Fic: Eighty-Nine Days
Title: Eighty-Nine Days
Fandom: Sherlock / Cabin Pressure crossover
Characters / pairings: Molly Hooper/Captain Martin Crieff, Douglas Richardson, Arthur Shappey, Carolyn Knapp-Shappey
Words: 1468
Rating: PG
Warnings: mention of dead bodies and Molly's work at the mortuary
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Summary: Martin suddenly acquires a lot of knowledge about dead bodies and decomposition patterns. Worried, Douglas decides to investigate.
Author's notes: Written for Sherlock's Summer Vacay at sherlockmas. Thanks to goldvermilion87 for beta'ing and to musical-lottie for beta'ing, Brit-picking and medical advice. :-)
This could be seen as a sequel to Five times Molly lost her heart … and one time she found one, but can just as well be read on its own. Comments and criticism are always very welcome. Enjoy! :)
“Eighty-nine days, Douglas.“
“Eighty-nine days? Are you sure, Martin?“
“Absolutely.”
“It takes eighty-nine days for a body to become a skeleton?”
“Yes.”
“In the UK?”
“Yes.”
“In summer?”
“Yes.”
“Now how on earth would you know that?”
“I simply do.”
“Hm. Correct me if I’m wrong - although I’m never wrong - but this knowledge has absolutely nothing to do with flying. Or aeroplanes. Or being a pilot.”
“Or flying.”
“Or flying, thank you Arthur. So why would you clutter your mind, that is already challenged with remembering all the rules and guidebooks for pilots that have ever existed and will ever exist, with knowledge about decomposition patterns of the human body?”
“Oh, you know,” Martin tried to answer nonchalantly. “You know how in my free time I practically cannot help picking up additional knowledge.”
“No, I don’t. If anything, knowledge escapes your mind in your free time. Like when you forgot everything about the solar system when you had just two days off. Not that I can blame it, I’d try to get away from you, too.”
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“But seriously, why do you suddenly know all those things?”
“What things?”
“Oh, don’t be obtuse! Last week you wanted to play ‘The ten deadliest types of head injury’ and the week before that you won ‘Naming as many internal organs as possible’ with an incredible 67 - and you knew all their possible failures and how one could die from them! If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were training to become an assassin.”
Martin blushed and started to stammer. “Er, Douglas, I - ... You should know - erm - ...”
“Right. I do know you better. You’d probably kill your victims by apologising to them until they die of desperation.” He gave Martin an almost worried look. “You’re not, well, ill or anything?”
“No! No! I’m fine. Fine. Totally fine.”
“Good. Perfect. Nothing is more worrying than a pilot with a terminal illness flying the plane I’m on.”
“Erm, Douglas?” Arthur tried to intervene but was ignored as Martin glared at Douglas. “You’re more worried about me flying a plane with you on it while I’m ill than whether I could actually die from it?”
“Are you ill?”
“No, but - ...”
“See, nothing to worry about.” Douglas smiled, then got serious again. “I do worry about your sudden and inexplicable knowledge of dead bodies, though.”
By now Arthur was practically hopping up and down in front of them and couldn’t hold back any longer. “It’s because of Martin’s girlfriend, Douglas!”
“Arthur!” Martin hissed, beetroot-red now. Then he collapsed onto his seat. “Why did you have to tell him?”
“Yes, Arthur, that’s a very good question. Why did you have to tell me - just now and not, let’s just say, right after you found out?”
“Sorry, Douglas. Only, Martin said I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone - and then do you remember yesterday when I really wanted to tell you something but couldn’t remember what it was? Yeah, I suppose that was it. And then I did try to tell you right now but you wouldn’t listen and - ...”
“Ah, never mind.” Douglas waved his hand magnanimously. Then he turned to Martin who did his best to disappear in his seat. It didn’t work. “So, you finally managed to acquire a girlfriend. I believe congratulations are in order. So: Congratulations! However, I fail to see how getting a girlfriend would increase your knowledge of lethal diseases. Unless you planned to kill her, but we’ve already excluded that possibility.”
“It’s because of her job,” Martin admitted through gritted teeth. His shoulders tensed but before he could continue, Arthur interrupted him.
“She works in a hospital and it’s brilliant! I mean, obviously, she’s brilliant, too. She has such nice hair - it smells really good - and once she gave me a whole packet of crisps just because she’s missed a lunch date with Martin and me!”
