Disturbing
I do things I know I shouldn't do, like eat bad foods or waste time. This is disturbing to me. I should be able to control myself. My overall goal is partly to be able to understand a situation or a need, then respond to it as effectively as possible.
I often feel anxiety. Why do I feel this? It is irrational. I need to figure out how to supress my weak emotions (fear, anger, embarrasment, etc.). They serve me no purpose. Well, that's not entirely true.
When I was about 17 or 18, I figured out something that I've got a lot of mileage out of. I realized that pain is just your body telling you it's come to harm. Now, if a fire alarm comes out, you can panic and run as fast as you can without thinking, or you can calmly but swiftly make your exit. Pain is the same way. You can either react poorly, or you can realize that it is a message of harm and act upon that. Now, when I am in pain, instead of yelling or griping, I wonder what has created this pain and work to resolve it.
I should be able to do the same thing with my emotions. Fear is a natural response to keep us safe, but it is often very irrational, especially within modern society. Anger is a form of fear, created to make us attack whatever is causing us fear -- a self-defense mechanism. Clearly this is pretty unacceptable in modern society in most cases. If something needs physical violence applied to it, we should be able to consider the situation and apply our good common sense to the situation, instead of reacting upon gut instinct. Embarrasment is a fear of ridicule. We are social creatures and we seek prestige among our own kind. A person who has suffered much ridicule is much like a wolf at the lowest rank of his pack, and certainly people who are socially low can show it as surely as a wolf with its tail held low. These things are not rational. When I feel fear, I should be able to reason what the source of the fear is and whether it merits a reaction like avoidance.
Part of what brought this line of thought on is my full-on return to drinking caffiene. I was sick a few weeks ago, and it was giving me a tremendous headache. This occured at the same time as I was trying to get off of caffiene entirely, after recently falling off the wagon somewhat. Now, why is it that I can understand that caffiene is bad for me, and yet I still don't get off it? I fear I am deeply flawed.
I often feel anxiety. Why do I feel this? It is irrational. I need to figure out how to supress my weak emotions (fear, anger, embarrasment, etc.). They serve me no purpose. Well, that's not entirely true.
When I was about 17 or 18, I figured out something that I've got a lot of mileage out of. I realized that pain is just your body telling you it's come to harm. Now, if a fire alarm comes out, you can panic and run as fast as you can without thinking, or you can calmly but swiftly make your exit. Pain is the same way. You can either react poorly, or you can realize that it is a message of harm and act upon that. Now, when I am in pain, instead of yelling or griping, I wonder what has created this pain and work to resolve it.
I should be able to do the same thing with my emotions. Fear is a natural response to keep us safe, but it is often very irrational, especially within modern society. Anger is a form of fear, created to make us attack whatever is causing us fear -- a self-defense mechanism. Clearly this is pretty unacceptable in modern society in most cases. If something needs physical violence applied to it, we should be able to consider the situation and apply our good common sense to the situation, instead of reacting upon gut instinct. Embarrasment is a fear of ridicule. We are social creatures and we seek prestige among our own kind. A person who has suffered much ridicule is much like a wolf at the lowest rank of his pack, and certainly people who are socially low can show it as surely as a wolf with its tail held low. These things are not rational. When I feel fear, I should be able to reason what the source of the fear is and whether it merits a reaction like avoidance.
Part of what brought this line of thought on is my full-on return to drinking caffiene. I was sick a few weeks ago, and it was giving me a tremendous headache. This occured at the same time as I was trying to get off of caffiene entirely, after recently falling off the wagon somewhat. Now, why is it that I can understand that caffiene is bad for me, and yet I still don't get off it? I fear I am deeply flawed.