MHDAD!~
Title: My Heart Draws A Dream!
Author: EarnestInBerlin
Theme: 017. Depression
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: MiyavixBou (main)
Band[s]: Solo Miyavi, Antic Cafe
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Comments: Sorry for the slow update! Explanation inside.
Summary: Bou is your not so average cross dressing student who has been going to Holy Garden University for the last two (and a half!) years. All he wants (and needs) is a quiet life and to finally graduate from the horrid school he’s been forced to attend.
Not going to happen to this cross dresser.
Previously:
Chapitre Un
Chapitre Deux
Chapitre Trois
Chapitre Quatre
Chapitre Cinq
Chapitre Six
Chapitre Sept (Bonus Chapter)
Chapitre Huit
Chapitre Neuf
Chapitre Dix
Chapitre Onze
Chapitre Douze
Chapitre Treize
Chapitre Quatorze
Chapitre Quinze
Chapitre Seize
Bou didn’t move from bed, the sun was already up in the sky, the clock was ringing out loud and Miku was ready to slam his fist on his face if he didn’t even bother and try to get up.
“Come on, Bou! You have to get up!” Miku said, it was just a Sunday morning but that didn’t mean he can let Bou just sleep in. He’s been trying to get his best friend to move, they were both already late as it is. “I know it’s hard, but you have to get up! Who knows? Miyavi might have forgotten all about yesterday and is just streaming with gifts of apology for you”
The blond secretly smiled at the thought, but deep inside he knew it was just too good to be true. The ore-sama really was mad at him yesterday, and he couldn’t really blame him.
“Bou! Don’t be like this!” the brunette said, starting to get frustrated. He wasn’t used to having a depressed blond boy, it was usually Bou who gets them out the gutter not the other way around, “This is not you! The Bou I know would fight, even if he’s tired or angry or scared or sad! Come on, don’t be so difficult!”
“Please leave me alone, I don’t want to move. I just want to stay here and... I just want to die” the femme said, pulling the covers over his head hoping Miku would take a hint and just go away.
“Bou, it’s just Miyavi! Last week, you would give a fucking care if that guy existed, now look at you!” Miku wasn’t the one for giving up. If there was one thing he learned from Bou, it was to not give up easily. And besides, he believes in them, he believes that Miyavi isn’t a bad guy- unlike how Bou would elaborately describe in the most venomous of adjectives. “Bou, I know Miyavi loves you, whatever happened between you two after we left, I know you can work it out...”
Bou curled deeper into a ball, he didn’t want to hear Miyavi’s name, not anymore. “You don’t understand-”
“What don’t I understand!?” horribly pissed, Miku did what he knows was best for his roommate. He pulled at the cover and threw it away, much to the chagrin and ire of the femme who sat up and glared at him.
“Why on earth did you do that for, Miku?! I told you! I don’t want to go, I don’t want to move... I just want to-” he bellowed wanting to say more but the brunette intervened.
“Listen to yourself!” Miku pushed him roughly, “What on earth are you saying?! Just because... just because of some loser, and that loser has to be Miyavi, you decide you want to revert to this... this pitiable... thing”
“So what if I want to be pathetic, Miku?” Bou threw a weak punch at his friend, at which Miku caught easily, “You fucking don’t understand anything! You... you are... you don’t know anything! Miyavi doesn’t love me anymore! You... this has nothing to do with you!”
Miku gritted his teeth and slapped Bou across the face, “How dare you tell me this has nothing to do with me! Of course it has a fucking lot to do with me!”
The blond just looked down, his eyes watering with miserable tears. His voice going lower in a pained whisper as he didn’t want to fight anymore, he lost his boyfriend. He didn’t want to lose his best friend too. He didn’t want to say anything stupid to drive him away the same way he drove away Miyavi with the dim-witted things he said yesterday.
“You’re my best friend, Bou” Miku said, trying to catch the blond looking beyond the golden curtain of hair. He knows the water from his eyes was spilling too, but he couldn’t lose his own composure not when his best friend needs him the most. “Don’t you understand? I fucking love you, Bou. Why can’t you see that? Of course, all of the things that happen to you... Don’t you think they don’t affect me, too? That time you looked like you were dying, didn’t you know I was scared? Every time something stupid, or something weird or when you can’t home early, don’t you know I’m always fretting?
“That I’m always close to ripping out my hair in agony?” the brunette gripped the other’s shoulder, shaking some sense to him, attempting to get him out of the rut, “Can’t you see how you depressed makes me depressed too? Don’t you care about how I would feel Bou?”
Miku waited for a response from the bowed head, letting his hands fall from the other’s shoulder. He slumped down too, he didn’t care anymore. He wanted Bou to be to himself again, it was a selfish thought but seeing him like this... the other boy just didn’t know how to handle this.
He sighed, looking up at the ceiling wondering if he prayed more fervently the sky would drop a good solution. He remembered last night so vividly, when his friend just wouldn’t stop crying. How he wore him out just by listening to what happened, it didn’t make much sense as Bou just wouldn’t stop talking too fast. Though he pieced it enough, hoping the excerpts he heard were correct.
“I’m sorry, Miku” Bou finally said, his tone broken and hopeless, “I’m sorry for being so useless and for being such a bother. For being so selfish and for not thinking about you and everyone else... I am... I’m just dumb and just horrible. I bet...” he had to stop and sniffle, “... I know you’d rather... You’d rather be someone else; someone’s who’s not as dim-witted as me-”
“Don’t say that!” Miku tried lifting Bou’s face, trying to get to see the face that was covered by yellow locks. He couldn’t help but smile through his tear stained face, he knows the blond was somewhere, he just need to catch him, “You’re not any of those! And most of all, you’re not dumb, you’re Bou!”
The blond tried to hide his small grin as he pushed another small punch on his friend’s shoulder.
“That was very stupid, Miku” he had to stifle his giggle, but even then he the small beginnings of a smile started to warm its way to his supposedly sad face.
“Is that the way you thank someone who’s trying to make you happy?” the boy said, lifted his arms to dodge Bou’s small slaughter of hits. “Now come on, Bou, stop that!”