“Oh.” Douglas sounded surprised. “A nurse, is she? Well done, Martin.”
Martin relaxed and breathed very audible relief. “Yes - yes, a nurse! Yes, I’m dating a nurse, absolutely, yes. I’m so glad you didn’t make any jokes about it, Douglas. But then, you can’t really make jokes about nurses, right? Because nurses are pretty and smart and so is my girlfriend and so it’s really fitting that she is a nurse, right? Haha.”
If he had broken into a bit of sweat, everybody was polite enough not to mention it. Instead, Arthur continued in his most pensive voice: “Her hospital really is brilliant, though, isn’t it? I mean, usually hospitals are full of really ill people, coughing and sneezing all the time and you almost feel like you are getting worse when you go inside one.”
Douglas narrowed his eyes. “Very cleverly noted, Arthur. But is this adorable little story actually going anywhere or have you simply discovered the joy of hospitals and diseases just like Martin?”
“Well. Do you know what makes her hospital so brilliant?”
“I’m afraid you’re going to tell me any second now.”
“The fact that she’s there?” Martin tried to intervene. But Arthur couldn’t be stopped.
“Yes, that’s brilliant, too. But apart from that: It’s always so quiet and clean! I mean, it’s got all those shiny white walls and brilliant flashy lights and the best thing are the people. They don’t cough or sneeze, they don’t even move around. They just stay really quiet for their examination.”
There was a moment of silence, then Douglas burst into laughter and didn’t stop until tears were running down his face and he was gasping for breath. “Oh, Martin! Here I thought for a second that you’ve finally managed to get yourself a nice girlfriend - a nurse even - and then it turns out you’re dating a mortuary assistant! You really never cease to exceed my expectations. I bet she’s old and ugly and desperate to get a boyfriend.”
“Douglas! How can you say that? Of course she’s not! Why do you always say such mean things? As I told you, she is smart and pretty and - ...”
Carolyn chose that moment to enter the cabin. “What’s going on here? Douglas, are you crying?”
“No,” Douglas said and wiped the last tear from his eyes. “But can you believe it? Martin’s finally got a girlfriend. And guess what, she even works in a mortuary.”
“Oh. Are you really that desperate, Martin?”
“Now, why would everybody say that?? Molly’s really nice. But why don’t you just meet her? She’s picking me up at Fitton airport in just over an hour.”
---
“So, everybody, this is Molly! Or, well, Dr. Molly Hooper. Or as I should probably say: my girlfriend Molly.”
“Thank you, Martin, we were able to deduce that ourselves. But goodness - she isn’t horrible or old at all!”
“Douglas!”
“It’s simply the truth. Isn’t she a pleasant little thing? Hello, Molly. I am first officer Douglas Richardson. You have doubtlessly heard many incredible tales about me and I can assure you - they are all true. Pleased to meet you.”
“Hello, erm, nice to meet you, too. And yes, Martin has told me so much about you. Is it really true you didn’t know how many internal organs humans have? I couldn’t believe Martin because how could anybody not know this?!” She interrupted herself, biting her lip, and gave Martin a nervous glance. He looked horrified - and so did Douglas, at least for a split-second. “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s not a very good conversation starter, is it? Sorry, I’m always talking too much.”
Carolyn started laughing and gave Molly a pat on the shoulder. “Good girl. Don’t you worry about decent conversation. None of these care about that anyway. And I for my part like everyone who manages to put Douglas in his place. So welcome to MJN Air! You look pretty - would you like to join us as our new stewardess?”
“Mum!”
“Oh, right you are, Arthur, hard to believe as it is. She already has a job and a proper one at that. Never mind then, Molly. But if you do change your mind, let me know.”
“Er, I will. Thank you. It’s very nice to finally meet you all.”
“So, Molly,” Martin put an arm around her shoulder protectively, “would you like me to show you around GERTI now? I hoovered the cockpit especially for you.”
“Thank you, Martin! I’d love to see where you work.”
“Oh, oh, can I go, too, Mum?”
“You work on that plane almost everyday, Arthur. But yes, by all means go and have fun with the other kids.”
“Brilliant! Thanks, Mum! Wait for me, guys!”
“I still can’t believe Martin managed to find a girlfriend exactly like him.”
“Well, Douglas, at least she seems to be a person completely immune to your charm. Be careful - you might be losing your touch.”
