it!” Laura snapped.

“Come on, tell me,” Christian pressed. “Does he suspect what’s going on?”

“Suspect that I’m having an affair with my married co-star? No.” She laughed bitterly. “If you must know, he’s pissed that I’ve been dodging his calls and that I won’t agree to take time off to go see him. I won’t talk to him because I feel so guilty, and I won’t go see him because I don’t want to leave you and because I don’t want to see him with this lie hanging over us.”

Christian was silent.

“Well?” she pressed angrily. “You wanted to know, I told you, and now you’re not going to say anything?” She sat on the opposite end of the couch, practically curled into a ball. The helplessness of her body language stood in sharp contrast to the anger in her voice, and as Christian looked at her, his heart broke a little.

“Come here,” he said, and opened his arms for her. Instantly, she slid down the couch and burrowed into his side. They sat, silent, and Christian stroked her hair gently as he searched for the right thing to say.

“I’m sorry,” he finally started. “I forget sometimes that this is as hard for you as it is for me. I’m a self-centered jackass, you knew that about me. I get too caught up in thinking about how things are for me, and I forget to think about how things are for you.” He pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “I’m sorry.”

She lifted her head from his chest. “It’s alright. It’s just…there isn’t anyone I can talk to. I can’t tell anyone, and I can’t really talk to you about this, and sometimes it just gets to be too much.” She tried to smile. “I’ll try to not attack you about it next time, alright?” She leaned forward and picked up the remote from the coffee table. “Now, really, can we just watch a bad movie, and be us? I think we could both use that, don’t you?”

He looked down at her. The expression on her face indicated that this was not something that was up for debate. “Yeah, I do think that. What movie do you want to watch?”

She snuggled back into his side, and started flipping through the channels once more.

*

All that I feel you'll never know.
So hold me and then let me go.
Cause here I stand, moving forward as planned
Lovin' and lyin' the best that I can.

The last notes of the curtain call sounded.

Immediately, Christian and Laura separated, and both headed for backstage. The rest of the cast watched in concern, and wondered what had happened this time. To say that the pair had a volatile relationship would have been an understatement, but they were both careful to keep whatever was affecting them offstage, much to everyone’s relief.

A show with feuding romantic leads was something no one wanted to deal with.

Laura rushed into her dressing room and threw the door shut behind her - or she tried to. Christian caught the edge of the door before it could close completely, and he followed her in, shutting the door behind him.

Laura was slumped over at her dressing table, head down. She heard footsteps behind her and raised her head, catching sight of Christian in the mirror. She put her head back down. “Go away,” she said. “I’m not in the mood.”

He walked up behind her and started to rub her shoulders. “I don’t want to fight with you Laura.”

“And yet, you’ve been doing it all day,” she muttered under her breath.

His hands stilled. “What was that?”

She sighed, and spun around to face him. “Nothing. So if you don’t want to fight, why are you here? To tell me what a great show we just did? We both know that would be a lie.”

“Well for starters, you could lose the attitude,” Christian snapped.

Laura scoffed. “Me, the one with the attitude? Since last night, you’ve been alternating between treating me like a pariah and snapping at me.” She paused. Slowly, she added, “You know, it started around the time I told you that Austin was flying in unexpectedly.”

Embarrassment flashed in Christian’s eyes, and his jaw tightened slightly.

“Oh, Christian,” Laura sighted. She looked up at his helplessly. “Do you realize how unfair you’re being?”

He nodded.

“You go home to your wife every night. Every day, I hear someone asking you how she’s doing.” A hint of anger crept into her voice. “Every time you touch me, I can feel your wedding ring pressing into my skin…” she trailed off.

“Laura…” he started, before she cut him off.

“You have to deal with the reality of my significant other, maybe once a month. I have to deal with yours every day. And you’re going to give me shit about a visit I didn’t even know about?” She shook her head. “You’re being so unfair.”

“I am,” he acknowledged. H knelt down in front of her chair and pulled her hands into his. “I’m sorry?”

She looked down at their joined hands. “It’s not enough, Christian.”

A hint of panic crept into his voice. “What are you saying?”

“I’m not really sure, but it’s clear this isn’t working.” She pried her hands loose, and stood. “You need to leave. I need to change, take my makeup off, and get myself ready to see Austin.”

He rose to his feet as well. “That’s it? You’re just going to say that this isn’t working, and kick me out?” He snorted in disbelief. “Don’t you think that’s maybe something we should talk about?”

She looked him in the eye. “Do you disagree with me?”

He hesitated briefly. “No.”

“And do you know what to do about that right this minute?”

“No,” he acknowledged.

“Well, then I suggest we both think about it, and we’ll discuss it later,” she snapped.

A knock echoed through the room. “Laura, are you decent?” A voice called through the door.

