The Power of Love Chapter 13
Hey all, here's Chapter 13 of the Power of Love at last. I'm not as happy as I could be with it but it turned out okay in the end - though I got kinda carried away with it...Anyway, hope you like it! ^^
Title: The Power of Love
Chapter: Chapter 13 - Sometimes When We Touch
Genre: AU/angsty/fluffy/sad for this chapter
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Rating: R for this part
Warnings: M/m sex, a very vulnerable Ennis, sadness
Summary: Jack and Ennis finally have a change after an argument
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters - they are the creation of Annie Proulx. The story of Brokeback Mountain is hers too - I’m just giving my version of it for no profit, just for fun and curiosity! J I don’t mean any disrespect at all ^^
Author’s Note: I’m adding parts, taking away parts, expanding parts, exaggerating parts and just plain making up some parts in this. I love the original Brokeback Mountain story so I’m not doing this to make it any better - I just wanted to do a multi chapter Jack/Ennis story and have some fun with them (again!)!
Feedback: That’d be fantastic! Always appreciated! ^^
Ennis found himself back in the main camp the next night, sitting with his arms wrapped tight around him in the tent. He was cold and lonely and considering he hadn’t seen Jack since their argument the previous evening, also very worried. Yet he didn’t know what about. Deep inside him, he knew he felt bad about the things he’d said and that it wasn’t Jack’s fault this had happened but there was something else to it as well. He didn’t want Jack to hate him after the angry words they’d shared, as he was at least a companion on an otherwise lonesome mountain, yet he was still confused. By being with Jack, memories that he’d rather have forgotten were being dragged up from his childhood and they frightened him immensely, driving him into deeper distress.
When he was only a very young child, there had been two men living in his hometown who were as tough as anything but they lived together so no one had really cared about their personality. Ennis didn’t understand, being at that tender age, though upon hearing what Earl and Rich’s (for those were their names) fate was, his Father had took him and his brother down to the irrigation ditch and shown them the horrible truth of the matter. One of the men had been tossed mercilessly there, his body mangled and mutilated, and he was as still as the world seemed around him. That image had stuck in Ennis’s mind all through his life since that day and he despised to think about it, knowing it wasn’t something a young boy wanted to see. He hadn’t fully grasped the whole meaning of it back then but his Father had told him in no uncertain terms what it meant and Ennis had never forgotten his words. He had never been overly worried about them yet now, his heart was thudding with fright, realising that the implications of the picture permanently imprinted in his brain were finally hitting very close to home. He didn’t want to be like that. He did not want to be like that.
After a while, he found he was muttering those words to himself over and over again, shaking his head in despair. He clutched his body tight and knew that he had never felt so lonely in his life. He had Alma waiting for him at home, a wedding on the near horizon, and their plans were going well, yet that didn’t seem to register with him anymore. All that was in his thoughts was Brokeback Mountain and Jack Twist and those two men back in his old hometown when he was a child. Why was this happening to him? He never asked for anything like it to occur.
Suddenly though, as he stared into the darkness before him, there was a noise outside in the camp and the canvas opening of the tent was pulled back. Jack crawled into the shelter but Ennis didn’t turn, not being able to face him. For a while, there was no other sound but then his companion took off his shirt and leant closer to him, almost resting his head on his shoulder. Ennis looked slightly to the side, not wanting to even catch Jack’s scent.
‘’ Ennis...?’’ he asked gently, barely above a whisper. ‘’ Ennis, ah’m sorry about last night...Ah didn’t mean ta hurt ya, ya know ah didn’t...’S mah fault...’’
Ennis didn’t reply, just brought his shoulders up closer to his ears in a defensive position and stared into the dark before him, trying to pretend he was again alone in the tent. He was terrified of what Jack might try to do. Yet, for another few minutes, there was silence once more and finally, Jack pulled back, sighing softly and lying back on the bedroll. Ennis continued to sit up at the end of it and even when Jack curled up into a sleeping position behind him, he didn’t move. He didn’t want to move. Not for the rest of the night until Jack had gone back up to the sheep. He wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.
About half an hour seemed to pass by after that - it could have been longer, could have been shorter but Ennis didn’t really care. Time didn’t matter to him anymore. His thoughts and worries had broken through the boundaries of minutes and hours and had left him confused and disorientated again. He had never wondered and pondered so much before he came up onto this mountain. Jack had caused that too. Another reason to ignore him. He used to have a good, simple life until Brokeback. Now that was all over.
