(no subject)
i feel lost; completely removed from the world. alone. if i just dropped off the planet i feel like no one would even notice. and i had such a good morning too, woke up next to my baby and he got me a cookie for breakfast. i freaked out and had a breakdown in my class this morning, and now i really feel kind of dead, empty, like i just want to close my eyes and not exist. i wish i could just crawl in bed with luke and cry till there is nothing left. what's wrong with me? sometimes i just feel like he is detached from me, that there is some part of him that i will never know, never see, never have, that there is something he will never share with me and i don't like it at all. i know it's good to keep yourself seporate, but i hate it. this isn't even about him, this is about stress and hormones and the fact that most of my friends in san mateo are really just not good friends. no effort is made on my behalf, i have to do all the work in the relationship, and i'm just about through with it. i want to curl up and go away. i think i will try.