Laura turned to Christian and hissed, “See, this is what I was trying to avoid.” She flapped her hands at him. “Act normal, alright? And let me do the talking.”

He muttered under his breath, “Like that’s so different?”

Laura’s head snapped back and she shot him a look.

He held up his hands in defeat. “I’ll behave.”

“Good.” She fluffed the wig that she still wore slightly, and crossed the room to open the door.

Austin stood on the other side, bag in one hand, flowers in the other. At the sight of Laura, a wide smile broke out on his face. “Hi sweetie,” he said, and leaned in to kiss her hello.

Christian winced, and tried not to look.

When Austin drew back, he looked down at Laura quizzically. “You’re not changed yet?”

She stepped back, gesturing for him to come in. “No, I got caught up. It wasn’t our best show, and Christian and I were just talking about it.”

“Oh.” Austin nodded cluelessly. “Hey man, how’s it going?” He said to Christian, extending a hand in greeting.

Christian shook it quickly, then started heading towards the door. “I’ll get out of your hair.” He looked over at Laura. “We’ll finish talking about this later?”

She nodded. “I would think so.”

“Great. Well, good night.” Christian walked out, and shut the door behind him. For a moment, he leaned back against it, unable to move. Then he pushed himself away and started towards his own dressing room. He had some thinking to do.

Inside, Laura did her best to concentrate on what was coming out of Austin’s mouth, but her head was filled with thoughts of what she’d said.

It was too late to take it back, but she wasn’t sure she could really go forward.

She shook her head, and threw herself into Austin’s arms.

She held on tight, and tried not to think about what would come next.

*

My head's in a haze as I walk down the street.
His hand and your memory in my mind compete
For this token of love, broken hearts ain't enough
Please forgive me for what I've got to do.

Oh, I would Baby if I could, be two of me.
Understand I'm lovin' and lyin' the best that I can

Laura wandered down Broadway.

Overhead, the sky seemed to grow darker by the moment, and at any moment she expected to feel rain against her skin. She knew she should be more concerned for her health - for her voice - but part of her wanted the basic, uncomplicated feeling of being caught out in the rain.

It would be the only uncomplicated thing in her life.

Before she’d snuck out of the theatre, she and Christian had argued, again. Which had come after another argument with Austin the night before. When she’d been a little girl, dreaming about her first headlining role on Broadway, never had she imagined the complications that would simultaneously exist in her personal life. Loving two men, being involved in the destruction of a marriage, deceiving a woman that had been kind enough to befriend her… she never would have thought that it would be her in the middle of it all.

So rather than recuperate and rest before the second show like she knew she should, she walked.

The first drops of rain fell.

She hardly noticed. All she could think about were the things that she and Christian had said to each other. Accusations of not meaning the feelings they’d professed to, of being unwilling to take the final step to be together, of loving the person they were supposed to more than the person they weren’t.

When they’d first fallen into bed together, it had been with the intention of burning out whatever spark had flickered between them. Neither of them had expected it to strengthen, to intensify, to become an all consuming flame.

But here they were, months later, and whatever it was between them was no closer to ending.

The rain started falling faster.

Laura pulled her coat around her more tightly. She thought back to the fight with Austin. They’d been having the same fight for months, really. Why did she act like their relationship didn’t matter anymore? Why wasn’t she willing to leave the show for even a night to come see him? Why was she suddenly so distant? The worst part of it was that she couldn’t even argue. Everything he accused her of was true. She knew she should have the courage to just end things, to set him free. To set both of them free.

But she still loved him.

Maybe not in the way she had before Christian came into her life, but she still loved the man that had held her hand through the last five years of her life.

She didn’t know how to walk away from that.

A crack of thunder boomed through the air.

She looked up, and noticed that the rain was falling in sheets. Suddenly, she was aware that she was soaked, and that regardless of needing to clear her head, she needed to get inside and protect her voice. She started looking around for a coffee shop to duck into, when she ran smack into another person.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Laura started, backing away. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.” She looked up. Shock suddenly appeared in her voice. “Sutton?”

In front of her, stood Sutton, mostly dry, and protected underneath an umbrella. “Laura?” Sutton said. “Get under here immediately,” she ordered, pulling Laura under the protection of her umbrella. “What on earth are you doing out in this?”

Laura couldn’t speak, didn’t know what to say, and let Sutton drag her away.

“There’s a Starbucks in the Marriot that you just walked past, we’ll go there,” Sutton said. “I was supposed to meet Christian there, but he called a little while ago and said he didn’t want to go out in this rain. So I was going up to the Palace to surprise him.” She pushed open the doors, and shoved Laura lightly inside, while she shook out the umbrella and closed it. She stepped into the coffee shop herself, and steered Laura towards the nearest table. “Sit down. I know you don’t normally go in for things like tea, but I’m going to go buy you some. It’ll help warm you up, and hopefully protect your voice. What were you doing out in the middle of a rainstorm when you have an evening show to do?” She didn’t wait for an answer, and went up the counter.

