(no subject)
Yay for sleeplessness returning. Really not feeling this lab tech interview, could be the lack of sleep talking though. I can't even get back to sleep after only 4 hours, either. How terribly annoying.
Sometimes it sucks doing the smart thing. Sometimes it's torture, but it's still the smart thing.
I wanted to not post about everything on my mind for...reasons. But that's just not my style. Unfortunately, a lot of things that "aren't my style" are going to be necessary for me over the next month or two, which is why my entry and this early one are "negative".
Things were going great with otaku girl, but as I posted, she's very structured about things. And I respect that. But apparently she has a 3-date thing before going exclusive with someone and there must be "weeks" in between these dates. This sounds like a good idea when I think of it in theory, as early meetings are probably more infatuation with new stimuli than actual chemistry.
A few "issues" I have, and these are mostly selfish, and thus should not actually be considered, though:
-I have a very open schedule. I have an interview today, sending in a resume with Ben, then frisbee from 7-9. Tomorrow I have nothing except picking up pizza for my family dinner. Wednesday is frisbee 7-9. Thursday is meeting with a career advisor. Ok, so I have "something" going on in the next 4 days, but they hardly take up the entire day. I don't work yet, I'm still working on that, and I'm still in the early stages of finding friends to do things with. So I'm forced to be sitting around bored instead of just spend more time with her. Again, this sounds smart, as I have a high tendency to become clingy and that's only good if the other person is going to be just as clingy and you work out forever, which you cannot possibly determine in one meeting (although that's arguable depending on exactly how/what that "the one" feeling is).
-She's still got other people after her. Some other guy got run off recently because of this. I could've swore she only had named one guy that was also after her, so I'm not sure if the 2nd name she brought up last night was sarcasm or not. I'm possessive and just want her all to myself now, so this is annoying. But I said these things were mostly selfish, this is probably the most selfish part of it all.
-The combination of the above two make me feel "forced" into finding other people myself. I need people to burn my free time and I feel I "have" to go out there and meet new girls too, ranging from reasons of making sure I'm not simply infatuated with otaku girl to wanting to make her "jealous" and not want to risk losing me, because she seriously could, especially if I find any girl that clings to me, has the free time and wishes to spend time with me on a less limited basis (which DeAnna was, part of how things progressed so fast with her).
-But then I have no money. And in the next few weeks I still won't have any money. So how am I supposed to find someone else to do anything with when all I can really do is show up at their house and chat? I love to talk and all, but I always feel I "must" do more for a girl, just my idea of social pressures on things. This hurts my desire to send a message to anyone on okcupid because I simply cannot afford to do anything with them but drive to meet them and talk in person. And while I imagine most girls would be fine with this (especially any girl I'd be interested in) it still feels terribly unimpressive and boring, which is where my main insecurity lies when it comes to women.
-I like, or at the very least am infatuated with, otaku girl. So now not only do I have the above issues having some effect on going out to meet new girls, they all are going to get compared to her. As well, I'm not one to entertain multiple subjects, when I have one person on my mind that is all that matters. That's both how I work and what I believe to be polite to all parties. But again, I feel forced into finding new girls for both emotional and boredom reasons.
I'm not real sure why I had to list all this out, it's just how I do things I suppose. I don't really wish to change how things are going, I feel like I'd be forcing her to go against what she wishes, so even if she tried to change plans, I wouldn't allow them to be changed much. Although the current plan seems like no real compromise between us. I told her I move fast and she moves slow. She initially said she does 3 dates with weeks of time in between them before going exclusive with anyone. The other day can count as a date, but she may not count it and need a fourth date? So basically, everything is going exactly within her plans/structure.
My main issue among this all is that I don't know how to progress. The idea of 3 dates makes me get nervous as if there is "more" expected of this time spent together. As well, I don't know how to handle online conversation either. I believe she's going to be around fairly often, and I'm going to be around fairly often, so we'll have lots of time to chat. But if we chat non-stop for the next few weeks, will there be much to discuss on dates? As well, I'm being advised to NOT talk to her, because she'll like me more with time spent apart. Which isn't how I like to do things, but if I followed everyones advice I'd probably be going out with DeAnna still, so I'm betting I should follow their plans. So I'm waiting on her for things. Of course, she's talking to me now, explaining how she's setting up dates with a million guys and feeling bad about it. I'm not sure exactly what that all means for me/us, though, not yet.