Fandom: Sherlock / Cabin Pressure crossover
Characters / pairings: Molly Hooper/Captain Martin Crieff, Douglas Richardson, Arthur Shappey, Carolyn Knapp-Shappey
Words: 1468
Rating: PG
Warnings: mention of dead bodies and Molly's work at the mortuary
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Summary: Martin suddenly acquires a lot of knowledge about dead bodies and decomposition patterns. Worried, Douglas decides to investigate.
Author's notes: Written for Sherlock's Summer Vacay at sherlockmas. Thanks to goldvermilion87 for beta'ing and to musical-lottie for beta'ing, Brit-picking and medical advice. :-)
This could be seen as a sequel to Five times Molly lost her heart … and one time she found one, but can just as well be read on its own. Comments and criticism are always very welcome. Enjoy! :)
“Eighty-nine days, Douglas.“
“Eighty-nine days? Are you sure, Martin?“
“Absolutely.”
“It takes eighty-nine days for a body to become a skeleton?”
“Yes.”
“In the UK?”
“Yes.”
“In summer?”
“Yes.”
“Now how on earth would you know that?”
“I simply do.”
“Hm. Correct me if I’m wrong - although I’m never wrong - but this knowledge has absolutely nothing to do with flying. Or aeroplanes. Or being a pilot.”
“Or flying.”
“Or flying, thank you Arthur. So why would you clutter your mind, that is already challenged with remembering all the rules and guidebooks for pilots that have ever existed and will ever exist, with knowledge about decomposition patterns of the human body?”
“Oh, you know,” Martin tried to answer nonchalantly. “You know how in my free time I practically cannot help picking up additional knowledge.”
“No, I don’t. If anything, knowledge escapes your mind in your free time. Like when you forgot everything about the solar system when you had just two days off. Not that I can blame it, I’d try to get away from you, too.”
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“But seriously, why do you suddenly know all those things?”
“What things?”
“Oh, don’t be obtuse! Last week you wanted to play ‘The ten deadliest types of head injury’ and the week before that you won ‘Naming as many internal organs as possible’ with an incredible 67 - and you knew all their possible failures and how one could die from them! If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were training to become an assassin.”
Martin blushed and started to stammer. “Er, Douglas, I - ... You should know - erm - ...”
“Right. I do know you better. You’d probably kill your victims by apologising to them until they die of desperation.” He gave Martin an almost worried look. “You’re not, well, ill or anything?”
“No! No! I’m fine. Fine. Totally fine.”
“Good. Perfect. Nothing is more worrying than a pilot with a terminal illness flying the plane I’m on.”
“Erm, Douglas?” Arthur tried to intervene but was ignored as Martin glared at Douglas. “You’re more worried about me flying a plane with you on it while I’m ill than whether I could actually die from it?”
“Are you ill?”
“No, but - ...”
“See, nothing to worry about.” Douglas smiled, then got serious again. “I do worry about your sudden and inexplicable knowledge of dead bodies, though.”
By now Arthur was practically hopping up and down in front of them and couldn’t hold back any longer. “It’s because of Martin’s girlfriend, Douglas!”
“Arthur!” Martin hissed, beetroot-red now. Then he collapsed onto his seat. “Why did you have to tell him?”
“Yes, Arthur, that’s a very good question. Why did you have to tell me - just now and not, let’s just say, right after you found out?”
“Sorry, Douglas. Only, Martin said I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone - and then do you remember yesterday when I really wanted to tell you something but couldn’t remember what it was? Yeah, I suppose that was it. And then I did try to tell you right now but you wouldn’t listen and - ...”
“Ah, never mind.” Douglas waved his hand magnanimously. Then he turned to Martin who did his best to disappear in his seat. It didn’t work. “So, you finally managed to acquire a girlfriend. I believe congratulations are in order. So: Congratulations! However, I fail to see how getting a girlfriend would increase your knowledge of lethal diseases. Unless you planned to kill her, but we’ve already excluded that possibility.”
“It’s because of her job,” Martin admitted through gritted teeth. His shoulders tensed but before he could continue, Arthur interrupted him.
“She works in a hospital and it’s brilliant! I mean, obviously, she’s brilliant, too. She has such nice hair - it smells really good - and once she gave me a whole packet of crisps just because she’s missed a lunch date with Martin and me!”