Laura blinked, and shook her head. She was completely unsure how she got here, and what she was going to do now that she was, but she knew that running for the door was not a viable option.

It was still her first impulse, though.

Before it was really a viable one, however, Sutton was back carrying two paper cuts and a towel. She set one down in front of Laura, and passed the towel to her. “Here, I conned the kid behind the counter into giving me one of the towels. It’s not ideal, but you should really dry your hair the best that you can.” She nudged the cup of tea closer to Laura, and sat down. “Go on, drink that. You need to get warm.”

Laura set the towel on the table, and cupped her hands around the cup, lifting it to take a long sip. She set it back down, and lifted the towel to run it over her head. “Thank you for this,” she said. “You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”

Sutton stared. “Laura, it’s no trouble at all. It was towel and cup of tea. You’d do the same for me.”

Laura winced internally.

“Besides,” Sutton continued teasingly, “My husband would never forgive me if I let his leading lady wander the streets of Manhattan in the pouring rain. He needs you in one piece, you know.”

Laura took another long sip of her tea, trying to think of what she could say. Finally, she looked at Sutton and answered, “I know. And I need him in one piece, so he was probably the smart one to not go outside.”

“So why were you out wandering around in the middle of a rainstorm?” Sutton asked gently.

“I just couldn’t sit inside. I needed to wander around and think. You know what I mean?”

Sutton smiled. “I do. Sometimes it’s impossible to think backstage.” Hesitantly, she asked, “Is there anything you need to talk about?” Seeing Laura’s expression, she quickly added, “I know we’re not all that close, though I’d like us to be, but if you need an ear, I’m happy to listen.”

Laura stared down into her tea for a long moment, and tried to think of what she could say. She was certain that she couldn’t tell Sutton the truth, at least not the whole truth. Laura knew she was occasionally the queen of inappropriate comments, but telling a man’s wife that she’s been sleeping with her husband for months and that she had argued with him about whether or not he was going to leave that wife, was a line that not even Laura would cross.

“Laura?” Sutton prompted.

She looked up, and saw Sutton’s face showed real concern. She took a deep breath, and opted for a partial truth. “Austin and I have been having problems. I don’t think we’re going to make it this time.”

“Oh, Laura,” Sutton murmured. She reached over and covered one of Laura’s hands with hers. “I’m so sorry.” She hesitated. “Can I ask what happened? I mean, would it help to talk about it with someone?”

Laura laughed softly. “The usual problems that you encounter when you have a bi-coastal relationship. It’s not that we hadn’t had them before, we had. But before, it was easier to get around them. Being a stand-by for a show is a lot different than actually being the lead, and having to go on every night. And he just doesn’t understand that. I can’t go running off to California to hold his hand, much as I might want to.” She shrugged. “I just don’t think we can fix them this time. Last time I had to move to California to make it work. That’s not an option now.”

“Could he move to New York? There are universities and labs here, too. Surely he could get a job.”

Laura shook her head. “He won’t consider it. And really, I’d never ask him to. He’d lose seniority, and have to start over.”

“But he can ask you to move?” Sutton questioned.

“Oh, no,” Laura rushed to explain. “He’s not asking me to give this up, just be more willing to accommodate his schedule, and I just can’t do it.” She looked down at her tea again, and ran a finger along the brim of her cup. “I don’t know how to make it work.”

“It’s hard,” Sutton agreed. “Christian and I have struggled with opposite schedules, opposite coasts, you name it, for years. Right now, we only see each other for coffee before your evening show and we’re going to be completely apart for almost two months. It’s just a part of the life.”

Though she knew she shouldn’t, Laura couldn’t help but ask, “Is it worth it?”

Sutton arched an eyebrow. “Being married to Christian? Of course.” She paused. “We’ve had our problems before, but solving them has always been worth it.” She shrugged her shoulders delicately. “I love him. Everything else is secondary.”

“I understand,” Laura murmured, hating herself for having asked at all. She’d never questioned how much Sutton loved Christian. Whenever Sutton talked about him, it was written all over her face. She wondered if she’d ever looked at Austin quite the same way. “I’m sorry, that was none of my business.”

Sutton waved her off. “It’s fine. Every couple has problems. That Christian and I have isn’t a secret, especially from someone we consider a friend.” She took a sip of her tea, made a face and set it aside. “Ugh, that got cold fast.” She looked at Laura seriously. “Besides, if it made you feel at all better, it was worth it. Did it?”

Laura considered. On the one hand, it had helped. Perspective on her problems with Austin, problems that she didn’t want to tell anyone about, was comforting. On the other, she felt guilty for having dug farther into the relationship that she was helping to destroy. “I’m not sure really.” She shook her head. “In my heart, I know what I need to do. I’m just not sure that I have the courage to do it.”