“You are so stupid! And so... so... I hate you for being so annoying, you ugly git!” Bou took the pillow he used for his head and used to hit Miku, “And I don’t like how you had to wake me up from my beauty sleep! A pretty girl like me should never be disturbed, you know!”
“You actually think you’re a girl?” the blond had his friend towered, after having to throw those smacks and blows he managed to get the other in the position they’re in.
“And you have a problem with that, you unattractive bird brain?” Bou knows he’s crossing the line a bit, but having the chance to beat his friend was a really good way of letting out the tension caused by all the drama that’s been going on in his life.
“Hey, Bou-!” a big smack to the face, “-Wait a minute!” then another strike, “-I’m starting to think-”
Miku, unfortunately for him, has this weird feeling in his chest that the blond was having just about too much fun.
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“So... are... are we okay now?” Miku asked his voice hoarse and tired from having to take so much of from Bou’s abuse. He knows all about his friend’s fondness of fighting back, so it wasn’t really surprising that just a few- well more than a few- hits with the pillow felt more like he was being hit again and again with a metal pole.
Yes it seemed impossible, but having to live with someone like Bou, he can make something as harmless as a pillow into a deadly weapon.
“Hm... Kind of” Bou chirped a bit, lying on Miku’s chest. His head going up and down in pace to Miku’s heaving chest. When it goes up, so does his head and when it goes down, he goes down too. He traced little circles on the tummy of his ever faithful friend, smiling a bit at the fun he just had.
“Hey, stop that!” Miku giggled, slapping away Bou’s hand with weary digits “That tickles!”
“I feel better now” Bou said, sitting up glancing at his best friend who now was the one who lost the need to get up after their rough exercise, “You really are the best, Miku”
“Yeah, whatever!” Miku rolled his eyes; that’s what he gets for having to care so much. What can he say? He can never be mad at Bou.
“God, is this how mothers feel? I don’t want to be one!” Miku said, rolling to his side and then sitting up himself his hands trying to comb his hair back. “Having you is already a handful!”
“Who said you can be one anyway? You’re not even a woman!” Bou stood up and walked over to his friend, so he can tip the other from behind.
“Wow, that real mature!” Miku said; rubbing the spot Bou pushed, watching his friend walk to the door. “Hey, Bou...”
“Hm...?” Bou called out, already exited out the door.
“What’s the game plan?” he didn’t really have to tell the blond what he meant by that, “Any revolutionary things you have in mind?”
He watched as Bou’s head poked back in, a small pout on his face, “I have no idea actually, do you have any suggestions?”
“Don’t ask me, I’m not big on relationships, as you can tell”
“Well, that’s because you’re too lame to have one” Bou stuck his tongue out before disappearing out into their small apartment.
Miku couldn’t help but shake his head, Bou’s new found enthusiasm making him wish he was back to his original state of heart drop depressing.
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Bou wasn’t sure if he was looking for a death wish, but regardless, he needed to go to school. Of course he had the scary voices in his head, the death threats and the torture he will have to endure after falling out of grace with the ore-sama. But he needs his education, and he wasn’t going to skip any of that just because the whole wants to see his skinned carcass.
“... People are hungry in Africa; the war in Iraq isn’t getting any better” the blond said, trying to think of worst situations, “And the presidential thing in the States is starting to get really boring”
Yes, there were even more horrible situations in the world. His wasn’t that bad, being looked down by the whole school body and being hurt and beaten? That wasn’t such a bad thing compared to being stuck in a super hot country with no clean water and no good food to eat.
With that thought in mind, he had a happy smile on his face. Whatever Miyavi had in store for him, he was ready with his super kicks and attacks.
Then his hand had to go to his wrist, and it was all it took to pull down his ego. He stopped skipping, and felt for the bracelet that wasn’t there. Just because he was back to war with Miyavi doesn’t mean he could easily forget all the things that happened between them. Even if Miyavi was a dumbass, he was really sweet when he could just pull down his mask.
No way can Bou forget everything in a snap.
Miyavi... Miyavi meant a lot to him, even if it was a rather short lived romance. Of course he wants to go back and try patching things up, but if the ore-sama doesn’t want him anymore then there’s really nothing he can do. He can’t just spend all of his time hoping and fixing everything, he has a life that he needs to be living.
He lived without Miyavi before and he survived. Yeah there was going to be the onslaught that’s going to happen to him, but he might as well get used to those things all ready.
Why did he have to lose the bracelet?, he thought bitterly. He started walking again, this time his gait a tad bit heavier than before.
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Bou was slammed against the wall painfully. He didn’t even have the chance to get inside the campus when a bunch of people ganged up on him by the gate. And no different from the first time, they started getting his things ripping out the books that Miyavi bought for him and the destroying the notes he worked hard on.
“How dare you cheat on the ore-sama!” a girl shouted, slapping Bou across the face.
“You think you can easily play with the ore-sama just like that?” the boy holding him sneered, “We’ll make you pay for hurting him! When you mess with the ore-sama, you’re messing with the whole academy!”
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“Miyavi, I don’t think Bou is that kind of person” was all Gackt said when Miyavi presented the problem to him, and like the little kid who can only one side of the coin, Miyavi refused to believe him. He stomped around and crossed his arms over his chest, kicking at things. Generally looking very much like a child.
“It doesn’t matter, he’s back to being a Red Card girl... or boy, whatever” Miyavi said, leaning by the window and watching everything and anything that passes by below him.
“How can you just dismiss him like that, Miyavi?” the blond pointed out, “After all you been through and just for a few measly pictures, you... dump him? Who knows, they might be fake...”
“Tell me how can they be fake, Gackt!” the ore-sama demanded, turning his eyes away from the buzzing metropolitan from that he was observing a few seconds before to glare at his closest friend who stood shaking his head.
