(no subject)

[earthly_being]

i'm worried about cassie. she hasn't posted since april and i haven't heard from her since longer than that. every so often i check her journal to see if she's posted and always she hasn't. i don't blame her for not posting or getting ahold of me. i haven't been the friend she needed me to be. *sigh* i hate myself for it. i try so hard to be the friend that everyone needs me to be but i can never give enough. why am i so limited? why can't i always be there for someone. i just want all my freinds to be happy forever, they've given me so much happiness. but i haven't given them anything. in fact most seem to come out of freindship with me worse than when they started. freindship is supposed to help people's lives but i only ruin them. ah well last day of school. no more 7:00 to 2:30 days just sleeping late, untill monday two weeks from now that is. and because school has ended do not expect as many updates from me untill school starts again. i'll try but it won't be easy. we have to play at commencement tommorro which means dieing in the gym/or outside, for a few hours for a bunch of people i don't know. scratch that i know a few and i know that they will be gratefull for us playing. but the others, as with the rest of the non-band school, will expect us to play. allow me to pause for a breif rant. i'm not a braggart. i take credit where it is due and i take punishments where they are due. but i also expect that people give me credit when it is due. throughout the year we have busted our buts, staying late, to play pep band for the games. of the 43 games that we played at, we received to thank you's and both of these were from the activities director after we had spent 3 straight days playing at the boys basketball tournement. perhaps i am being selfish but i wish that we had gotten a little more credit for our hard work. the school has no idea what we do just to give them music. we take time off of work, we postpone projects and homework, we stay at games untill they are over sometimes untill 11:00ish at night. okay so it turned into a little more than a brief rant. but i don't give a damn. good bye all. till next time...
live long prosper and may the force be with you.
josh