“You know if you need anything, both Christian and I would be there for you, don’t you?” Sutton asked earnestly.

Laura looked outside, trying to keep any misplaced emotion off her face. When she thought she was composed enough, she turned back to Sutton and said, “I do.” She gestured towards the window. “It looks like it’s letting up, and I need to get back. I think I’m going to have to make a break for it.”

Sutton glanced toward the window. “You’re right,” she agreed. “I’ll walk up with you, though. That way you can share my umbrella, and at least I’ll get to say hi to Christian.”

Laura smiled a half-hearted smile, all ready bracing herself for the discomfort to come.

Both women stood, threw their cups in the trash and headed for the door. Outside, they paused under the awning for Sutton to open her umbrella, then joined the crowd on the sidewalk.

On the walk to the theatre, they were silent, each preoccupied with their own thoughts, though they were each thinking of the same thing.

As they approached the stage door, they each spotted Christian outside smoking.

A wide smile broke out on Sutton’s face, and Laura did her best to suppress a look of horror at the awkwardness of the impending meeting.

Sutton called out, “Christian!” and waved her arm in the arm in greeting.

He looked up, and started to smile, but his face froze as he noticed that Laura was walking side by side with Sutton. He dropped his cigarette to the ground and stubbed it out with his shoe.

The women reached him, and Sutton walked up to press a kiss to his cheek. “Hi sweetie,” she said. “Look who I ran into on the way here.”

Christian looked back and forth between them. He addressed Sutton first. “Hi, I didn’t think I was going to see you tonight.” He wrapped an arm around her waist, and turned to Laura in time to see a flash of hurt in Laura’s eyes before she managed to mask it. “Everyone was wondering where you’d gotten to. Annaleigh was worried you were caught out in the rain.”

Laura looked at him, and started to answer, but Sutton beat her to the punch.

“She was. I’m just happy I ran into her and made her get indoors.” Sutton looked at Laura concernedly.

Christian shot Laura another look. “Is everything alright?” He asked, his voice a careful mix of nonchalant concern and unspoken questions.

Laura managed to keep most of the incredulity out of her voice as she answered, “Everything’s fine. I should probably go tell Annaleigh that I’m alive.” She turned to Sutton. “Thanks again. It was nice talking to you.”

“You too,” Sutton returned. She reached out and hugged Laura quickly. “Let me know if you need to do it again.” Over Sutton’s shoulder, Laura saw alarm flare in Christian’s eyes, and did her best to suppress a smirk.

“Thanks, I’ll do that.” Laura turned to Christian. “See you in a little while?”

He nodded. “I’ll be inside in a few.”

She turned to go inside, and called back, “Bye guys.”

From behind her, Christian suddenly said, “Hey, I need to talk to you, so I’ll stop by before the show.”

She froze, one hand on the door. She turned back, ice in her eyes and voice. “No, after. I’ll have to calm Annaleigh down, and I’m already late. After, alright?”

Christian recognized the tone and just nodded.

Laura opened the stage door and disappeared inside. She paused for a moment, and internally debated pressing her ear to the door. She shook her head in disgust.

She straightened her spine and set off in search of Annaleigh.

She had a show to do.

*

Cause all that I feel you'll never know.
So hold me and then let me go.
Cause here I stand, moving forward as planned
Lovin' and lyin' the best that…

We can’t escape from our reality
Or try to deny the lives we lead
But you’ve gotta know that
I’ve never felt so alive
So I’m getting you out of my mind

“I don’t think we should do this anymore,” Laura announced, eyes downcast and a tremor in her voice.

Christian looked up from his video game. “What be in the show? I’m afraid we have contracts that prevent that,” he said jokingly, a smile on his face. The smile slid away once he saw the look of abject misery on Laura’s face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

He tried to tug her down onto his lap, but she wouldn’t budge.

“Laura, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong I’m going to start to get worried.”

She looked up and repeated, “I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

“Do what?” Christian asked in frustration. He looked at her carefully, and a realization set in. “You mean us? You don’t think we should do that anymore?”

She fidgeted for a moment, and said softly, “Yes.”

“Am I allowed to ask why? Or is this something you’ve just unilaterally decide?” Christian asked bitterly. “Seriously, what brought this on?”

Laura let out a sigh and seated herself on the edge of his sofa. “Christian, are you happy?”

“Happy?” he echoed.

“Yes, happy. Are you happy?”

“I don’t know,” he hedged. “Why?”

“Because I’m not. And not because of you and I, or me and Austin, necessarily, but the sum total is that I’m not happy. And I should be.” She gestured around the room. “Doing this, being here, is all I’ve ever wanted, and I can’t enjoy it, because I keep think about how many people could get hurt, myself included.” She bit her lip and looked him in the eye. “Tell me you understand that.”