Yet, suddenly, as he shivered in the cold breeze drifting through the tent and furiously tried to stop his eyes from getting hot, he heard another noise behind him and there was a delicious warmth against his back. He wanted to sink into it, wanted that so much, but he couldn’t, memories of Earl and Rich creeping in. He turned his head to the side again, feeling breath at his ear, yet this time there was no halt, no stopping. Jack’s hands slowly slid around his stomach, being very gentle, and he froze, being in almost too much of a delicate state to be touched. Jack sensed this reaction but wasn’t scared. He moved his hands around further so now his arms were wrapped around his waist and attempted pulling Ennis back, yearning to make him feel more comfortable. He didn’t want to see him like this. He hated it.
‘’ See...’’ he muttered softly after a bit, feeling the cowboy trembling. ‘’ ...it’s alright...’’
And very gradually, he rocked him further back into his arms and guided him ever so gently onto the bedroll beside him, noticing how big and frightened his eyes were in the dark. It seemed like his outer shell had been smashed to pieces and now he was left alone and very vulnerable in the world, as scared as a child without company and far away from home. There was something much more than the argument they’d had troubling him.
‘’ It’s okay, it’s okay...’’ he whispered again and again but Ennis wouldn’t let him touch anymore, nervously batting his hands away as he advanced. Jack didn’t try to push him though. Strangely, he looked like he might cry at any moment and that was the last thing Jack wanted. He would only go at the pace Ennis set.
For a while, they just laid there, looking at each other and wondering what was happening to them. Jack’s fingers hovered inches away from Ennis’s skin, almost needing to pet or stroke him to try and bring out some type of comfort, but Ennis kept glancing at them with frightened eyes, warning him off without saying a word. Something was happening that night and neither was sure whether they wanted to know what it was.
Yet, still, Jack remained confident. He didn’t gaze anywhere else but Ennis’s wide brown eyes and hardly moved at all, not wanting to lest he broke the silent bond between them. Ennis continued to shiver in front of him though, almost whimpering in the cruel evening. He didn’t know what to do with himself but as he began to close his eyes, longing for sleep that he knew wouldn’t come, Jack finally couldn’t take it anymore. Gently, he reached for Ennis’s hand and trying to ignore his scared glance, guided it to his bare chest, placing it over his softly beating heart. Ennis gulped and sniffed, too wound up in too many emotions to move any further.
‘’ Ennis...’’ Jack muttered tenderly, placing a hand over his companion’s. He was so cold. ‘’ It’s alright...You can touch me...’’
Ennis shook his head slowly but Jack just reached out and brushed his cheek with a finger, smoothing out a flinch. ‘’ Don’t be scared...Nothing bad’s gonna happen to you. Ah promise...’’
Ennis sniffed again and bit his bottom lip. He didn’t want to disappoint Jack and there was a yearning desire deep inside of him, wanting - needing - to feel him but Earl and Rich were back in his mind again and the irrigation ditch was following them. He didn’t know if he could do it.
‘’ Ennis...It’s alright, friend...Jus’ me an’ you...No one else...’’
Ennis gradually nodded, trying to convince himself now, and very slowly curved his fingers, stroking along Jack’s soft skin and sensing how warm he was, accepting his insecure touch. A strange bond bloomed between them and he moved closer, raising another shuddering hand and unsurely putting it on Jack’s chest too. Jack smiled and looked at him with encouraging eyes, willing him onwards. Ennis attempted a smile back but ended up nuzzling up against Jack’s neck, desperately fighting back tears. He sobbed quietly and blindly rubbed over his companion’s skin, up and down his chest then his sides to caress his neck and cheek, fingering his dark, fluffy hair. Jack could tell how terrified he still was so after a while, he took his hands and squeezed them slightly, turning onto his side. Ennis looked up at him and his eyes were a little red, glossy in the pale moonlight. Adoringly, Jack mouthed his name and leant in, almost hearing him whisper ‘’no...’’ to the night.
But as he closed his eyes and felt their bodies press together, honest warmth spreading between them. Ennis trembled all over and pulled back slightly, turning away from Jack’s willing mouth. He clutched his hand and tried to tell him not to do this yet nothing came out. So he attempted to accept it, his eyes already closed to stop the tears from falling, and parted his lips, his heart beating uncontrollably as they connected with Jack’s. And then, all of a sudden, they were embracing, Ennis grasping his arms and not sure whether he wanted to stop or carry on. He didn’t know what was happening to him anymore...
