(no subject)
hmm update... there is so much for me to say and so little space to say it. you never know what's going to be important later. i'm miserable with myself again. no noones dumped me. this time it's me that did the dumping. i'm worried though becuase i'm such good freinds with this person i don't want to lose what we have. but i'd rather lose what we have than to have her live through the relationship i want. she's not ready for it. she's not ready for the hopelessness i get sometimes. she doesn't understand who i really am. if she did she'd not be with me anymore. but that's life. what imbitters me so much though is that even with the recent end of the other i've already started another. my life seems an endless cycle of crushes and half assed relationships. i don't know why i am so addicted to that which can only hurt me. i think that minha put it best, she said that i'm addicted to dating like an addict is addicted to a drug. it dosen't matter to me how much it hurts, i need it all the same. she's right too. my life is defined by those who care about me. if there isn't anyone who cares about me i get miserable. and when i find someone who cares about me i latch on vehemently to them. scareing them off. god i need a psycologist, or a psychiatrist.