“But I don’t,” he shot back. “When you’re on stage, you’re happy. When we’re together, you’re happy. So I don’t see the problem.”

She sighed again. “Christian, when is the last time we got through more than an hour together without some sort of fight breaking out?”

He thought for a moment. “Last week. When I spent the night. We didn’t fight the whole time.”

“We were asleep for most of that!” Laura exclaimed in frustration. “Before that, we were having sex, and that is not one of our problems. And speaking of you spending the night, the only reason that you could do that is because she’s out of town!”

“So?” he questioned impatiently.

More gently, she said, “You’re never going to leave her, Christian.”

He started to protest, but she cut him off.

“It’s fine. She’s amazing, and I don’t blame you for not wanting to let her go.” Laura wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “But I can’t keep being the other woman. I want more than that, I deserve more than that.” Her voice broke. “I want you to look at me the way that you look at her, and I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. So this has to end.”

The room was silent for a long moment, the two of them just staring at the other.

Finally, Christian asked, “Isn’t it unfair to ask me to do something that you haven’t done?”

Laura looked at him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

More determined, he said, “You want me to leave Sutton. That’s fair, I don’t blame you. But you’re not leaving Austin, so how is that fair?”

“I broke up with Austin.”

Shock appeared on his face and in his voice. “You did? When?”

“Yesterday.” She shifted uncomfortably. “I meant what I said. That my unhappiness wasn’t because of you or Austin. I need to figure out what I want, and I don’t want to drag either of you along with me while I do that. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us.”

“Oh.” He paused. “I don’t know what to say.”

She smiled gently. “There’s nothing you can say. Short of that you’re willing to jump off a cliff with me immediately, I supposed.” She reached out and grabbed one of his hands. “This doesn’t change the way I feel about you, you know.”

He looked at their hands, and then up at her, eyes filled with tears. “It feels like it does.”

“It doesn’t,” she insisted. “I meant every word I ever said to you.” She reached up and wiped away a few stray tears with the hand that wasn’t holding onto Christian.

“Then how can you walk way from this?” He didn’t give her a chance to answer, but instead pulled her into a kiss. She resisted for a moment, but soon both of them were pouring all their pent up emotion into the kiss, as if it would stop reality from setting back in.

She pulled back first, and she looked at him helplessly for a moment. Then she pulled his head down, and pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. “Christian…” she started.

He pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her. “Don’t say it. I know you’re right, but I just don’t think I can hear it again.”

She nodded. “I should probably go, then.” She rose from the couch, and started to walk away, but he caught her wrist, and pulled her back to face him. “What?”

“I won’t ask you to wait,” he said haltingly. “But I’m going to tell you, I just need some time.”

She smiled sadly. “You’re going to get that.” She leaned down and kissed him softly, then straightened and walked out the door.

Christian slumped back on the couch, and Laura leaned back against the door.

All either could think about was what would happen next.

*

Cause all that I feel you'll never know.
So hold me and then let me go.
Cause here I stand, moving forward as planned
Lovin' and lyin' the best that I can.

Laura sat on her couch, and aimlessly flipped through the channels. She had the night off, but she didn’t want to go out and see people. She knew she could pick up the phone and call any of her cast mates (minus one) or her friends, and they’d come spend time with her, but they’d want to talk, and she didn’t want to do that.

Unless she was doing it with Christian.

Since their ‘break-up’, they’d barely spoken. Each night they would throw themselves into the show wholeheartedly, and each time Laura would start to let herself believe in happy endings, but the curtain would fall and the illusion would shatter.

She let out a sigh, and turned off the television. She stood, stretched, and headed for her bedroom. Maybe sleep would come easier tonight than it had been lately.

Suddenly a knock echoed through the apartment.

She frowned. The doorman was supposed to call up to check before letting anyone in if they weren’t on the list, and she wasn’t expecting anyone.

They knocked again.

She walked to the door and rose on her toes to check through the peep hole.

On the other side of the door stood Christian.

She sank back down onto her heels. Never had she expected to see him on the other side.

Slowly, she opened the door. Once face to face with him, she asked, “What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” he countered, and pushed past her into the apartment.

“Sure, make yourself at home,” she said dryly, as she closed the door and spun to face him. “I repeat, what are you doing here?”

He stared at her for a long moment.

“Christian?” she prompted.

“I’m sorry, but I have to do this,” he said, as she pushed her back against the door and sealed his lips to hers.

Laura flailed for a moment, before she reached up and wove her hands into his hair. All she could do was kiss him back, as weeks of pent up frustration came pouring out of them both. Somewhere in the recesses of her consciousness, she heard a moan, but she didn’t know which of them it came from.

