Thank you for your sympathy. I kind of posted last night in a small fit of manic worry, but it was brought on by my being in a new situation and seeing all my old patterns re: social interaction play out. It's very frustrating. Obviously, no one is entitled to a relationship, but being a person who really does enjoy the company of other people and longs for some level of intimacy in her life, I often feel deficient in that I have no avenues for achieving it.
Part of the problem is that I am pretty proactive about learning in other aspects of my life. I want to get better at putting on make-up? I talk to make-up experts and watch tutorials and practice. I want to learn about hockey? I read books and watch games and take skating lessons. I want to have male companionship? *crickets* I am terrified of signing up for online dating, given the horror stories that I have heard and the expectations of sex. I am also terrified that if I hit on guys, not only will they be grossed out, but they will tell everyone about how this terrible and ugly woman asked them out. I am actually having a small panic attack trying to articulate my feelings about it right now.
I signed up for an online dating site last year when I was feeling really lonely in Japan and hoping that if nothing else I might find a friend there, and I haven't had any horrible experiences, but neither have I gotten anything out of it beyond some extended online conversations and the occasional ego boost of having guys tell me I look good, which never seems to happen offline. It does seem to work for some people, but I guess you have to be willing to take the risk of meeting people in person and hoping they're not creeps.
I often feel like I must have missed the class on how to start relationships, and it's a lot harder to get away with being clueless at this age than when you're a teenager. It would be nice if it was something we could research like make-up or hockey.
Part of the problem is that I am pretty proactive about learning in other aspects of my life. I want to get better at putting on make-up? I talk to make-up experts and watch tutorials and practice. I want to learn about hockey? I read books and watch games and take skating lessons. I want to have male companionship? *crickets* I am terrified of signing up for online dating, given the horror stories that I have heard and the expectations of sex. I am also terrified that if I hit on guys, not only will they be grossed out, but they will tell everyone about how this terrible and ugly woman asked them out. I am actually having a small panic attack trying to articulate my feelings about it right now.
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I often feel like I must have missed the class on how to start relationships, and it's a lot harder to get away with being clueless at this age than when you're a teenager. It would be nice if it was something we could research like make-up or hockey.
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