A year later
this community does still mourn. And it does still hurt very much deep down to the core for lots of people out there. Today is definitely a day of sadness. I can already feel it, here in my house 12 miles away from it all. I can only imagine the media circus that it will be. I would never in a million years have made a special trip to be here today for this. I have no intention of going to the memorial service. This is what that guy wanted. He wanted this community to be torn and sad by what he did and he wanted everyone to remember him and what he did. But I will forget him. It may take a while because he was plastered all over the news, but I will. This is my moment of sadness and now I'm going to move on, just as we all should and will. It's so much easier to be sad when you are here and closer to it even if you didn't know anyone, because it is the community that I live in.
I agree with Julie though when she said this:
"I wish that we could be allowed to grieve in our own way... ...I just don't want to be dragged down into this mob of overwhelming grief and rememberance against my will. I can't speak for Martha, but I know Mike resents the fact that his birthday will forever now be associated with what happened that day. He too is terribly sad about what happened, but he doesn't need the extra attention focused on this when he would rather be celebrating his birthday.
Amen to that. I shouldn't have to think about the fact that the day before I turned 25 this is what happened. Whenever I hear about April 16th, I'm always sitting there thinking, what about the 17th? I always love the week of my birthday because the story goes that when my mom was in labor and on the way to the hospital, nothing was blooming, but on the way home from the hospital all the red buds were blooming. They always bloom this week every year and I think about my mom bringing home her little girl and watching all the trees that bloomed in celebration. =) Now it also makes me think about bringing home my own children from the hospital and beginning my life with them. Whenever I see them out I always want to call my mom and tell her that the red buds are blooming because I can sometimes pretend like they bloom for me. I'm always happy to see the red buds blooming.
I agree with Julie though when she said this:
"I wish that we could be allowed to grieve in our own way... ...I just don't want to be dragged down into this mob of overwhelming grief and rememberance against my will. I can't speak for Martha, but I know Mike resents the fact that his birthday will forever now be associated with what happened that day. He too is terribly sad about what happened, but he doesn't need the extra attention focused on this when he would rather be celebrating his birthday.
Amen to that. I shouldn't have to think about the fact that the day before I turned 25 this is what happened. Whenever I hear about April 16th, I'm always sitting there thinking, what about the 17th? I always love the week of my birthday because the story goes that when my mom was in labor and on the way to the hospital, nothing was blooming, but on the way home from the hospital all the red buds were blooming. They always bloom this week every year and I think about my mom bringing home her little girl and watching all the trees that bloomed in celebration. =) Now it also makes me think about bringing home my own children from the hospital and beginning my life with them. Whenever I see them out I always want to call my mom and tell her that the red buds are blooming because I can sometimes pretend like they bloom for me. I'm always happy to see the red buds blooming.