idea for a video game intro
Voice Over: Remember when video games were cool? *footage of Contra, Guerilla War, Smash TV, etc*
Voice Over: Well, now those days are back in Juan Rambo and Upchuck Borris vs. the Commie Terrorist Bastards! Behold! Two men so ugly that they are irrestistable to women!
*image of the two stars looking ugly while surrounded by bikini girls*
Voice Over: Witness as commando-on-the-run Rambo strives to save his faithful sidekick Jeremy!
*Rambo and boy sidekick Jeremy walk through a field*
Jeremy: Gee whiz, Rambo! I hope there's no mines!
*Jeremy explodes. Cut to him in a body cast while Rambo and a doctor stand at his bedside*
Doctor: I'm afraid he won't pull through.
Rambo: I'll kill those ninja bastards for this!
*Cut to Rambo massacring ninjas with machine guns, then cut back to the hospital room*
Doctor: Good news! Jeremy's going to live! Your manliness inspired him to pull through!
Rambo: All right!
*gives the "camera" a thumbs up, while smiling hideously*
Voice Over: Admire Upchuck Borris, former POW, 20th dan black belt in over 1,000 martial arts, and former member of the special forces in all five branches of the military!
*Upchuck Borris stands against a big dude. Upchuck Borris punches him repeatedly until he falls over then starts to walk away. The dude stands up.*
Dude: I'll kill you for that!
Upchuck Borris: You don't understand. You're already dead.
Dude: What? I -- Argh!
*Dude's head explodes in a geyser of blood while Upchuck Borris walks away in slow motion.*
Voice Over: Communists, terrorists, foreigners, hippies, peaceful protesters -- no enemy of the state is too dangerous for these true patriots to handle in the name of the American way!
*Stereotypical hippie is standing on a street corner. Rambo throws an incendiary grenade at him, lighting him on fire and causing him to run around in circles.*
Rambo: Put that in your peace pipe and smoke it, commie!
Voice Over: Juan Rambo and Upchuck Borris vs. the Commie Terrorist Bastards! Coming to a game console near you at an indeterminate time in the future!
Voice Over: Well, now those days are back in Juan Rambo and Upchuck Borris vs. the Commie Terrorist Bastards! Behold! Two men so ugly that they are irrestistable to women!
*image of the two stars looking ugly while surrounded by bikini girls*
Voice Over: Witness as commando-on-the-run Rambo strives to save his faithful sidekick Jeremy!
*Rambo and boy sidekick Jeremy walk through a field*
Jeremy: Gee whiz, Rambo! I hope there's no mines!
*Jeremy explodes. Cut to him in a body cast while Rambo and a doctor stand at his bedside*
Doctor: I'm afraid he won't pull through.
Rambo: I'll kill those ninja bastards for this!
*Cut to Rambo massacring ninjas with machine guns, then cut back to the hospital room*
Doctor: Good news! Jeremy's going to live! Your manliness inspired him to pull through!
Rambo: All right!
*gives the "camera" a thumbs up, while smiling hideously*
Voice Over: Admire Upchuck Borris, former POW, 20th dan black belt in over 1,000 martial arts, and former member of the special forces in all five branches of the military!
*Upchuck Borris stands against a big dude. Upchuck Borris punches him repeatedly until he falls over then starts to walk away. The dude stands up.*
Dude: I'll kill you for that!
Upchuck Borris: You don't understand. You're already dead.
Dude: What? I -- Argh!
*Dude's head explodes in a geyser of blood while Upchuck Borris walks away in slow motion.*
Voice Over: Communists, terrorists, foreigners, hippies, peaceful protesters -- no enemy of the state is too dangerous for these true patriots to handle in the name of the American way!
*Stereotypical hippie is standing on a street corner. Rambo throws an incendiary grenade at him, lighting him on fire and causing him to run around in circles.*
Rambo: Put that in your peace pipe and smoke it, commie!
Voice Over: Juan Rambo and Upchuck Borris vs. the Commie Terrorist Bastards! Coming to a game console near you at an indeterminate time in the future!