“As much as this going to be a blow to your ego” was all he said, sighing. Thankfully, unlike his friend he didn’t have much of a temper so his fuse doesn’t burst that easily unlike Miyavi’s which was blowing over like crazy as of the moment “Bou was right, you’re such a kid Miyavi, haven’t you even tried to ask him what happened? Tried to listen to his side of the story?”
“What’s there to hear anyway? The Bomb shell may be cute, but who knows what he’s really hiding behind that pretty face of his?”
“So you’re taking the word of some... some random drunk who might’ve just had too much vodka, someone who might’ve be making up whatever he said on the spot you don’t know over Bou?”
“It’s not like I know Bou anyway... he doesn’t know shit about me” Miyavi shrugged.
“I don’t think that’s the issue here”
“Fuck this” Miyavi said, tired of having his best friend side on the other team when he came here for support, “If you’re going to be all good and friends with that faggot then go ahead. You’re fucking worthless, all of you”
The blond boy sighed as he watched his friend walk out of the door.
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“Oh yeah?! Don’t think I’m afraid of any of you!” Bou shouted, raising his fists in the air, he somehow managed to defend himself. He knocked out a few of the boys who tried to hold him down, the girls being weak and wimpy as they are just watched and panicked and tried to get the other guys who were still standing to fight him.
“What the hell are you standing for?” a curly haired girl cried, grabbing a tall student with her primed and done manicured nails, “Go get her!”
Bou delivered punches, and had to kick a few people in places that hurt the most. He didn’t know how long he’s going to last, but he hopes he can get enough room to break into a run and escape.
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Miyavi looked up, and he saw the lights turn red and he had to stop his car while cars ran in front of him to another part of the city.
The bad thing about all of this was that despite attempts to just throw away everything he couldn’t help but feel he should be where Bou is right now. It’s that gut feeling he developed ever since the blond entered his life. The first time it happened, he realized Bou was being beaten the crap out of him at school.
He leaned on the steering wheel, watching the vehicles run and run in a straight line as his part of traffic waited for them until the lights change on his lane to green.
Of course it hurts and the fast pace of his heart didn’t make it any better.
Of course he wants to go and see, just to make sure. Maybe Bou was in trouble, who knows? He might be in another gang fight with the school.
The ore-sama shook his head, that’s impossible. He hasn’t even told the school that he and Bou were over. So no one should treat him like dirt, not yet anyway. The blond could still enjoy all the perks of being a beloved member of the elite.
Bou was okay. No one’s supposed to hurt him .
... Right?
The lights above him turned yellow, and he frowned.
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Even when he gave it his all, Bou found himself being thrown around like the day he found the red card on his locker. People grabbing at his hair, slapping at his face, trying to rip him into little pieces- he was tired and exhausted. Yes he was ready to fall down to the ground, but he wasn’t going to give those idiots the satisfaction of seeing him down on the floor.
“Not so tough are you now?” someone called, “And here we thought you were going to take us down, guess we thought wrong!”
Bou threw a weak punch at the speaker, but his fist was just grabbed easily. And everyone who watched just laughed at him, snickering at his attempts to fight back.
“No wonder you used to be the ore-sama’s girl” the speaker pushed him back to the centre of the circle, “But you’re not really the ore-sama’s girl anymore, so it doesn’t really matter anymore”
“I was never Miyavi’s girl!” Bou screamed, “Don’t you dare associate me with that scum!”
“Hey, who gave you the right to call the ore-sama by his first name!” someone shouted, “You don’t have that right anymore, after doing what you did to the guy! You should be fucking on your knees right now, when the ore-sama did all those wonderful things to you... You did the despicable thing of cheating on him!”
The blond let out an insane laugh that ran chills up and down everyone’s back, the boy who was trying to pull down the blond took a step back scared that Bou might even try something crazy.
“Ore-sama this! Ore-sama that!” Bou shouted, “It’s always about Miyavi! Don’t you guys have lives that you should be living? What’s with this obsession with that dumbass? He’s just... My god, you don’t know who you’re all praising for! He’s just a fucking kid who can’t stand on his own feet. A kid who is just too dense and too stupid, whose head is too thick and full of air...”
He wasn’t going to cry and he didn’t because he was too strong for something as pity inducing as tears. He wasn’t going to let that stupid boy’s lackeys get to him, no matter how many they are. He was going to fight them even if it kills him, even if he gets bruised and he wasn’t going to go easy on them.
“How dare you insult the ore-sama that way!” someone stepped in and hit Bou, “You don’t know what you’re blabbering about! Unless you want us to do something worse, you better keep that mouth of yours shut!”
“You better take back what you said!”
“Like fuck I’m taking back what I said!” Bou shouted, “Because you all can’t accept the fact that you’re all wasting your time and that between you and me... You guys are the pathetic ones here!”
“That’s it, I’ve heard enough! I don’t care if the ore-sama didn’t tell us to hurt her, but that asshole’s gone too far”
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“You knew” Mana said, leaning on the back of the wide white coach and stared at the wide screen before him, in turn it showed him characters from SoulCalibur III, a popular arcade game. On the left was a human sized lizard, carrying a sword and a blue and white shield. Fighting against the weird creature was a young brunette boy who was wielding a long red rod; this was the character Gackt was controlling. “And you didn’t tell him”
“Of course I know” Gackt didn’t flinch when his character was slammed to the ground, because he knew a good many combos to get his opponents a fat zero. Too bad he’s going to miss the perfect shot, “But right now, I’m not sure to which side I should stay faithful on”
“I thought you were Miyavi’s friend?” the cross dresser went over the coach and sat beside the blond. He bent down and picked up the other handheld control of the game. “May I?”
“Go ahead” the older brother said, his eyes still glued on the screen even when his match with the Lizardman was disrupted by huge words that said ‘New Opponent’ and the voice on the game declared Mana’s arrival, “But its hard being in the middle of everything”
“How about the other guy? I don’t think you’re going to leave them like that” Mana choose a character, the cute Chinese girls with the wonderful outfits and the long sword “Since in a way, it’s partly your fault they’re the way they are right now”
“Honestly, I have no idea what to do” the blond said, still using the same character, “And it’s not all my fault that they stopped seeing each other”
“That’s why I said partly” and without hesitation, the femme rammed his sword against his brother’s character, earning him points for being the first attacker, “You just can’t keep everything to yourself, Gackt, people are getting hurt on the way. You need to tell him about...”
