self obsessed feel sorry for tanni. not really. kind of
Hi guys,
Well its been a while. Iv been feeling totally and utterly lost in london and havent had the energy to write it down. and plus i was on strike. Kirsten arrives at 545 tomoro morning so its all very exciting. its an especially good time because i had to say goodbye to damien as he set off for work in amsterdam. he went back home to ireland to see if he could find work but instead took up this great opportunity in amsterdam. I picked him up from the station on wednesday night, and could do nothing but be cold to him. i wouldnt hug him or kiss him and i was a proper bitch. then i decided i needed to swallow my pride and dignity and let him leave with positive memories. so we went and saw massive attack on friday night, took loads of pink pills and had an awesome couple of days. im going to go and see him in a couple of weeks and suss out the work opportunities in holland. a friend here is keen to go as well and it might just be a good change to get out of this town. and even though we arent over i still feel my heart is breaking. ooooh. on thursday after the night that i was a bitch to him i had an hour after work before i met up with him and who was playing in that hour? my lovely missy. so i sat in hyde park outside the festival gates and listened to her sweet tones. and i saw the corrs in the pub we were drinking in on wednesday night. now i have seen orlando bloom, kathleen turner and the corrs. so my work is giving me shitty hours because they dont like me, i need to find some new work in the next week or else im coming home. so in a way its good that damien isnt going to be a distraction for me just so i can sort out my life. i feel like im drowning and iv never been so out of control in my life. iv just realised the thing i dont like about live journal is that i cant seem to order my thoughts in a way that articulates what im saying. so i get frustrated with it and go on strike. there you go!! oh other big exciting news. australia through to the next round of the world cup!!! its fucking awesome atmosphere right now and im getting fully into the football. they are playing again tomoro at 4, so ben and i are gonna take kiki out and watch the game. i hope we get through.
maybe a new way i could get around this lj thing is if i list each individual thought as it comes to me. here goes...
i miss damien. he cried on the way home last night because he didnt want to leave me. he told me he has been happier with me then he has been in quite a while. no one has ever made me feel the way he does. when i found out he was leaving i drank a bottle of whiskey and didnt stop crying for two days. now i have no more tears left but im so scared that by the time i get to him he would of forgotton about me. my heart is broken.
im sick of living in the stupid hostel but because of finances and my current situation of not knowing what the fuck im doing im trapped. i have decided that from tomoro on the order in which i need to organise my life is - 1. work 2. living 3. damien. somehow i need to show kiki a good time as well!!!!! my auntie also gets here on wednesday which will be awesome. when do jimmy and joel arrive? is there anyway that i could contact them to see if they want to meet up?
so guys im sorry for the slackness and this post must sound so self obsessed but please just understand that im going through a really fucking hard time and i can barely handle having a shower let alone being a good friend. i am sorry and i have decided this week is the week my life gets sorted out!!! horay!!!!
i love you. t
Well its been a while. Iv been feeling totally and utterly lost in london and havent had the energy to write it down. and plus i was on strike. Kirsten arrives at 545 tomoro morning so its all very exciting. its an especially good time because i had to say goodbye to damien as he set off for work in amsterdam. he went back home to ireland to see if he could find work but instead took up this great opportunity in amsterdam. I picked him up from the station on wednesday night, and could do nothing but be cold to him. i wouldnt hug him or kiss him and i was a proper bitch. then i decided i needed to swallow my pride and dignity and let him leave with positive memories. so we went and saw massive attack on friday night, took loads of pink pills and had an awesome couple of days. im going to go and see him in a couple of weeks and suss out the work opportunities in holland. a friend here is keen to go as well and it might just be a good change to get out of this town. and even though we arent over i still feel my heart is breaking. ooooh. on thursday after the night that i was a bitch to him i had an hour after work before i met up with him and who was playing in that hour? my lovely missy. so i sat in hyde park outside the festival gates and listened to her sweet tones. and i saw the corrs in the pub we were drinking in on wednesday night. now i have seen orlando bloom, kathleen turner and the corrs. so my work is giving me shitty hours because they dont like me, i need to find some new work in the next week or else im coming home. so in a way its good that damien isnt going to be a distraction for me just so i can sort out my life. i feel like im drowning and iv never been so out of control in my life. iv just realised the thing i dont like about live journal is that i cant seem to order my thoughts in a way that articulates what im saying. so i get frustrated with it and go on strike. there you go!! oh other big exciting news. australia through to the next round of the world cup!!! its fucking awesome atmosphere right now and im getting fully into the football. they are playing again tomoro at 4, so ben and i are gonna take kiki out and watch the game. i hope we get through.
maybe a new way i could get around this lj thing is if i list each individual thought as it comes to me. here goes...
i miss damien. he cried on the way home last night because he didnt want to leave me. he told me he has been happier with me then he has been in quite a while. no one has ever made me feel the way he does. when i found out he was leaving i drank a bottle of whiskey and didnt stop crying for two days. now i have no more tears left but im so scared that by the time i get to him he would of forgotton about me. my heart is broken.
im sick of living in the stupid hostel but because of finances and my current situation of not knowing what the fuck im doing im trapped. i have decided that from tomoro on the order in which i need to organise my life is - 1. work 2. living 3. damien. somehow i need to show kiki a good time as well!!!!! my auntie also gets here on wednesday which will be awesome. when do jimmy and joel arrive? is there anyway that i could contact them to see if they want to meet up?
so guys im sorry for the slackness and this post must sound so self obsessed but please just understand that im going through a really fucking hard time and i can barely handle having a shower let alone being a good friend. i am sorry and i have decided this week is the week my life gets sorted out!!! horay!!!!
i love you. t