Instinctively, he winced as Jack tenderly cupped his cheek and encouraged the kiss to deepen considerably, tongues now being introduced. Ennis grabbed frantically onto his companion for dear life, oblivion spinning around him. Within the swirling mists, the image of the irrigation ditch suddenly flashed into his mind, followed by his father, Earl, Rich and Aguirre and immediately, he tensed up, his eyes flying open. Jack tried to hug him to calm him down but he roughly pushed him off, breathing heavily.
‘’ Ennis....Ennis, what’s wrong, friend...?’’ he asked softly, trying to reach out and help. ‘’ Tell me what’s up, Ennis...’’
Ennis shook his head and brought a hand to his forehead, stifling a sob. Jack looked up at him with kind eyes for a while and then extended an arm again, stroking his blonde hair. Ennis turned once more, gulping heavily and almost losing his control over his tears as Jack leant in to whisper into his ear.
‘’ Please don’t be scared, Ennis...’’ he murmured with all the tenderness in the world. ‘’ Ah’m not gonna hurt you, friend an’ ah’m not gonna push you or nothin’, okay...? Please don’t tremble like this...There’s nothing to be afraid of...’’
‘’ Ah know...’’ Ennis replied ever so quietly though he couldn’t believe it. ‘’ Ah’m so sorry, Jack...’’
‘’ Not your fault, friend.’’ And Jack smiled sweetly, stroking Ennis’s cheek with one hand and ducking his head slightly to gently kiss his neck. Ennis tried to loosen up and go along with it all - tried to believe in Jack’s sincere words - but it was so hard, especially when Jack’s other hand dropped to fondle the first button on his shirt. Once again, he froze yet not wanting to disappoint, let them come undone at his companion’s deft touch until the material fell away.
‘’ Jack...’’ he choked out, looking up into his blue eyes as he pulled his undershirt over his head. He had no idea what was going to happen that night. That scared him. And all of a sudden, he was even more shy, feeling bare in front of Jack, even though he’d been completely naked with him before. He couldn’t move, paralyzed by nerves and worries. Jack sensed this and put a hand on his chest, dipping his head to kiss at the skin over and over again. Ennis closed his eyes and unsurely petted his hair, hearing encouragement flow from Jack’s mouth. ‘’ Oh Ennis....’’ he breathed quietly, letting him hold his hand again. ‘’ Ennis, you’re so beautiful...so, so beautiful...’’
‘’ Ah’m not, Jack...’’ Ennis replied, shaking his head. ‘’ Not at all...’’
‘’ Yes you are, Ennis...Ah think you are...The most beautiful person ah’ve ever seen...’’
Ennis sniffed, overwhelmed by emotion, and heard the sound of metal scratching over leather as Jack’s belt came undone. His heart skipped but he tried to block out noises, concentrating on the feeling of Jack’s lips all over his chest and neck. But, after a bit, his own belt was unbuckled and he immediately opened his eyes, glancing down with a wide gaze. Jack returned it, looking up and smiling tenderly, showing it was alright. Ennis felt he couldn’t stop him as he slid off both of their jeans, though he trembled even more than before when they both ended up naked, under the covers together. Sensing he was struggling, Jack slowly slid off the top of him and lay beside his body, seeing he was on the point of breakdown, sniffing and running his hands over his forehead and face while tears brimmed in his eyes.
‘’ Jack, Jack...’’ he was muttering desperately, shaking his head. ‘’ Jack, Jack, ah don’t - ah don’t know what ah want anymore...Ah jus’ don’t - don’t...’’
‘’ Ssssh, sssh, Ennis...’’ Jack whispered tenderly, leaning back in and embracing him. This time, Ennis accepted and buried his face in his companion’s shoulder, his throat aching with the amount of tears he was trying to swallow and keep back. Jack rocked him gently and after a while, he gradually laid him back down, sitting beside him. Ennis watched him with sparkling, wet eyes and then lifted a hand, unsure of what he desired. Still, Jack took it and kissed his fingers lightly, advancing slowly down his arm. ‘’ So beautiful, Ennis...’’ he whispered again and Ennis moved the other arm around his neck, feeling him move on top once more. His kisses shifted to his neck and Ennis turned his head again, hearing admirable words slip from his mouth between soft caresses.
‘’ Oh Ennis...’’ he sighed lightly. ‘’ Oh Ennis, please kiss me...’’