“How is that even possible?” Gackt couldn’t help the small secret smirk that rose in his face, he watched his character slammed his rod against Mana’s, hitting her again and again, “We’re going to be leaving soon and I don’t think I have much the right to call that man for a little chat... on such a sensitive topic"
Gackt let Mana's sowrd pierce him again and again as his half brother pulled out a combo.
"And besides, you know how he hates me”
“I don’t think he hates you” the femme pouted but smiled widely as he evaded Gackt’s multiple combo, taking a little revenge by pulling a combo of his own where his character just nabs him over with his sword “He isn’t that kind of person, he’s very sweet if I say so myself, having met him before”
“You and your ideals” Gackt said, not realizing how in the last few minutes of struggling against each other, their characters have somehow managed to get dangerously low lifelines. If he could just get send another whack at Mana’s character, he knows he’d have the game in the bag.
“Oh yeah?” Mana ran up to Gackt, dodged the big stick that was supposed to kill him, got behind him and attacked, “Apparently me and my ideals just got you pawned”
Gackt didn’t really react very much, but Mana knew he didn’t like losing and because there should be some sort of .
“Now, will you tell him?”
“I’ll think about it”
“Gackt” Mana said, crossing his arms over his chest, “If you just tell them-”
“Mana, it’s... It’s not as easy as it seems” Gackt leaning on the couch, closing his eyes.
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Why does it have to rain? Why is it whenever someone’s sad, the rain would start pouring like crazy?
Like right now?
Does God cry for me too?
Why is it raining hard right now?
They both lifted their hands in the air.
His hand was battered, with bits of pieces of nature clinging to his fingers as he tried to reach for some sort of humanity. He was on the floor, his blond hair spreading out like on the ground. His fingertips felt the small pelts of rain, the water sliding down his arm.
His hand was clean, with nails that have been primed and taken care. He tried to reach for some sort of humanity, hoping that he could just go on with his life. He was inside a building, on the sixty-ninth floor. His fingertips felt the cold glass, and in turn it seeped beneath his skin.
His arm, tired and heavy, fell back to the ground with him.
His arm, shaking from the cold, went back to his pocket.
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Tetsu looked up as he felt the small patter of the beginnings of a downpour hit his face. He slowly pulled away from the cell phone, the talking voice trying to get his attention. He looked up, the slowly greying skies, ignoring the people who suddenly took a start and ran.
He just got out of a building, finished taking care of another business partner. His mother from New York had sent him back to Japan to overlook most of the business the woman left behind.
The man closed his eyes, his face darting up to the raining skies. Everyone around him disappearing for a minute or two and like before, he was alone.
I came back because my mother asked me too.
He came back to see him.
But tetsu was always in denial and that’s why he broke away the memories and destroyed every piece that would remind of everything. All the pieces and all the pictures that were in his head, they should’ve disappeared by now.
And yet, the bracelet on his wrist would never come off.
“Ogawa-sama!” tetsu’s attention was brought back to earth as he heard his chauffeur going to him with a black umbrella the family car.
Tetsu didn’t say a word, but stared as he was softly grabbed by the arm and brought to the vehicle. The chauffer shook his head and told him not to stay out in the rain, being the heir that he is, he should be careful. What would his mother say? That woman has so many things to worry about, don’t add this to her plate. And what about that boyfriend of yours? He alone was a handful, and here you are-
The rich man just nodded, reverting back to that teenage boy who once could only saw the two sides of coin. He silently nodded, agreeing without saying anything back because once again, it was that same rainy night.
Years ago, when the scent of blood smelled so strong he could see it with his eyes closed.
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Miku picked up his ringing phone, for a moment he listened. His face changing into a more worried expression as he cupped a hand over his mouth- there were words he needed to say. But when he tried to say them out loud, he couldn’t find it in himself; he didn’t know what to say.
He felt his knees weaken, from the shock from the weight of it all.
He wanted to say, but he didn’t know what to say.
It didn’t matter anyway, even in his shorts and the oversized t-shirt that he only wears when he’s at home. Even that ridiculous looking attire, shoving his feet inside a pair of sneakers, he grabbed at his jacket and for the beanie hat that was hanging by the door.
He did all of this with the phone still glued to his ear, and every time his mouth would open the only words that would come out,
“Don’t worry, Bou-chan”
“I’ll go there please don’t move”
“Okay? I’m hurrying, please don’t worry...”
“I’m going to pick you up okay? Just don’t stop talking”
“Keep running your mouth, I’ll be there”
“I’m hurrying”
Repeating himself over and over, saying things so he won’t think he’s alone, keeping his friend from falling too hard. He wanted to let the other know that he wasn’t going to abandon him, and even if he had to balance the phone carefully as he put on his jacket, as he walked- more like ran- down the stairs and tried so hard to look for a taxi that would take him, the phone was glued to his ear.
“Please don’t cry, I don’t like it when you cry”
And forgetting that he himself was starting to break, as he waved a frantic arm in the air.
“I love you, Bou”
It came out battered and broken.
“Please, everything will be all right okay?”
Please God Help me
A/N: This chapters a bit weird, so I hope you guys don’t mind! This was supposed to be posted right after the last chapter, but I deleted one whole chunk of the original because if I let a certain event happen here, then... I just don’t like how this story will come out.
You can write a story in many ways, but every time you follow a path, you have to with it through and through. If I kept what I first wrote here, then it will tie down this story, true it will speed up the storyline. But the way I see it, the speed will be too much and instead of the brilliant flash of light... we’ll end with a car crash of horrendous results. And this is my child, my baby, my little... Bou-chan, if you must.
For me to kill it, is for me to kill myself.
I should stop here before I bombard you guys with too much sentiments.
Oh by the way, since I think that the pace of this story is too fast, do you guys thinks its too slow? Please tell me your opinions, they mean a lot to me.
