Pre-emptive thought processing
Well my mother read it but I was asleep last night and we only caught each other a bit this morning. She said we had a lot to talk about and then said she didn't know what I wanted her to do. I told her I wanted her to be supportive, like she was 2-3 months ago, essentially before Amber.
And this is where we get to "the issue". She doesn't "like" Amber. She doesn't think that I'm a capable caretaker, and Amber needs a caretaker. Based on this she thinks we're not compatible. But really, this is why we are compatible.
Because of my upbringing, in a household with strong female dominance and a father that would do her bidding, I'm used to 'serving', in a way. And with all the talk of relationships like that (via entertainment like TV/comedians/etc.) I have this expectation that I need to do a certain amount of work just to make the woman happy.
I'm not always fine with this though, I want equality wherever possible. My biggest problem throughout my entire time growing up was always "why?" Why do I have to do this chore, when you're fully capable, can do it better, quicker, you're closer to it and it's only purpose is because you want it done, not any actual function. I don't have that question with Amber. Or rather, I already have the answer. She can't do it, or mostly, I can do it easier/quicker/etc. Because I'm the more "capable" person in the relationship, the biggest thing stopping me from being that hardworking responsible first-born is not there.
I will eventually start building up a full and complete mental checklist of all that needs to be done and I will schedule out when. I will do these things, once I get started and can figure it all out.
And this means that I'll have done my "work" that will allow me to accept that I've worked and earned her love, while I get to be a responsible adult, and I will have no problems doing so.
On another point, I work in waves. If I'm slow and sluggish, I will continue to be slow and sluggish. If I'm up an about, I will continue to be energetic and up and about. With Amber, being a caretaker for her, I have to be up and about and energetic, this serves to make me more energetic and active. Which is essential to me doing more with my life than being a pro at MMO's.
One of my mothers biggest complaints is that she sees me just being downstairs and playing games, like I used to do. But that's just a reality of my life she's going to need to accept. I've never been the person to get out and go. Aside from going to the movies, or the occasional youth group event/card games, the only time I ever went out earlier in my life was because Carrie had things for us to do. My life has always consisted of two interests, sports and video games. Sports, while I'd love to get back in and be able to run, play soccer and/or frisbee, isn't something you can do a whole lot of. Simply because you need others to do them, and you need to be in better shape than I currently am, especially to be able to do it for long periods of time. It's not a viable option to take up my entire day, at least not until I have a job sucking away the majority of the day to begin with. So that leaves my other interest, video games. It just so happens, Amber enjoys that too, so it's something we can share and do together. I don't know what my mother expects me to go out and do, I'm a practical person. I don't go shopping for things I can't afford. I don't look at things I can't afford. I don't have the money, therefore there's no point to going out and window shopping to me. And most other things cost some form of money, which I cannot do.
I don't see what my mothers issue with that is, my mother has none of her own interests. She does nothing other than facebook games and occasionally she talks to one of her coworkers on the phone. Then maybe once a month she goes out and has a couple drinks at a bar somewhere, if it's even once a month. Even the drinking is new for her, she didn't do it until recently. Before the last year, she did absolutely nothing, just watch TV/read magazines/play games/etc. So I don't see why she expects me to be some wildly active person.
Anyway, I think that's about all my prep work for my inevitable discussion with my mother. It won't be until Sunday/Monday, as I'm heading to Ambers for the weekend, but oh well. As usual, I feel I've forgotten something I was going to mention, but oh well, maybe it'll come to me when the talk actually happens.
And this is where we get to "the issue". She doesn't "like" Amber. She doesn't think that I'm a capable caretaker, and Amber needs a caretaker. Based on this she thinks we're not compatible. But really, this is why we are compatible.
Because of my upbringing, in a household with strong female dominance and a father that would do her bidding, I'm used to 'serving', in a way. And with all the talk of relationships like that (via entertainment like TV/comedians/etc.) I have this expectation that I need to do a certain amount of work just to make the woman happy.
I'm not always fine with this though, I want equality wherever possible. My biggest problem throughout my entire time growing up was always "why?" Why do I have to do this chore, when you're fully capable, can do it better, quicker, you're closer to it and it's only purpose is because you want it done, not any actual function. I don't have that question with Amber. Or rather, I already have the answer. She can't do it, or mostly, I can do it easier/quicker/etc. Because I'm the more "capable" person in the relationship, the biggest thing stopping me from being that hardworking responsible first-born is not there.
I will eventually start building up a full and complete mental checklist of all that needs to be done and I will schedule out when. I will do these things, once I get started and can figure it all out.
And this means that I'll have done my "work" that will allow me to accept that I've worked and earned her love, while I get to be a responsible adult, and I will have no problems doing so.
On another point, I work in waves. If I'm slow and sluggish, I will continue to be slow and sluggish. If I'm up an about, I will continue to be energetic and up and about. With Amber, being a caretaker for her, I have to be up and about and energetic, this serves to make me more energetic and active. Which is essential to me doing more with my life than being a pro at MMO's.
One of my mothers biggest complaints is that she sees me just being downstairs and playing games, like I used to do. But that's just a reality of my life she's going to need to accept. I've never been the person to get out and go. Aside from going to the movies, or the occasional youth group event/card games, the only time I ever went out earlier in my life was because Carrie had things for us to do. My life has always consisted of two interests, sports and video games. Sports, while I'd love to get back in and be able to run, play soccer and/or frisbee, isn't something you can do a whole lot of. Simply because you need others to do them, and you need to be in better shape than I currently am, especially to be able to do it for long periods of time. It's not a viable option to take up my entire day, at least not until I have a job sucking away the majority of the day to begin with. So that leaves my other interest, video games. It just so happens, Amber enjoys that too, so it's something we can share and do together. I don't know what my mother expects me to go out and do, I'm a practical person. I don't go shopping for things I can't afford. I don't look at things I can't afford. I don't have the money, therefore there's no point to going out and window shopping to me. And most other things cost some form of money, which I cannot do.
I don't see what my mothers issue with that is, my mother has none of her own interests. She does nothing other than facebook games and occasionally she talks to one of her coworkers on the phone. Then maybe once a month she goes out and has a couple drinks at a bar somewhere, if it's even once a month. Even the drinking is new for her, she didn't do it until recently. Before the last year, she did absolutely nothing, just watch TV/read magazines/play games/etc. So I don't see why she expects me to be some wildly active person.
Anyway, I think that's about all my prep work for my inevitable discussion with my mother. It won't be until Sunday/Monday, as I'm heading to Ambers for the weekend, but oh well. As usual, I feel I've forgotten something I was going to mention, but oh well, maybe it'll come to me when the talk actually happens.