sigh...
sometimes i wonder who i am fooling with this crazy fantasy of me actually making it through all this schooling to get to be a marine/evolutionary/vulcanology scientist... i hate school... i kinda suck at it... and i have only been in for 2 years so far... not a great sign... i am really hoping that my mind will change once i go away to school... to be inspired... but ia m so afraid that i am setting myself up for dissappointment... building up all this hope just to be thrown down again... i am afraid of failure... afraid to fail yet again... to be on my own again... to be reliant on myself... someone that i have so little faith in... i am just so scared that all the bad things i believe about myself are true...