Author: EarnestInBerlin
Theme: 017. Depression
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: MiyavixBou (main)
Band[s]: Solo Miyavi, Antic Cafe
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Comments: Sorry for the slow update! Explanation inside.
Summary: Bou is your not so average cross dressing student who has been going to Holy Garden University for the last two (and a half!) years. All he wants (and needs) is a quiet life and to finally graduate from the horrid school he’s been forced to attend.
Not going to happen to this cross dresser.
Previously:
Chapitre Un
Chapitre Deux
Chapitre Trois
Chapitre Quatre
Chapitre Cinq
Chapitre Six
Chapitre Sept (Bonus Chapter)
Chapitre Huit
Chapitre Neuf
Chapitre Dix
Chapitre Onze
Chapitre Douze
Chapitre Treize
Chapitre Quatorze
Chapitre Quinze
Chapitre Seize
Bou didn’t move from bed, the sun was already up in the sky, the clock was ringing out loud and Miku was ready to slam his fist on his face if he didn’t even bother and try to get up.
“Come on, Bou! You have to get up!” Miku said, it was just a Sunday morning but that didn’t mean he can let Bou just sleep in. He’s been trying to get his best friend to move, they were both already late as it is. “I know it’s hard, but you have to get up! Who knows? Miyavi might have forgotten all about yesterday and is just streaming with gifts of apology for you”
The blond secretly smiled at the thought, but deep inside he knew it was just too good to be true. The ore-sama really was mad at him yesterday, and he couldn’t really blame him.
“Bou! Don’t be like this!” the brunette said, starting to get frustrated. He wasn’t used to having a depressed blond boy, it was usually Bou who gets them out the gutter not the other way around, “This is not you! The Bou I know would fight, even if he’s tired or angry or scared or sad! Come on, don’t be so difficult!”
“Please leave me alone, I don’t want to move. I just want to stay here and... I just want to die” the femme said, pulling the covers over his head hoping Miku would take a hint and just go away.
“Bou, it’s just Miyavi! Last week, you would give a fucking care if that guy existed, now look at you!” Miku wasn’t the one for giving up. If there was one thing he learned from Bou, it was to not give up easily. And besides, he believes in them, he believes that Miyavi isn’t a bad guy- unlike how Bou would elaborately describe in the most venomous of adjectives. “Bou, I know Miyavi loves you, whatever happened between you two after we left, I know you can work it out...”
Bou curled deeper into a ball, he didn’t want to hear Miyavi’s name, not anymore. “You don’t understand-”
“What don’t I understand!?” horribly pissed, Miku did what he knows was best for his roommate. He pulled at the cover and threw it away, much to the chagrin and ire of the femme who sat up and glared at him.
“Why on earth did you do that for, Miku?! I told you! I don’t want to go, I don’t want to move... I just want to-” he bellowed wanting to say more but the brunette intervened.
“Listen to yourself!” Miku pushed him roughly, “What on earth are you saying?! Just because... just because of some loser, and that loser has to be Miyavi, you decide you want to revert to this... this pitiable... thing”
“So what if I want to be pathetic, Miku?” Bou threw a weak punch at his friend, at which Miku caught easily, “You fucking don’t understand anything! You... you are... you don’t know anything! Miyavi doesn’t love me anymore! You... this has nothing to do with you!”
Miku gritted his teeth and slapped Bou across the face, “How dare you tell me this has nothing to do with me! Of course it has a fucking lot to do with me!”
The blond just looked down, his eyes watering with miserable tears. His voice going lower in a pained whisper as he didn’t want to fight anymore, he lost his boyfriend. He didn’t want to lose his best friend too. He didn’t want to say anything stupid to drive him away the same way he drove away Miyavi with the dim-witted things he said yesterday.
“You’re my best friend, Bou” Miku said, trying to catch the blond looking beyond the golden curtain of hair. He knows the water from his eyes was spilling too, but he couldn’t lose his own composure not when his best friend needs him the most. “Don’t you understand? I fucking love you, Bou. Why can’t you see that? Of course, all of the things that happen to you... Don’t you think they don’t affect me, too? That time you looked like you were dying, didn’t you know I was scared? Every time something stupid, or something weird or when you can’t home early, don’t you know I’m always fretting?
“That I’m always close to ripping out my hair in agony?” the brunette gripped the other’s shoulder, shaking some sense to him, attempting to get him out of the rut, “Can’t you see how you depressed makes me depressed too? Don’t you care about how I would feel Bou?”
Miku waited for a response from the bowed head, letting his hands fall from the other’s shoulder. He slumped down too, he didn’t care anymore. He wanted Bou to be to himself again, it was a selfish thought but seeing him like this... the other boy just didn’t know how to handle this.
He sighed, looking up at the ceiling wondering if he prayed more fervently the sky would drop a good solution. He remembered last night so vividly, when his friend just wouldn’t stop crying. How he wore him out just by listening to what happened, it didn’t make much sense as Bou just wouldn’t stop talking too fast. Though he pieced it enough, hoping the excerpts he heard were correct.
“I’m sorry, Miku” Bou finally said, his tone broken and hopeless, “I’m sorry for being so useless and for being such a bother. For being so selfish and for not thinking about you and everyone else... I am... I’m just dumb and just horrible. I bet...” he had to stop and sniffle, “... I know you’d rather... You’d rather be someone else; someone’s who’s not as dim-witted as me-”
“Don’t say that!” Miku tried lifting Bou’s face, trying to get to see the face that was covered by yellow locks. He couldn’t help but smile through his tear stained face, he knows the blond was somewhere, he just need to catch him, “You’re not any of those! And most of all, you’re not dumb, you’re Bou!”
The blond tried to hide his small grin as he pushed another small punch on his friend’s shoulder.
“That was very stupid, Miku” he had to stifle his giggle, but even then he the small beginnings of a smile started to warm its way to his supposedly sad face.
“Is that the way you thank someone who’s trying to make you happy?” the boy said, lifted his arms to dodge Bou’s small slaughter of hits. “Now come on, Bou, stop that!”