Ennis hesitated but Jack still stroked his cheeks and leant down, telling him everything was okay. Their mouths met again and Ennis felt helpless beneath him, his hands almost pinned to the bedroll by fear. He didn’t dare touch Jack anymore as they increased their intimacy. Yet Jack sank further onto him, invisible but beautiful warmth connecting them once more. Their hearts beat together and Ennis knew how gentle and slow Jack was being with him. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful and he certainly didn’t want to disappoint him but he couldn’t return the confidence. Still, halfway through the kiss, Jack’s hand moved and one ended up on his knee, spreading his legs ever so slightly. Ennis immediately broke away, his eyes wide.
Jack just smiled. ‘’ Ennis, it’s alright...Ah won’t do it if you don’t want me to...’’
Ennis gulped. He didn’t know what he wanted, certainly not now. His heart was pounding faster than ever but Jack’s soft, calming eyes were melting into his soul, making him tremble further and almost let tears drip down his cheeks. His companion was being so sweet, miles away from how he’d first imagined him all those weeks ago when they’d first met, and the emotions from this were overwhelming him. He couldn’t speak but he tried opening his legs a little more, ignoring his raging nerves. Jack smiled again and between tender encouragements, took a damp bar of soap from his jacket pocket. ‘’ Ennis, you know ah’ll stop if you want me to...Ah’ll go slow, ah promise...Ah won’t hurt you...’’
Ennis nodded, but he wasn’t really listening. He was lost in this strange world and wondering what was happening to him. He’d never been more scared in his life. Still, as Jack leant back over him, pressing their foreheads together, he didn’t reach up to hold him. He could barely move anymore than the position he was already in.
‘’...okay, Ennis?’’ Jack muttered somewhere down the line when his fingers were wet with soap. ‘’ Tell me when you’re ready, darlin’...Jus’ relax...’’
‘’ Ah- ah’m ready...’’ Ennis sobbed, trying desperately to do what his partner said. This was going to hurt even more if he didn’t. Jack nodded and then slid a hand up between his shaking legs, finding his target. Ennis turned cold as the tip of his finger penetrated him. A gasp escaped his unwary lips. ‘’ Sssh...’’ came the soft reply and Jack moved further inside, feeling Ennis swallow him. ‘’ Ah’m gonna try another, Ennis...Don’t worry...’’
Another gasp fell from Ennis’s mouth as Jack gained entrance again, scissoring with his other finger. White lights burst in front of his eyes and he thought he felt a tear trickle down his cheek. It hurt a lot. ‘’ Uh Jack, please...’’ he whispered but too quietly for Jack to hear.
‘’ Okay, Ennis...’’ Jack just continued, petting his companion’s sides and hair to try and calm him. ‘’ Ah’m gonna go for one more...Ah’m so sorry if this hurts...You’ve gotta be ready, friend...’’
And a third finger went in before Ennis could adjust to the last, making him shuffle. Jack held him steady, nuzzling his neck. But then his fingers were gone and Ennis was left feeling slightly empty, though the intrusions had been quite painful. He knew it was nothing compared to what was about to come though. His mind was spinning. Did he really want this to happen? Worries from the previous week crept back into his head. He couldn’t give himself over like this, could only just trust Jack...Still, the tranquil look on his companion’s face made him melt, attempting to turn his thoughts around.
‘’ Ennis...’’ Jack whispered, letting their lips come within centimetres of each other again. Ennis gulped, caught somewhere between paradise and hell. ‘’ Ah can stop if you want me to, Ennis...Ah ain’t gonna do anythin’ that you don’t want, you know that, right? ‘S the last thing ah wanna do...Do you want this...?’’
Ennis choked out another sob, opening his legs wide. ‘’ Jus’ do it, Jack...’’ he whimpered and Jack nodded, lathering himself with more than enough soap. Ennis was touched at how much he really didn’t want to cause him pain, though he could tell he was frightened too. It didn’t help how he was feeling. Yet he didn’t know what that was.
‘’ Alright, Ennis...’’ Jack murmured, his voice trembling by then. ‘’ Lift your legs, darlin’...That’s gonna make it easier...’’ Ennis did as he was told and realised all of a sudden they had never done this face to face before. He couldn’t bare to acknowledge what he was doing when he was in bed with Jack. ‘’ That’s it...’’ Jack continued, terrified now of hurting Ennis. ‘’ Now...jus’ wrap them around me...Ah’ll go slow, promise...Tell me what you want an’ we’ll do that...’’