Bleh, think I'm done getting it all out. Back to...doing nothing, lulz.
Sometimes it sucks doing the smart thing. Sometimes it's torture, but it's still the smart thing.
I wanted to not post about everything on my mind for...reasons. But that's just not my style. Unfortunately, a lot of things that "aren't my style" are going to be necessary for me over the next month or two, which is why my entry and this early one are "negative".
Things were going great with otaku girl, but as I posted, she's very structured about things. And I respect that. But apparently she has a 3-date thing before going exclusive with someone and there must be "weeks" in between these dates. This sounds like a good idea when I think of it in theory, as early meetings are probably more infatuation with new stimuli than actual chemistry.
A few "issues" I have, and these are mostly selfish, and thus should not actually be considered, though:
-I have a very open schedule. I have an interview today, sending in a resume with Ben, then frisbee from 7-9. Tomorrow I have nothing except picking up pizza for my family dinner. Wednesday is frisbee 7-9. Thursday is meeting with a career advisor. Ok, so I have "something" going on in the next 4 days, but they hardly take up the entire day. I don't work yet, I'm still working on that, and I'm still in the early stages of finding friends to do things with. So I'm forced to be sitting around bored instead of just spend more time with her. Again, this sounds smart, as I have a high tendency to become clingy and that's only good if the other person is going to be just as clingy and you work out forever, which you cannot possibly determine in one meeting (although that's arguable depending on exactly how/what that "the one" feeling is).
-She's still got other people after her. Some other guy got run off recently because of this. I could've swore she only had named one guy that was also after her, so I'm not sure if the 2nd name she brought up last night was sarcasm or not. I'm possessive and just want her all to myself now, so this is annoying. But I said these things were mostly selfish, this is probably the most selfish part of it all.
-The combination of the above two make me feel "forced" into finding other people myself. I need people to burn my free time and I feel I "have" to go out there and meet new girls too, ranging from reasons of making sure I'm not simply infatuated with otaku girl to wanting to make her "jealous" and not want to risk losing me, because she seriously could, especially if I find any girl that clings to me, has the free time and wishes to spend time with me on a less limited basis (which DeAnna was, part of how things progressed so fast with her).
-But then I have no money. And in the next few weeks I still won't have any money. So how am I supposed to find someone else to do anything with when all I can really do is show up at their house and chat? I love to talk and all, but I always feel I "must" do more for a girl, just my idea of social pressures on things. This hurts my desire to send a message to anyone on okcupid because I simply cannot afford to do anything with them but drive to meet them and talk in person. And while I imagine most girls would be fine with this (especially any girl I'd be interested in) it still feels terribly unimpressive and boring, which is where my main insecurity lies when it comes to women.
-I like, or at the very least am infatuated with, otaku girl. So now not only do I have the above issues having some effect on going out to meet new girls, they all are going to get compared to her. As well, I'm not one to entertain multiple subjects, when I have one person on my mind that is all that matters. That's both how I work and what I believe to be polite to all parties. But again, I feel forced into finding new girls for both emotional and boredom reasons.
I'm not real sure why I had to list all this out, it's just how I do things I suppose. I don't really wish to change how things are going, I feel like I'd be forcing her to go against what she wishes, so even if she tried to change plans, I wouldn't allow them to be changed much. Although the current plan seems like no real compromise between us. I told her I move fast and she moves slow. She initially said she does 3 dates with weeks of time in between them before going exclusive with anyone. The other day can count as a date, but she may not count it and need a fourth date? So basically, everything is going exactly within her plans/structure.
My main issue among this all is that I don't know how to progress. The idea of 3 dates makes me get nervous as if there is "more" expected of this time spent together. As well, I don't know how to handle online conversation either. I believe she's going to be around fairly often, and I'm going to be around fairly often, so we'll have lots of time to chat. But if we chat non-stop for the next few weeks, will there be much to discuss on dates? As well, I'm being advised to NOT talk to her, because she'll like me more with time spent apart. Which isn't how I like to do things, but if I followed everyones advice I'd probably be going out with DeAnna still, so I'm betting I should follow their plans. So I'm waiting on her for things. Of course, she's talking to me now, explaining how she's setting up dates with a million guys and feeling bad about it. I'm not sure exactly what that all means for me/us, though, not yet.
Bleh, think I'm done getting it all out. Back to...doing nothing, lulz.