Christian pulled back, and rested his forehead against hers as he tried to regain his bearings. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

She pushed him backwards. “I’d obviously be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it, so whatever, it’s done.” She walked past him and headed into the kitchen, where she headed for the refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher of water. She set it down on the counter and reached up on her toes to pull down a glass. Glass in hand, she turned to face Christian. “The question is getting redundant, but what are you doing here?”

“I left Sutton.”

The glass slipped from her hand, and clattered to the floor, breaking into pieces.

She looked down at the glass absently, then up at Christian with the same vagueness. “I should clean that up,” she said, and knelt down on the floor. She began to pick up the largest pieces, holding them in her hand.

He knelt beside her, and grabbed her wrists. “Laura, stop you’ll hurt yourself.”

She cried out in pain, and looked down at her hands in shock, as if surprised to see the glass there at all.

“Did you cut yourself?” Christian demanded. “Let me see.” He pried open her hand, dropping the glass to the floor.

A shallow cut on her palm trickled blood. “I don’t think it’s bad,” she said. She stood, then looked down at her feet. “My feet are bare.”

“Can you hold onto me with that hand?”

She nodded. “What are you going to do?”

“Wrap your arms around my neck,” he ordered. As she did so, he bent and scooped her up. He carried her to the counter next to the sink and sat her down. “Clean that out, I’m going to go grab some band aids from the bathroom.” He stalked out of the kitchen.

Laura held her palm up for examination. As far as she could tell, the only thing bad about it was the location. She reached for the faucet and turned on the water to rinse it off. Focusing on the mundane was easier than thinking about the bomb he’d just dropped. Had he really just said that? She didn’t know what to believe.

Christian walked back in carrying band aids and anti-bacterial cream. When he’d imagined telling Laura that they were finally free to be together, he’d never envisioned administering first aid as part of the equation. “Is it clean?”

She looked up. “I think so.” He grabbed her hand to look at it again. Apparently satisfied, he started drying it off tenderly.

“Christian, you don’t have to do that,” she protested.

He paused and looked her in the eye. “I know, but I want to.” Quickly, he applied the cream and several bandages. He glanced down at the floor. “I should clean that up.” He started to walk away, but she grabbed his arm and forced him to stop.

“Seriously, you don’t have to do that. I’m a big girl, I’ve been cleaning up broken glass all on my own for years, I swear.”

He gestured towards her feet, and asked lightly, “Have those suddenly become covered with shoes while I was in the other room?”

“No,” she admitted.

“Then let me take care of this for you.” He looked at her expectantly. “Please?”

“Fine.”

She watched him move around her kitchen, and noticed how at home he seemed to be in it. He knew where everything was, and he set about completing his task with a brisk efficiency.

Her heart ached a little at the reminder of how he’d come to be so familiar with her home.

Finished, he moved to stand between her legs, resting his hands on her thighs. It was a familiar stance, one they’d been in countless times before, and Laura squirmed slightly.

“So,” he said.

“So,” she echoed.

“We should probably talk about what I said, shouldn’t we?”

She nodded. Did that mean it was true?

“Hold on,” was the only warning she got before she found herself flipped over his shoulder, staring at his back.

“Christian!” she exclaimed, as she pounded her fists against his back.

“I told you to hold on. And be careful with that hand.”

She could practically hear the smirk he was certain to be wearing. “Where are you taking me?” she asked, before the world turned upright, as she was deposited on her couch.

He sat at the opposite end.

“That wasn’t very nice,” she scolded.

He smirked. “Oh, I don’t know. You didn’t have to walk and potentially cut yourself on any glass I might have missed. I think I was being a pretty nice guy, really.”

She laughed.

He looked surprised, but quickly joined in, as if relieved to finally be doing something normal with her.

Eventually it trailed off, and looked at her seriously. “It’s true, you know. Sutton and I split up.”

Laura looked at him carefully. Everything in his countenance said how true it was. “I don’t really know what to say,” she admitted.

“What do you want to say?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she murmured. “Why, when, what does this mean… All I seem to have are questions.” She looked at him ruefully. “And I don’t really have the right to most of those answers.”

“No, I suppose you don’t,” he agreed. “But I wouldn’t have come here if I wasn’t planning on telling you at least some of that.” He shifted slightly, settling in. “Anyone in particular you’d like an answer to?”

“How done is it?”

“I told her I’d been having an affair,” he said dryly. “Just how much of a saint do you think Sutton is?”

“Well, I don’t know!” she shot back. “She’s basically the nicest person I’ve ever met, no one ever has a bad word to say about her, and plenty of people stay together despite infidelity! You guys have been married less than a year, I’m surprised either of you would be willing to give up so easily.”

“Are you actually telling me to work on my marriage?” he asked incredulously.

She shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know. I just don’t want you to regret this.”

“That might have been better advice before I told her, don’t you think?” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “You basically said that for us to have a shot I had to leave her. You know how I feel about you. Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I never actually thought you would leave her!”

The words seemed to reverberate through the air. Christian stared at Laura in shock, stunned at the total honesty that had just passed between them.

“Wow,” he finally said. “I didn’t think you thought that little of me.”

She sighed. “It’s not like that Christian.”

“What is it like then?” he asked bitterly. “You obviously didn’t believe in what I told you I felt about you. You didn’t believe me when I told you that all I needed was time. Tell me, Laura, did you ever believe a single word I said?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed. She slid forward on the couch, and placed a hand on his knee. Underneath her palm, she could feel him stiffen, but she ignored it and pressed on. “I believed that you love me. I believed that you thought you could leave her. But I didn’t think that it would ever happen.”

“Why? Why wouldn’t you take me at my word?”

“Because I don’t know if I believe in happy endings! At least not for people like us, people that would throw away a shot at that for something else.” She sighed. “I’m sorry, alright? I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No,” he said. “You felt it, so I should know that. Especially if we’re going to try to make this work.”

She looked at him searchingly. “Is that what we’re going to do? Try to make this work?”

He covered her hand with one of his, flipping it over and entwining their fingers. “Don’t you want to?”

She looked down at their hands. “I think so.”

“You think so?” Annoyance crept into his voice. “I left my wife for you, Laura. I committed adultery, for you. And you only think that you want to actually try to see if it was all worth it?” He scoffed. “Maybe you should have let me know that you thought I was such a bad prospect before we got started.”

“Christian…” she sighed.

“No, I’m serious,” he said. “I would have liked to have known while I was throwing away my marriage, you weren’t sure that you thought this was going to work. Really, that heads up would have been nice.” He dropped her hand and started to stand, but she grabbed it and pulled him back down.

“You need to listen to me,” she said urgently. “I love you. I want to be with you, I always have. I just never thought it was something that would happen, and I’ve been thrown for a loop. I’m not reacting well, I know that, but honestly, did you expect me to just throw myself into your arms and say ‘thank god, finally’?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed. “You told me that I had to decide to leave her for us to work. I decided to do that. Why is it not that simple?”

“It’s just not,” she said sadly. “I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear, what you thought was going to happen when you came over here tonight.”

He laughed bitterly. “No, I can’t say it was. I was figuring for tears, a conversation, and then you throwing yourself into my arms. Not another fight, and I’m not even sure what we’re fighting about this time.” He sighed. “I just want to be with you. Why is that so hard?”

She smiled ruefully. “When has anything where we’re concerned been easy?”

He laughed again, more genuinely this time. “I suppose you have a point.” He paused. “What are we doing here, Laura?”

“We’re trying to see if we can make this work,” she said. “It’s just going to take some time is all, just like everything else.” She smiled at him shyly. “But we could try the me throwing myself into your arms part now if you want?”

“I want very much.”

She slid into his lap, and wrapped her arms around him tightly, burying her face in his neck.

He inhaled the familiar scent of her, and enveloped her in his arms.

They sat that way for a long moment, both simply enjoying the comfort of the others body.

She straightened first, though she kept her arms around him. “Feel better?”

“Sort of.” He twisted his head to look her in the eye. “I’m still not sure where this leaves us.”

“Well, that makes two of us.” She started to slide off his lap, but he tightened his grip to keep her in place. “You know how you asked me for time when I told you that we had to be over?”

He nodded. “I seem to remember something like that.”

“I think that’s what I need now.” She looked up at him hopefully. “Think you can return the favor?”

“Can you tell me that all you’re going to need is time?” he countered.

She laughed slightly. “Yes, I think I can.”

He smiled. “Then, yeah, I can see clear to giving you some time.” He reached up and tweaked her nose. “I should let you get started on that.”

She pouted. “I suppose you should.” She slid off his lap for real this time, and held out a hand to pull him up.

Silently, they walked together towards the door to the apartment. He opened the door, and turned back to face her. “This is what I want, you know?”

She smiled. “I do.” She pushed him backwards. “Now get out of here.”

He grinned back at her. “Yes ma’am. But first…” He took a step forward and kissed her intently. As soon as it started, it ended, and he pulled back, leaving her with a dazed expression on her face. He smirked, and turned to leave. He called back over his shoulder, “Maybe that’ll shave some time off?” He started whistling as he strode down the hall.

Laura watched him disappear around the corner. “Oh, yeah, that’ll probably work,” she murmured, her hand on her lips. She smiled, and walked back into the apartment.

The clock was ticking.

*

You said you like it when I'm wearin' blue,
But that's all I'm in now since layin' eyes on you...

