Harsh light of mourning
ooc: A bit of a fic based after this.
You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you.
One more time, how long or short she didn’t know. Was this the final day they would see one another or would there be more?
Rose had cried so much after he had left that night, silent tears into the covers of the pink room with the orchids. She could still smell him in there, closing her eyes she could still feel his lips on her own. The world of Rose Tyler was crumbling around her once more. Any shred of strength she had left inside her was vanishing like atoms in a black hole. There was no leaving that room that night, even after she had said goodbye she had gone back in there, curled up on the bed and just cried until sleep took her away.
I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you.
The next couple of days seemed like a blur. Jackie scolding her. Mickey and Jake coming to sit with her, anything to try and take her mind off of it. But the one who surprised her the most was her dad. He stayed with her for hours while she cried into his arms and not one moment did he say a bad word about the Doctor.
Her Doctor.
Her love.
Somehow he understood, all the heartache and all the pain was worth those happy moments. Maybe it had something to do with losing Jackie and finding her mom, maybe it was because of the things he had seen, the things he had lived through. Maybe it was just because he understood.
She was making it worse, doing the same thing that every human did when they were hurting. Lights off, curled up in bed listening to the saddest songs you can ever imagine. Taking yourself to the lowest and darkest place you can find, just to hide away and never be hurt again.
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.
She curled up tighter, dealing with the hurt she was feeling and getting it out of her system before he came back. How many more visits? How few hours? So little time. Maybe enough for one more adventure. Hand in hand with the man who owned her heart, who gave her a reason to fight, to live.
How many days had gone by since that night? How many would she have to wait until she saw him again?
~*~*~*~*~
The house was empty, cold, people going about their own lives. And here stood Rose Tyler, alone in the hallway in her pyjamas. It was almost three in the afternoon and this was the first time she had really left the bedroom.
Their room, the pink one with the Orchids.
Downstairs to the kitchen, cup of tea, toast, the smallest thing to help with this sick feeling in her stomach. The feeling that just wouldn’t go away.
I feel just like I’m sinking, And I claw for solid ground, I’m pulled down by the undertow, I never thought I could feel so low, Oh darkness I feel like letting go, If all of the strength and all of the courage, Come and lift me from this place, I know I could love you much better than this
Sitting, staring into the now cold cup of coffee.
“Rose?”
The words didn’t penetrate her thoughts, she didn’t her them, she didn’t hear Mickey walk into the kitchen.
“Rose?”
She felt his hand on her shoulder and looked up. Pale face, eyes red and puffy.
“Hey Mickey,” She smiled, but the smile didn’t hide the pain. “What brings you here?”
“Rose, I know this isn’t the best time for you but…I have to tell you this, I’m surprised you don’t know already.”
The blonde frowned deeply as she watched Mickey’s face. Tell her what, something seemed wrong to her. Had he seen the Doctor and he wasn’t coming back?
These wounds won't seem to heal, This pain is just too real, There's just too much that time cannot erase
Worry came more as he took her hand, her own so tiny and pale in his.
“Rose. I…I don’t have a girlfriend, I…” He looked away from her, “It’s Jake…Jake and I have been together since, well a good long while now.”
She smiled, happy for him but the tears came again. Everyone found happiness. Everyone but Rose Tyler.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears, And I held your hand through all of these years
~*~*~*~*~
The days turned to weeks, she was better but she wasn’t Rose. Not the Rose they all once knew. Now more than ever she understood, that Rose was dead. Died the day of the Earth War. She was just a shadow.
But Rose wouldn’t let them see, the truth would just bring them down. The hurt would consume them too.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Fingers ran over the leather bound book once more. A book for the Doctor, filled with anything and everything she could think of. All of the good times. No pain. No heartache. No loss. Just all the good from their time together.
Memory seeps from my veins
Inside the book she had written their names.
The Stories and Adventures of The Doctor and Rose Tyler, Team TARDIS.
As remembered by Rose Tyler.
This was the right kind of goodbye. Not a lusty night. Only a few things missing from inside it now, but she still had time. Goodbye wasn’t that far away.
On the first page was written:
“You showed me so many things. Ghosts from the past, Aliens from the Future. I saw the day the Earth died in an ball of flames. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t quiet and it wasn’t calm. But it was an adventure and so much more.
You showed me how to love without fear.”
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary; When troubles come and my heart burdened be; Then, I am still and wait here in the silence, Until you come and sit awhile with me.
There was a tear stain at the end and the ink had run just that little bit.
~*~*~*~*~
The wind whipped her hair across her face and she ignored it. The time was almost here, she had to plan the last of their time together.
Happy Rose. Smile for the Doctor. Show him what he needs to see. A tour of Torchwood, show him how she was living her life.
Just one more passage to put into the journal then it was his to carry on. Maybe someday he would find a way back and he could let her read his adventures.
Time was so short but when she saw him she would be strong. Strong for just him.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; You raise me up...To more than I can be
~*~*~*~*~
The key was done. Book finished, all but for some photographs and her last entry.
How many more visits? She couldn’t chance it.
Rose knew she would cry. That there would be hurt. Life was never easy, not for a Tyler. Not for Rose.
~*~*~*~*~
Resting the pen on the side she leaned down and placed a kiss on the page. It was here she told her last story. The one filled with love, with happiness, with meaningful kisses, and all the things that came from her heart.
“He was the Doctor and he gave me the world, I gave him my heart”
ooc: Everything in Italics are song lyrics. Westlife: Raise me up, My Immortal Evanescence, Goodbye my Lover: James Blunt, Angel: Sarah Mclaughlin.