“You are so stupid! And so... so... I hate you for being so annoying, you ugly git!” Bou took the pillow he used for his head and used to hit Miku, “And I don’t like how you had to wake me up from my beauty sleep! A pretty girl like me should never be disturbed, you know!”
“You actually think you’re a girl?” the blond had his friend towered, after having to throw those smacks and blows he managed to get the other in the position they’re in.
“And you have a problem with that, you unattractive bird brain?” Bou knows he’s crossing the line a bit, but having the chance to beat his friend was a really good way of letting out the tension caused by all the drama that’s been going on in his life.
“Hey, Bou-!” a big smack to the face, “-Wait a minute!” then another strike, “-I’m starting to think-”
Miku, unfortunately for him, has this weird feeling in his chest that the blond was having just about too much fun.
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“So... are... are we okay now?” Miku asked his voice hoarse and tired from having to take so much of from Bou’s abuse. He knows all about his friend’s fondness of fighting back, so it wasn’t really surprising that just a few- well more than a few- hits with the pillow felt more like he was being hit again and again with a metal pole.
Yes it seemed impossible, but having to live with someone like Bou, he can make something as harmless as a pillow into a deadly weapon.
“Hm... Kind of” Bou chirped a bit, lying on Miku’s chest. His head going up and down in pace to Miku’s heaving chest. When it goes up, so does his head and when it goes down, he goes down too. He traced little circles on the tummy of his ever faithful friend, smiling a bit at the fun he just had.
“Hey, stop that!” Miku giggled, slapping away Bou’s hand with weary digits “That tickles!”
“I feel better now” Bou said, sitting up glancing at his best friend who now was the one who lost the need to get up after their rough exercise, “You really are the best, Miku”
“Yeah, whatever!” Miku rolled his eyes; that’s what he gets for having to care so much. What can he say? He can never be mad at Bou.
“God, is this how mothers feel? I don’t want to be one!” Miku said, rolling to his side and then sitting up himself his hands trying to comb his hair back. “Having you is already a handful!”
“Who said you can be one anyway? You’re not even a woman!” Bou stood up and walked over to his friend, so he can tip the other from behind.
“Wow, that real mature!” Miku said; rubbing the spot Bou pushed, watching his friend walk to the door. “Hey, Bou...”
“Hm...?” Bou called out, already exited out the door.
“What’s the game plan?” he didn’t really have to tell the blond what he meant by that, “Any revolutionary things you have in mind?”
He watched as Bou’s head poked back in, a small pout on his face, “I have no idea actually, do you have any suggestions?”
“Don’t ask me, I’m not big on relationships, as you can tell”
“Well, that’s because you’re too lame to have one” Bou stuck his tongue out before disappearing out into their small apartment.
Miku couldn’t help but shake his head, Bou’s new found enthusiasm making him wish he was back to his original state of heart drop depressing.
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Bou wasn’t sure if he was looking for a death wish, but regardless, he needed to go to school. Of course he had the scary voices in his head, the death threats and the torture he will have to endure after falling out of grace with the ore-sama. But he needs his education, and he wasn’t going to skip any of that just because the whole wants to see his skinned carcass.
“... People are hungry in Africa; the war in Iraq isn’t getting any better” the blond said, trying to think of worst situations, “And the presidential thing in the States is starting to get really boring”
Yes, there were even more horrible situations in the world. His wasn’t that bad, being looked down by the whole school body and being hurt and beaten? That wasn’t such a bad thing compared to being stuck in a super hot country with no clean water and no good food to eat.
With that thought in mind, he had a happy smile on his face. Whatever Miyavi had in store for him, he was ready with his super kicks and attacks.
Then his hand had to go to his wrist, and it was all it took to pull down his ego. He stopped skipping, and felt for the bracelet that wasn’t there. Just because he was back to war with Miyavi doesn’t mean he could easily forget all the things that happened between them. Even if Miyavi was a dumbass, he was really sweet when he could just pull down his mask.
No way can Bou forget everything in a snap.
Miyavi... Miyavi meant a lot to him, even if it was a rather short lived romance. Of course he wants to go back and try patching things up, but if the ore-sama doesn’t want him anymore then there’s really nothing he can do. He can’t just spend all of his time hoping and fixing everything, he has a life that he needs to be living.
He lived without Miyavi before and he survived. Yeah there was going to be the onslaught that’s going to happen to him, but he might as well get used to those things all ready.
Why did he have to lose the bracelet?, he thought bitterly. He started walking again, this time his gait a tad bit heavier than before.
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Bou was slammed against the wall painfully. He didn’t even have the chance to get inside the campus when a bunch of people ganged up on him by the gate. And no different from the first time, they started getting his things ripping out the books that Miyavi bought for him and the destroying the notes he worked hard on.
“How dare you cheat on the ore-sama!” a girl shouted, slapping Bou across the face.
“You think you can easily play with the ore-sama just like that?” the boy holding him sneered, “We’ll make you pay for hurting him! When you mess with the ore-sama, you’re messing with the whole academy!”
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“Miyavi, I don’t think Bou is that kind of person” was all Gackt said when Miyavi presented the problem to him, and like the little kid who can only one side of the coin, Miyavi refused to believe him. He stomped around and crossed his arms over his chest, kicking at things. Generally looking very much like a child.
“It doesn’t matter, he’s back to being a Red Card girl... or boy, whatever” Miyavi said, leaning by the window and watching everything and anything that passes by below him.
“How can you just dismiss him like that, Miyavi?” the blond pointed out, “After all you been through and just for a few measly pictures, you... dump him? Who knows, they might be fake...”
“Tell me how can they be fake, Gackt!” the ore-sama demanded, turning his eyes away from the buzzing metropolitan from that he was observing a few seconds before to glare at his closest friend who stood shaking his head.
“As much as this going to be a blow to your ego” was all he said, sighing. Thankfully, unlike his friend he didn’t have much of a temper so his fuse doesn’t burst that easily unlike Miyavi’s which was blowing over like crazy as of the moment “Bou was right, you’re such a kid Miyavi, haven’t you even tried to ask him what happened? Tried to listen to his side of the story?”
