ahhhhhhhh ):
the stooopid thing that i dont like abt eljays and bloggers is, when that person has a very unique name, and when she/he googles it, tadaa! personal blogs mentioning that particular name is listed out under e 'search results.' hmmmmmmm.
anyways, my muscles are aching like siao and im extremely exhausted. haha!
not quite in a mood to blog actually, heh, my mind is still in a daze.. but umm i dont know i just feel e need to blog cos somehow someway i felt bad and guilty and i should kill myself for saying it. and i dont know whether im doing e right thing. confused? so am i. >.<
today went to east coast with siswand, he asked me out since last march lah and i havent got e time to make it up to him til now lol. soooo, we erm went cycling! ahahaha e humiliation! hahaaaa. but it was fun lah. he's being v polite.(: at e same time i was looking ard, was trying to find a suitable location where my camping prog could be held. im half tanned and i dont like it! =D
and then we went marina sq after his fri prayers (i thot he would give it a pass but he didnt! so gd eh!!!!!!), i wanted to snag that pretty black top, e one i saw on previous monday, but it was goneeee. ):
but never e mind.... i finally bought my white pumps! yayy~! it was on offer, think e usual price was 29.90$ but was tagged 19.90$ (((: very plain lah tapi, but i loikee. =D
on our way home... i think he had enough of waiting. haha. well abt 1 and a half months i suppose? so yeah he popped e question, he was like hinting... "hey diana, i got a question for you. umm.. how to say eh.. you rmbr anything abt bottles?" immediately i know what he was referring to. the glass bottle that i received frm him on vday. and when he mentioned that.. i started to panic.. was very e unprepared man. jeeez. i think "the friend" who he has been msging all e way was like telling, "go ask her! go go! jiayou!" or sthg like tt. yes that friend. lol. anyway, where was i.. oh. and so, i told him what i felt, i was saying those phrases that i learnt frm aishah (!!!!!) ahh. haha. im not very gd in my words lah k. pathetic me. lol. i dont know why suddenly im losing my voice and i got nervous and was trembling and oh shucks. so pai seh can! andddd. i told him abt mr foreverwaiting, his face changed. i felt so freakin guilty, i think i shudnt be telling him that but i felt i gotta tell him anyway........ did i err just make a mistake or sthg...? :0 man i felt bad, like really really bad. so when i reached home, i msged him, he replied this,
"yeah im fine, dun worry abt me ah. rest assured i respect ur stand. at least now i understand. im e one who shud thank u for having known n willing to go out all that. i hope u dont get urself too troubled over this ah. smile always tau!"
when he said that, i felt so bad... and a tinge of guilt & regret for saying such to him. he was so nice to me.. but what can i do? im not ready for anything.. i mean i do like him as a friend yeah but... argh im so confused! hope he doesnt have this idea of me rejecting him or anything seh..
but at least ive told him what im supposed to tell kan? now its left with mr foreverwaiting. i need to tell him e truth. i cant possibly keep everything in e dark, i need to settle this asap. partly cos i also cannot tahan with e perangai. bfore everything turns out wrong, i wouldnt want to end up hurting anyone, including myself. but i think i just did.
shit. he's online.