it's that day
I wasn't so nervous about Seumas yesterday, but as soon as I got into bed last night my mind just wouldn't switch off. So I ended up getting only three hours sleep.
Today has been cool! I met up with workSarah and her friends to walk from Luna Park to Hunters Hill. It was supposed to take us 5 hours but we did it in just over 4 and we weren't even walking that fast! After lunch the others kept going but I wanted to go to church tonight cause Mel is getting baptised and it was way easier for me to get public transport from Hunters Hill than anywhere further along. But I like hanging out with people casually like that... everyone is really nice and easy-going and chats about random stuff and what we're seeing... I also got to have a talk with a girl at the end about how she thinks all religions will get you to Heaven which was cool...
I don't really feel like writing the next bit but I know that the Seumas-Little Love Saga is the only reason some people read this journal so here is my side of the story.
Seumas called me half-way through at about 10am. I wasn't expecting him to call til later as I thought he would have morning church on. Um. Yeah, not a fun conversation. He asked if I still loved him and I had to say it was more no than yes. He asked if I wanted us to work out and I said I didn't know because I don't know if he'd be a good husband.
I mean... we don't know each other anymore or at least I hope we don't cause if all is the same I can't stay with him.
So maybe I do actually want things to work out, but in a fantasy kind of way, and you just can't put that on someone.
I'm pretty pessimistic. He sounded just as all-words-no-action as before.
But we are going to go for a walk tomorrow.
I told him we weren't to read each other's journals but I really want to read his. But it will only make me stress, and distract me at work, so I won't. But I really want to.
I suppose...I still love him... in that I want to hold him and take care of him and love him and be with him... but it's too hard (and frankly pointless) to take hold of that feeling when the person you love doesn't take care of you back. There are urges to 'save' him but that is not healthy.
The issue is that when he says he loves me but doesn't ACT like he loves me, he just hurts me. If his feelings naturally produce deeds than maybe there is hope but yeah...
IT'S SO COMPLICATED.
Today has been cool! I met up with workSarah and her friends to walk from Luna Park to Hunters Hill. It was supposed to take us 5 hours but we did it in just over 4 and we weren't even walking that fast! After lunch the others kept going but I wanted to go to church tonight cause Mel is getting baptised and it was way easier for me to get public transport from Hunters Hill than anywhere further along. But I like hanging out with people casually like that... everyone is really nice and easy-going and chats about random stuff and what we're seeing... I also got to have a talk with a girl at the end about how she thinks all religions will get you to Heaven which was cool...
I don't really feel like writing the next bit but I know that the Seumas-Little Love Saga is the only reason some people read this journal so here is my side of the story.
Seumas called me half-way through at about 10am. I wasn't expecting him to call til later as I thought he would have morning church on. Um. Yeah, not a fun conversation. He asked if I still loved him and I had to say it was more no than yes. He asked if I wanted us to work out and I said I didn't know because I don't know if he'd be a good husband.
I mean... we don't know each other anymore or at least I hope we don't cause if all is the same I can't stay with him.
So maybe I do actually want things to work out, but in a fantasy kind of way, and you just can't put that on someone.
I'm pretty pessimistic. He sounded just as all-words-no-action as before.
But we are going to go for a walk tomorrow.
I told him we weren't to read each other's journals but I really want to read his. But it will only make me stress, and distract me at work, so I won't. But I really want to.
I suppose...I still love him... in that I want to hold him and take care of him and love him and be with him... but it's too hard (and frankly pointless) to take hold of that feeling when the person you love doesn't take care of you back. There are urges to 'save' him but that is not healthy.
The issue is that when he says he loves me but doesn't ACT like he loves me, he just hurts me. If his feelings naturally produce deeds than maybe there is hope but yeah...
IT'S SO COMPLICATED.