“What’s there to hear anyway? The Bomb shell may be cute, but who knows what he’s really hiding behind that pretty face of his?”
“So you’re taking the word of some... some random drunk who might’ve just had too much vodka, someone who might’ve be making up whatever he said on the spot you don’t know over Bou?”
“It’s not like I know Bou anyway... he doesn’t know shit about me” Miyavi shrugged.
“I don’t think that’s the issue here”
“Fuck this” Miyavi said, tired of having his best friend side on the other team when he came here for support, “If you’re going to be all good and friends with that faggot then go ahead. You’re fucking worthless, all of you”
The blond boy sighed as he watched his friend walk out of the door.
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“Oh yeah?! Don’t think I’m afraid of any of you!” Bou shouted, raising his fists in the air, he somehow managed to defend himself. He knocked out a few of the boys who tried to hold him down, the girls being weak and wimpy as they are just watched and panicked and tried to get the other guys who were still standing to fight him.
“What the hell are you standing for?” a curly haired girl cried, grabbing a tall student with her primed and done manicured nails, “Go get her!”
Bou delivered punches, and had to kick a few people in places that hurt the most. He didn’t know how long he’s going to last, but he hopes he can get enough room to break into a run and escape.
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Miyavi looked up, and he saw the lights turn red and he had to stop his car while cars ran in front of him to another part of the city.
The bad thing about all of this was that despite attempts to just throw away everything he couldn’t help but feel he should be where Bou is right now. It’s that gut feeling he developed ever since the blond entered his life. The first time it happened, he realized Bou was being beaten the crap out of him at school.
He leaned on the steering wheel, watching the vehicles run and run in a straight line as his part of traffic waited for them until the lights change on his lane to green.
Of course it hurts and the fast pace of his heart didn’t make it any better.
Of course he wants to go and see, just to make sure. Maybe Bou was in trouble, who knows? He might be in another gang fight with the school.
The ore-sama shook his head, that’s impossible. He hasn’t even told the school that he and Bou were over. So no one should treat him like dirt, not yet anyway. The blond could still enjoy all the perks of being a beloved member of the elite.
Bou was okay. No one’s supposed to hurt him .
... Right?
The lights above him turned yellow, and he frowned.
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Even when he gave it his all, Bou found himself being thrown around like the day he found the red card on his locker. People grabbing at his hair, slapping at his face, trying to rip him into little pieces- he was tired and exhausted. Yes he was ready to fall down to the ground, but he wasn’t going to give those idiots the satisfaction of seeing him down on the floor.
“Not so tough are you now?” someone called, “And here we thought you were going to take us down, guess we thought wrong!”
Bou threw a weak punch at the speaker, but his fist was just grabbed easily. And everyone who watched just laughed at him, snickering at his attempts to fight back.
“No wonder you used to be the ore-sama’s girl” the speaker pushed him back to the centre of the circle, “But you’re not really the ore-sama’s girl anymore, so it doesn’t really matter anymore”
“I was never Miyavi’s girl!” Bou screamed, “Don’t you dare associate me with that scum!”
“Hey, who gave you the right to call the ore-sama by his first name!” someone shouted, “You don’t have that right anymore, after doing what you did to the guy! You should be fucking on your knees right now, when the ore-sama did all those wonderful things to you... You did the despicable thing of cheating on him!”
The blond let out an insane laugh that ran chills up and down everyone’s back, the boy who was trying to pull down the blond took a step back scared that Bou might even try something crazy.
“Ore-sama this! Ore-sama that!” Bou shouted, “It’s always about Miyavi! Don’t you guys have lives that you should be living? What’s with this obsession with that dumbass? He’s just... My god, you don’t know who you’re all praising for! He’s just a fucking kid who can’t stand on his own feet. A kid who is just too dense and too stupid, whose head is too thick and full of air...”
He wasn’t going to cry and he didn’t because he was too strong for something as pity inducing as tears. He wasn’t going to let that stupid boy’s lackeys get to him, no matter how many they are. He was going to fight them even if it kills him, even if he gets bruised and he wasn’t going to go easy on them.
“How dare you insult the ore-sama that way!” someone stepped in and hit Bou, “You don’t know what you’re blabbering about! Unless you want us to do something worse, you better keep that mouth of yours shut!”
“You better take back what you said!”
“Like fuck I’m taking back what I said!” Bou shouted, “Because you all can’t accept the fact that you’re all wasting your time and that between you and me... You guys are the pathetic ones here!”
“That’s it, I’ve heard enough! I don’t care if the ore-sama didn’t tell us to hurt her, but that asshole’s gone too far”
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“You knew” Mana said, leaning on the back of the wide white coach and stared at the wide screen before him, in turn it showed him characters from SoulCalibur III, a popular arcade game. On the left was a human sized lizard, carrying a sword and a blue and white shield. Fighting against the weird creature was a young brunette boy who was wielding a long red rod; this was the character Gackt was controlling. “And you didn’t tell him”
“Of course I know” Gackt didn’t flinch when his character was slammed to the ground, because he knew a good many combos to get his opponents a fat zero. Too bad he’s going to miss the perfect shot, “But right now, I’m not sure to which side I should stay faithful on”
“I thought you were Miyavi’s friend?” the cross dresser went over the coach and sat beside the blond. He bent down and picked up the other handheld control of the game. “May I?”
“Go ahead” the older brother said, his eyes still glued on the screen even when his match with the Lizardman was disrupted by huge words that said ‘New Opponent’ and the voice on the game declared Mana’s arrival, “But its hard being in the middle of everything”
“How about the other guy? I don’t think you’re going to leave them like that” Mana choose a character, the cute Chinese girls with the wonderful outfits and the long sword “Since in a way, it’s partly your fault they’re the way they are right now”
“Honestly, I have no idea what to do” the blond said, still using the same character, “And it’s not all my fault that they stopped seeing each other”
“That’s why I said partly” and without hesitation, the femme rammed his sword against his brother’s character, earning him points for being the first attacker, “You just can’t keep everything to yourself, Gackt, people are getting hurt on the way. You need to tell him about...”
