My Feeling Towards Someone
Okay I am at a down right now. The reason why is because the guy that I thought would be one of my very first and close best friend, I don't think it is going to work out. Because I feel that the kimitry that I see in us both I don't think he sees (gosh I sound like I am gay and love the boy,lol) and then like you have people who alway's gets in the way and makes everything even worse that what it seems like. For example, this afternoon I was setting down in ETT at this desk and in the desk it had some notebooks and crap in it. Well I decide to grab one of the note books out of the desk and find out who it belongs to. Well when I just randomly open to a spot I so his name there (jeremy), and then I was like "oh let me see what he is writting", because it look like a diary (the way he was dating the junck). And then long and behold of my annoying friends, Shanice came over and was being nosey and had asked me whos notebook was it. And me being stupid told her who's it was. So then we both had started to read some of the things he had written in his journal, and it was like as I was reading it I felt ever word he was saying and I could so relate to alot of the things that was said in the journal. I really don't see why Shanice was reading it with me, because she does not understand spirituality whats so ever (although she is the pastor's daughter at some ghetto fabulous church). Anyway I kept haunting her and telling her that she could not tell anyone about this journal, and of course she had agreed which I knew she was lying, but then she was telling me how I needed to give it to her so that she could give it to him in gym next period, and I was like "no, because if he finds out that you 'the most noseyst and most gosiping girl in the school' read his journal he would probably freak out". Anyway we went back and forth and that when finally we had so it my way. So then in gym she kept telling me that I had better give him his journal or else she was going to tell that I had read it and crap so that I would look guilty. and I had told her that " okay shanice why don't you just stay out of it, because it really has nothing to do with you, basically everything the boy was saying anyone was to high of the level of common since you operate on anyway". So then of cours she got pissed and left and end up telling jeremy that I was keeping he journal (which was a lie) and that had read it and crap, once again making me look guitly. So then of course I felt so pathitic and angry and her and at myself for leting her even look and the journal and telling her who's it was. I also was upset then because I felt that he probably sees me more stupid than he had already did in the past (which he told me he doesn't). and its like I really, really want to be close friends with him, because like I had said before we have so much incommom personally wise that it really is funny to me, because I thoguht that I was the only one that thought the way I do. Anway my track is going on a field trip tomorrow to the beach, and from what I heard jeremy isn't going, and I am not either. So I am going to give him a call tomorrow just to clear up some things with him and expressing my feelings towards him. I also feel that I act way corny around him for some strange reason.