But Ennis couldn’t speak. He desperately wrapped his legs around Jack’s waist and then clung on for dear life as he glanced down momentarily, getting in position. He thought he might faint yet Jack gently stroked his arms and hair, then lacing their fingers together. Ennis clutched his hand tightly. ‘’ Ennis...relax...please...sweetheart, ah won’t hurt you...’’
And then suddenly everything happened at once. Jack entered Ennis and he cried out, unable to help himself. Pain grasped all his body and he instinctively tightened, warning Jack. ‘’ It’ll get better, Ennis...get better...oh...Ennis...trust me, darlin’...’’
Ennis shook and felt Jack bury his face in the crook of his neck, moving a little. He was trying to break through but he wasn’t letting him, pushing back. There was something much more than pain troubling him. But Jack was being so kind, taking things slower than Ennis had ever dreamt of. He knew how much this meant, though he hated to admit that, and gradually he found himself attempting to help. He spread his legs wider and wider and lifted his hips a little more, hearing Jack whimpering softly on top of him. With a little moan, he thrust forward once again and finally, got through. Ennis’s eyes flew open but Jack just sighed, finding warmth waiting for him.
‘’ Jack...!’’ Ennis sobbed but though he was still terrified, pleasure was slowly drifting over him. Jack’s rhythm was so soft and tender and his movement was barely there. Before long, Ennis found himself moving along with him. It felt so strange to be doing this. ‘’ Oh Jack, please...’’
‘’ Ennis...’’ Jack tried not to moan and alarm Ennis yet he couldn’t deny how wonderful this was. His companion was finally meeting his thrusts and they were gradually discovering a slow but passionate pace, the warm sheets falling over them. He could feel him trembling still though he didn’t know what it was from anymore. Oblivion was soaring around them and the world could have been ending and they wouldn’t have noticed.
However, after a while, Ennis began to shake further, his whole body captured under a long shiver. Jack held him close and at last, he returned the embrace, reaching out for him for the first time during sex. It had never, never, never been like this before. A horribly odd feeling was creeping through his veins. He knew he was slowly giving himself over.
‘’ Oh...’’ he sighed and Jack nuzzled him, beginning to discover more and more. On a few thrusts, he brushed on a delicate, secret spot inside Ennis and his companion gasped in surprise, not knowing of such places. And as Jack continued to push into it, he started to moan, hardly able to keep the sounds back anymore. Much to his despair, the warning signals were rolling over him, completely out of his control. He had never come before Jack, always made sure to hold out longer than him. He couldn’t do this, couldn’t, just couldn’t...
Jack knew what was happening, felt every single movement of Ennis’s and was fully aware of what each meant. Ennis was terrified again. He wished more than anything he would just relax and let this occur naturally. ‘’ Ennis...’’ he panted, hitting that spot over and over again. ‘’ Oh Ennis...it’s okay...come for me, sweetheart...’’
‘’ Ah cain’t...’’ Ennis moaned, desperately shaking his head and trying to ignore the overwhelming bliss slowly claiming him. ‘’ Jack, please, ah cain’t, ah cain’t...’’
‘’ It’s alright...alright...alright...’’
‘’ Nooo...’’ Ennis panted, closing his eyes even tighter shut and trying to fight the forces of nature. But it was no use anymore. Jack was moaning and whimpering against his neck and continually hitting that spot inside of him, driving him further into flashing white lights sparkling in oblivion. ‘’ Ohhh Jaaack....please don’t - don’t...Ahhhh....’’
And that was it. Ennis clutched Jack desperately tight as he came, gasping and panting when it almost became too much for him. Darkness fell around him for a while and within it, he heard Jack’s final distant moan, signalling his finish. It lasted for what seemed like forever but finally, reality returned and Jack gently moved out of Ennis, sliding beside him.
‘’ En-Ennis...?’’ he asked quietly, gliding a hand over his cheek. ‘’ Ennis, you alright?’’
Slowly, Ennis nodded and turned onto his side, reaching out for a hug. Jack happily responded and they curled up in each other’s arms, hardly believing what had just happened. Ennis desperately clutched at dreams, wanting to escape, but deep within, he knew something had just changed. And as Jack gradually drifted off to sleep, he ran a finger over his cheek and whispered something in his ear. ‘’ Ah trust you, Jack....’’
TBC