“How is that even possible?” Gackt couldn’t help the small secret smirk that rose in his face, he watched his character slammed his rod against Mana’s, hitting her again and again, “We’re going to be leaving soon and I don’t think I have much the right to call that man for a little chat... on such a sensitive topic"
Gackt let Mana's sowrd pierce him again and again as his half brother pulled out a combo.
"And besides, you know how he hates me”
“I don’t think he hates you” the femme pouted but smiled widely as he evaded Gackt’s multiple combo, taking a little revenge by pulling a combo of his own where his character just nabs him over with his sword “He isn’t that kind of person, he’s very sweet if I say so myself, having met him before”
“You and your ideals” Gackt said, not realizing how in the last few minutes of struggling against each other, their characters have somehow managed to get dangerously low lifelines. If he could just get send another whack at Mana’s character, he knows he’d have the game in the bag.
“Oh yeah?” Mana ran up to Gackt, dodged the big stick that was supposed to kill him, got behind him and attacked, “Apparently me and my ideals just got you pawned”
Gackt didn’t really react very much, but Mana knew he didn’t like losing and because there should be some sort of .
“Now, will you tell him?”
“I’ll think about it”
“Gackt” Mana said, crossing his arms over his chest, “If you just tell them-”
“Mana, it’s... It’s not as easy as it seems” Gackt leaning on the couch, closing his eyes.
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Why does it have to rain? Why is it whenever someone’s sad, the rain would start pouring like crazy?
Like right now?
Does God cry for me too?
Why is it raining hard right now?
They both lifted their hands in the air.
His hand was battered, with bits of pieces of nature clinging to his fingers as he tried to reach for some sort of humanity. He was on the floor, his blond hair spreading out like on the ground. His fingertips felt the small pelts of rain, the water sliding down his arm.
His hand was clean, with nails that have been primed and taken care. He tried to reach for some sort of humanity, hoping that he could just go on with his life. He was inside a building, on the sixty-ninth floor. His fingertips felt the cold glass, and in turn it seeped beneath his skin.
His arm, tired and heavy, fell back to the ground with him.
His arm, shaking from the cold, went back to his pocket.
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Tetsu looked up as he felt the small patter of the beginnings of a downpour hit his face. He slowly pulled away from the cell phone, the talking voice trying to get his attention. He looked up, the slowly greying skies, ignoring the people who suddenly took a start and ran.
He just got out of a building, finished taking care of another business partner. His mother from New York had sent him back to Japan to overlook most of the business the woman left behind.
The man closed his eyes, his face darting up to the raining skies. Everyone around him disappearing for a minute or two and like before, he was alone.
I came back because my mother asked me too.
He came back to see him.
But tetsu was always in denial and that’s why he broke away the memories and destroyed every piece that would remind of everything. All the pieces and all the pictures that were in his head, they should’ve disappeared by now.
And yet, the bracelet on his wrist would never come off.
“Ogawa-sama!” tetsu’s attention was brought back to earth as he heard his chauffeur going to him with a black umbrella the family car.
Tetsu didn’t say a word, but stared as he was softly grabbed by the arm and brought to the vehicle. The chauffer shook his head and told him not to stay out in the rain, being the heir that he is, he should be careful. What would his mother say? That woman has so many things to worry about, don’t add this to her plate. And what about that boyfriend of yours? He alone was a handful, and here you are-
The rich man just nodded, reverting back to that teenage boy who once could only saw the two sides of coin. He silently nodded, agreeing without saying anything back because once again, it was that same rainy night.
Years ago, when the scent of blood smelled so strong he could see it with his eyes closed.
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Miku picked up his ringing phone, for a moment he listened. His face changing into a more worried expression as he cupped a hand over his mouth- there were words he needed to say. But when he tried to say them out loud, he couldn’t find it in himself; he didn’t know what to say.
He felt his knees weaken, from the shock from the weight of it all.
He wanted to say, but he didn’t know what to say.
It didn’t matter anyway, even in his shorts and the oversized t-shirt that he only wears when he’s at home. Even that ridiculous looking attire, shoving his feet inside a pair of sneakers, he grabbed at his jacket and for the beanie hat that was hanging by the door.
He did all of this with the phone still glued to his ear, and every time his mouth would open the only words that would come out,
“Don’t worry, Bou-chan”
“I’ll go there please don’t move”
“Okay? I’m hurrying, please don’t worry...”
“I’m going to pick you up okay? Just don’t stop talking”
“Keep running your mouth, I’ll be there”
“I’m hurrying”
Repeating himself over and over, saying things so he won’t think he’s alone, keeping his friend from falling too hard. He wanted to let the other know that he wasn’t going to abandon him, and even if he had to balance the phone carefully as he put on his jacket, as he walked- more like ran- down the stairs and tried so hard to look for a taxi that would take him, the phone was glued to his ear.
“Please don’t cry, I don’t like it when you cry”
And forgetting that he himself was starting to break, as he waved a frantic arm in the air.
“I love you, Bou”
It came out battered and broken.
“Please, everything will be all right okay?”
Please God Help me
A/N: This chapters a bit weird, so I hope you guys don’t mind! This was supposed to be posted right after the last chapter, but I deleted one whole chunk of the original because if I let a certain event happen here, then... I just don’t like how this story will come out.
You can write a story in many ways, but every time you follow a path, you have to with it through and through. If I kept what I first wrote here, then it will tie down this story, true it will speed up the storyline. But the way I see it, the speed will be too much and instead of the brilliant flash of light... we’ll end with a car crash of horrendous results. And this is my child, my baby, my little... Bou-chan, if you must.
For me to kill it, is for me to kill myself.
I should stop here before I bombard you guys with too much sentiments.
Oh by the way, since I think that the pace of this story is too fast, do you guys thinks its too slow? Please tell me your opinions, they mean a lot to me.