Hello from the Otter Slide
Hey people! I know it's been a long time since I've posted here, but I was going through my flist and people were doing roundups of their year. I know that I've pulled away a bit, so I wanted to catch people up and see if I can jumpstart this thing.
Not going to lie, on some level life is pretty good. I've got one more semester of law school left and as long as I don't get blown up by an anti-abortion protestor (I volunteer at PP) or shot by an angry batterer (I also do DV pro bono work), I should be good. I've got a job for next year, that I have accepted, and am planning to go to visit my family in Greece this summer after I take the bar.
Right now I'm leading/managing an academic publication in all my free time, which is both great and terrifying and a lot of work. I am also learning how to play ice hockey, because in true fandom fashion, I refuse to be passive and instead actively participate. Not that stick handling drills are the same as writing fanfic, but you get the idea.
On other level, however, I am not feeling so great. As cousin after cousin of mine get engaged/married/pregnant/whatever, I find myself getting more and more bitter about being alone. Some people are good at being alone, and some people want to be more alone than others. I am the former. Alone doesn't scare me. But I don't want it.
This was really brought home to be last year when I was in a minor car accident that left me totally fine, but put my car in an undriveable state. I felt frozen. I had no idea what to do, I didn't know any garages in the area, I was getting stymied by the other drivers' insurance company, and I couldn't even work up the courage to bother my friends for a ride to school so I would just walk for an hour to school and uber to the rink. I ended up crying on the phone to my parents about how little true support I had around me. Some of it was me being a baby about making tough phone calls, but I think another part of it was realizing that it's entirely likely that there will never be a counterpart to help me in my life.
I think this is my fault. I am very focused on me, and I close people off easily. I like helping people, but I hate being helped. And I really hate looking incompetent in front of them.
So my resolutions for 2016 are the following:
- Pass the bar
- Publish 3 more issues of my journal
- Play in an actual, albeit shitty, hockey league
- Let myself be seen as who I am, not who I think people want me to be
Also, Star Wars was excellent and I enjoyed it 100%. No regrets. Especially when my brother wandered into my room to comment "I might be crazy, but I really think there is *something* between Finn and Poe. I mean, they just have this spark." I'm so proud of him.
Not going to lie, on some level life is pretty good. I've got one more semester of law school left and as long as I don't get blown up by an anti-abortion protestor (I volunteer at PP) or shot by an angry batterer (I also do DV pro bono work), I should be good. I've got a job for next year, that I have accepted, and am planning to go to visit my family in Greece this summer after I take the bar.
Right now I'm leading/managing an academic publication in all my free time, which is both great and terrifying and a lot of work. I am also learning how to play ice hockey, because in true fandom fashion, I refuse to be passive and instead actively participate. Not that stick handling drills are the same as writing fanfic, but you get the idea.
On other level, however, I am not feeling so great. As cousin after cousin of mine get engaged/married/pregnant/whatever, I find myself getting more and more bitter about being alone. Some people are good at being alone, and some people want to be more alone than others. I am the former. Alone doesn't scare me. But I don't want it.
This was really brought home to be last year when I was in a minor car accident that left me totally fine, but put my car in an undriveable state. I felt frozen. I had no idea what to do, I didn't know any garages in the area, I was getting stymied by the other drivers' insurance company, and I couldn't even work up the courage to bother my friends for a ride to school so I would just walk for an hour to school and uber to the rink. I ended up crying on the phone to my parents about how little true support I had around me. Some of it was me being a baby about making tough phone calls, but I think another part of it was realizing that it's entirely likely that there will never be a counterpart to help me in my life.
I think this is my fault. I am very focused on me, and I close people off easily. I like helping people, but I hate being helped. And I really hate looking incompetent in front of them.
So my resolutions for 2016 are the following:
- Pass the bar
- Publish 3 more issues of my journal
- Play in an actual, albeit shitty, hockey league
- Let myself be seen as who I am, not who I think people want me to be
Also, Star Wars was excellent and I enjoyed it 100%. No regrets. Especially when my brother wandered into my room to comment "I might be crazy, but I really think there is *something* between Finn and Poe. I mean, they just have this spark." I'm so proud of him.