“Oh.” Douglas sounded surprised. “A nurse, is she? Well done, Martin.”
Martin relaxed and breathed very audible relief. “Yes - yes, a nurse! Yes, I’m dating a nurse, absolutely, yes. I’m so glad you didn’t make any jokes about it, Douglas. But then, you can’t really make jokes about nurses, right? Because nurses are pretty and smart and so is my girlfriend and so it’s really fitting that she is a nurse, right? Haha.”
If he had broken into a bit of sweat, everybody was polite enough not to mention it. Instead, Arthur continued in his most pensive voice: “Her hospital really is brilliant, though, isn’t it? I mean, usually hospitals are full of really ill people, coughing and sneezing all the time and you almost feel like you are getting worse when you go inside one.”
Douglas narrowed his eyes. “Very cleverly noted, Arthur. But is this adorable little story actually going anywhere or have you simply discovered the joy of hospitals and diseases just like Martin?”
“Well. Do you know what makes her hospital so brilliant?”
“I’m afraid you’re going to tell me any second now.”
“The fact that she’s there?” Martin tried to intervene. But Arthur couldn’t be stopped.
“Yes, that’s brilliant, too. But apart from that: It’s always so quiet and clean! I mean, it’s got all those shiny white walls and brilliant flashy lights and the best thing are the people. They don’t cough or sneeze, they don’t even move around. They just stay really quiet for their examination.”
There was a moment of silence, then Douglas burst into laughter and didn’t stop until tears were running down his face and he was gasping for breath. “Oh, Martin! Here I thought for a second that you’ve finally managed to get yourself a nice girlfriend - a nurse even - and then it turns out you’re dating a mortuary assistant! You really never cease to exceed my expectations. I bet she’s old and ugly and desperate to get a boyfriend.”
“Douglas! How can you say that? Of course she’s not! Why do you always say such mean things? As I told you, she is smart and pretty and - ...”
Carolyn chose that moment to enter the cabin. “What’s going on here? Douglas, are you crying?”
“No,” Douglas said and wiped the last tear from his eyes. “But can you believe it? Martin’s finally got a girlfriend. And guess what, she even works in a mortuary.”
“Oh. Are you really that desperate, Martin?”
“Now, why would everybody say that?? Molly’s really nice. But why don’t you just meet her? She’s picking me up at Fitton airport in just over an hour.”
---
“So, everybody, this is Molly! Or, well, Dr. Molly Hooper. Or as I should probably say: my girlfriend Molly.”
“Thank you, Martin, we were able to deduce that ourselves. But goodness - she isn’t horrible or old at all!”
“Douglas!”
“It’s simply the truth. Isn’t she a pleasant little thing? Hello, Molly. I am first officer Douglas Richardson. You have doubtlessly heard many incredible tales about me and I can assure you - they are all true. Pleased to meet you.”
“Hello, erm, nice to meet you, too. And yes, Martin has told me so much about you. Is it really true you didn’t know how many internal organs humans have? I couldn’t believe Martin because how could anybody not know this?!” She interrupted herself, biting her lip, and gave Martin a nervous glance. He looked horrified - and so did Douglas, at least for a split-second. “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s not a very good conversation starter, is it? Sorry, I’m always talking too much.”
Carolyn started laughing and gave Molly a pat on the shoulder. “Good girl. Don’t you worry about decent conversation. None of these care about that anyway. And I for my part like everyone who manages to put Douglas in his place. So welcome to MJN Air! You look pretty - would you like to join us as our new stewardess?”
“Mum!”
“Oh, right you are, Arthur, hard to believe as it is. She already has a job and a proper one at that. Never mind then, Molly. But if you do change your mind, let me know.”
“Er, I will. Thank you. It’s very nice to finally meet you all.”
“So, Molly,” Martin put an arm around her shoulder protectively, “would you like me to show you around GERTI now? I hoovered the cockpit especially for you.”
“Thank you, Martin! I’d love to see where you work.”
“Oh, oh, can I go, too, Mum?”
“You work on that plane almost everyday, Arthur. But yes, by all means go and have fun with the other kids.”
“Brilliant! Thanks, Mum! Wait for me, guys!”
“I still can’t believe Martin managed to find a girlfriend exactly like him.”
“Well, Douglas, at least she seems to be a person completely immune to your charm. Be careful - you might be losing your touch.”