You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you.
One more time, how long or short she didn’t know. Was this the final day they would see one another or would there be more?
Rose had cried so much after he had left that night, silent tears into the covers of the pink room with the orchids. She could still smell him in there, closing her eyes she could still feel his lips on her own. The world of Rose Tyler was crumbling around her once more. Any shred of strength she had left inside her was vanishing like atoms in a black hole. There was no leaving that room that night, even after she had said goodbye she had gone back in there, curled up on the bed and just cried until sleep took her away.
I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you.
The next couple of days seemed like a blur. Jackie scolding her. Mickey and Jake coming to sit with her, anything to try and take her mind off of it. But the one who surprised her the most was her dad. He stayed with her for hours while she cried into his arms and not one moment did he say a bad word about the Doctor.
Her Doctor.
Her love.
Somehow he understood, all the heartache and all the pain was worth those happy moments. Maybe it had something to do with losing Jackie and finding her mom, maybe it was because of the things he had seen, the things he had lived through. Maybe it was just because he understood.
She was making it worse, doing the same thing that every human did when they were hurting. Lights off, curled up in bed listening to the saddest songs you can ever imagine. Taking yourself to the lowest and darkest place you can find, just to hide away and never be hurt again.
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.
She curled up tighter, dealing with the hurt she was feeling and getting it out of her system before he came back. How many more visits? How few hours? So little time. Maybe enough for one more adventure. Hand in hand with the man who owned her heart, who gave her a reason to fight, to live.
How many days had gone by since that night? How many would she have to wait until she saw him again?
~*~*~*~*~
The house was empty, cold, people going about their own lives. And here stood Rose Tyler, alone in the hallway in her pyjamas. It was almost three in the afternoon and this was the first time she had really left the bedroom.
Their room, the pink one with the Orchids.
Downstairs to the kitchen, cup of tea, toast, the smallest thing to help with this sick feeling in her stomach. The feeling that just wouldn’t go away.
I feel just like I’m sinking, And I claw for solid ground, I’m pulled down by the undertow, I never thought I could feel so low, Oh darkness I feel like letting go, If all of the strength and all of the courage, Come and lift me from this place, I know I could love you much better than this
Sitting, staring into the now cold cup of coffee.
“Rose?”
The words didn’t penetrate her thoughts, she didn’t her them, she didn’t hear Mickey walk into the kitchen.
“Rose?”
She felt his hand on her shoulder and looked up. Pale face, eyes red and puffy.
“Hey Mickey,” She smiled, but the smile didn’t hide the pain. “What brings you here?”
“Rose, I know this isn’t the best time for you but…I have to tell you this, I’m surprised you don’t know already.”
The blonde frowned deeply as she watched Mickey’s face. Tell her what, something seemed wrong to her. Had he seen the Doctor and he wasn’t coming back?
These wounds won't seem to heal, This pain is just too real, There's just too much that time cannot erase
Worry came more as he took her hand, her own so tiny and pale in his.
“Rose. I…I don’t have a girlfriend, I…” He looked away from her, “It’s Jake…Jake and I have been together since, well a good long while now.”
She smiled, happy for him but the tears came again. Everyone found happiness. Everyone but Rose Tyler.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears, And I held your hand through all of these years
~*~*~*~*~
The days turned to weeks, she was better but she wasn’t Rose. Not the Rose they all once knew. Now more than ever she understood, that Rose was dead. Died the day of the Earth War. She was just a shadow.
But Rose wouldn’t let them see, the truth would just bring them down. The hurt would consume them too.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Fingers ran over the leather bound book once more. A book for the Doctor, filled with anything and everything she could think of. All of the good times. No pain. No heartache. No loss. Just all the good from their time together.
Memory seeps from my veins
Inside the book she had written their names.
The Stories and Adventures of The Doctor and Rose Tyler, Team TARDIS.
As remembered by Rose Tyler.
This was the right kind of goodbye. Not a lusty night. Only a few things missing from inside it now, but she still had time. Goodbye wasn’t that far away.
On the first page was written:
“You showed me so many things. Ghosts from the past, Aliens from the Future. I saw the day the Earth died in an ball of flames. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t quiet and it wasn’t calm. But it was an adventure and so much more.
You showed me how to love without fear.”
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary; When troubles come and my heart burdened be; Then, I am still and wait here in the silence, Until you come and sit awhile with me.
There was a tear stain at the end and the ink had run just that little bit.
~*~*~*~*~
The wind whipped her hair across her face and she ignored it. The time was almost here, she had to plan the last of their time together.
Happy Rose. Smile for the Doctor. Show him what he needs to see. A tour of Torchwood, show him how she was living her life.
Just one more passage to put into the journal then it was his to carry on. Maybe someday he would find a way back and he could let her read his adventures.
Time was so short but when she saw him she would be strong. Strong for just him.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; You raise me up...To more than I can be
~*~*~*~*~
The key was done. Book finished, all but for some photographs and her last entry.
How many more visits? She couldn’t chance it.
Rose knew she would cry. That there would be hurt. Life was never easy, not for a Tyler. Not for Rose.
~*~*~*~*~
Resting the pen on the side she leaned down and placed a kiss on the page. It was here she told her last story. The one filled with love, with happiness, with meaningful kisses, and all the things that came from her heart.
“He was the Doctor and he gave me the world, I gave him my heart”
ooc: Everything in Italics are song lyrics. Westlife: Raise me up, My Immortal Evanescence, Goodbye my Lover: James Blunt, Angel: Sarah Mclaughlin.