Laura stared at the unfamiliar door in front of her. She looked down at her hand and raised it to knock again, before dropping it once more to her side. Five times she’d done just that, and she’d never quite managed to actually follow through.

She sighed, and raised her hand once more, vowing she’d follow through this time, when suddenly the door swung open.

“Were you planning on actually telling me you were here?” Christian asked wryly, as he propped his hand in the door frame.

She raised a hand to her chest. “You scared the daylights out of me!” She frowned. “How did you know I was here anyway?”

“It’s a New York City apartment building,” he said in the same wry voice. “Do you know many of those without security?”

“But I was on the list!” She poked him in the chest. “Which is something that we should talk about, don’t you think?”

“They still call up when you’re on the list,” he informed her. “And no, we don’t need to talk about that.” He stepped back and gestured towards the interior of the apartment. “You did want to come in, right?”

She sniffed, and walked inside. “That was my eventual plan, yes.” She cast a glance around the mostly empty room. “How very spartan of you.”

“Some of us no longer have furniture of their own or websites that are willing to redecorate for us,” he poked at her lightly. “It’s functional, and that’s all I need.”

She walked over and seated herself on the couch, settling in. “At least this is comfortable. Good to know you have priorities.” She glanced over at the television and gaming system. “And that some things ever change.”

He laughed. “Did you expect them to?”

“Not everything,” she said thoughtfully. “But some things.” She smiled. “Or at least, I thought you wanted some things to.” She looked up at him, shyly. “Didn’t you?”

He sank down onto the couch next to her. “I did,” he acknowledged. “Is that what this visit is about?” He reached out and took her hand, tracing absent patterns on the back of it.

“I’d like it to be.” She reached out with her other hand to still him. “That time I said I needed?”

He nodded expectantly. “Yes?”

“Time’s up.”

She dove into his lap before he could really comprehend what she’d just said. Their lips were fused together, tongues tangling, hands roaming over the others body, so entwined that they couldn’t reasonably tell where one ended and the other began.

He pushed her backwards into the sofa, and started popping open buttons on her blouse, trailing kisses along the skin he was exposing.

“Wait, wait, wait…” she managed to get out, as she raised her head.

“No, no waiting,” he murmured into her abdomen. He trailed his hands upward to her chest, and she let out a moan. “See, you don’t really want to wait.”

“No, I do,” she managed to say more emphatically. “Seriously, Christian, we need to talk.” She pushed him up off her, into the other arm of the couch. She looked down at her blouse and starting to button it again. She glanced up at him and laughed at the expression on his face. “Oh, really. Grown men shouldn’t be able to pout like that.”

The pout deepened. “You said time was up. What else is there to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know, where we actually go from here?” she said dryly. “Sex was never the problem, remember?”

The pout slid into a cheeky grin. “No, but it was a pretty fantastic part, so why don’t we enjoy that first, and do the talking part second,” he suggested, as he reached for her once more.

She slapped his hand away. “No, talk first.” She smirked. “Besides, you’ve had months of build up to this moment, is a half hour more going to kill you?”

“Honest to god, Laura, it might,” he sighed. He tucked his hands under his legs. “Alright, talk. Where do we go from here?”

She laughed at him. “You really need to literally sit on your hands?”

“If you want me to keep them off you?” he asked. “Yes.”

She arched an eyebrow. “You’re that desperate?”

“It’s been months,” he reminded her tensely.

She waved a hand in the air. “Fair enough.” She shifted back on the sofa. “So, where do we go from here?”

“You came to me. You tell me.” He looked at her seriously. “You know what I want. I was very clear about that. This has to be about you.”

She nodded. “I know.” She slid closer to him, and raised her hands to cup his face.

“This isn’t good for my self-control, you know,” he warned, as he brought his hands to rest lightly on her waist.

She smiled. “Just a minute more, I promise.” She sobered. “I want you. I have always wanted you. Whatever this is between us, I want to see if it can work. I want to try.” She slid her thumbs along his lips. “That what you wanted to hear?”

He smiled. “It is.” He tightened his grip and slid his hands up slightly. “You about done talking?”

She put on an expression of mock consideration. “Yes, I do believe so.” She slipped her hands into his hair. “Want to make out now?”

“Oh, I want to do more than make out,” he growled, jokingly, as he pushed her flat on her back once more. He hovered over her for a moment, staring.

“What’s the hold up?” she teased. “You were the impatient one, remember?”

“I thought of something else I wanted to say,” he said slowly. “You’ve never looked more beautiful to me. I just thought you should know that.”

She smiled. “I do now.” She shifted her hips slightly. “Now, weren’t we in the middle of…”

That was all she was able to get out before her mouth was occupied with his, and the feel of his hands on her skin was all she could concentrate on.

They both knew that this was the easy part, but for the moment, after months of hard, easy was simply easier.

It was enough.