Fuck it...
Why do people always have to do this shit to me? All I want to do is have some time to relax, to have fun and to get away from all the stressful shit. Naturally I can't have that right? My sister has to be shoved up my ass all evening and if she isn't, then my mum has to be bitching and telling me how worthless I am for all the shit I manage to do wrong. Sometimes... I really hate life. But right now, I hate death more and that's probably the only thing that manages to keep me going. Lately... it's been a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. I just want to lay there and... imagine nothingness. That would be nice. No friends to worry about protecting, no people to worry about impressing. I'm a failure at that too. All I manage to do is hurt people, fuck up everyone's lives. I just really want to get away from everything. School, work, friends, family... Can't someone just please save me from all this? Am I too much of a dreamer to hope I'll find someone to rescue me, catch my hand before I fall so far from the edge of the cliff that I can't be caught and brought back to safety. Is my burden too heavy for anyone to hold? Is that why I haven't been saved yet...? I really... don't care anymore. Maybe that's it. I'm just so tired of dealing with all the bullshit, so... I stop. I'm not sad about things I've lost, I'm not happy for the things I've gotten. I just stand and watch as everything I love gets blown away in a gust of wind. I guess I've gotten really fucked up this time... I go through this a lot, but it always seems so bad every time it happens. Well... that's all....