(no subject)
And what I had originally planned to post about today, but got sidetracked with the more "important" issue discussed below, update on rest of life:
Talked to my Dad today, asked if I could maybe get a job at my 2nd cousins construction company, where my father currently works. My dad said he'd ask, but not to get my hopes up. He had been thinking about it already and had mentioned it to Bruce but he didn't sound too enthusiastic about it, so it's not too probable for that to happen. Outside of that, my father doesn't want me to work construction. He says I'm too smart for that. True, I am, but it's something, and it's also hard work that I can appreciate doing, something I probably need. I just need to get SOME job, to close the gap in my employment history, to give me some more experience, to give me some cash in my pocket. He says I can use the company as a reference/former employer to help my resume though, so I'll be updating my resume shortly. A bit "wrong" for me to do this, but I have helped my father out on a number of construction jobs over the years, so I do have some experience here. My father says I should be looking into an airport security job or homeland security, as those jobs are always needed/in demand. I'll ask about it when I go speak to an FCC counselor.
Also talked to Mrs. Like again. I asked if there was a Singles group at Mount Airy Bible Church, sadly there wasn't, but there is a College & Career group, which is in desperate need of guys. Sounds like my kinda place. I'm not big on the super Churchy people/girls usually, but I spent my high school with those types of people as my friends and I had a good time. So maybe I should return to my "roots", since I was a total loser before high school and meeting people at Church. So I'll probably be attending Church this weekend, and going out to lunch with this group somewhere. I won't be able to do this a lot, at least not until I get a job, but it'll be nice to maybe find some people to talk to.
That's one thing I'm really missing, people to talk to. I've spent so much time over the last few years alone, no one to spend time with, no one to talk to. I'd usually talk to people online about things, but that's different, especially in a game environment when you pretty much only discuss the game itself, nothing more. I used to talk to people for hours back in the day. I would just drive over to their house and we'd spend 5 or more hours sitting in my car just talking, about anything, about everything. I miss having those connections terribly. It's time to get some back.
On that end, I sent 3 messages out today on okcupid to girls. Just wanting to chat/talk, the only one I see myself truly able to connect with has not yet read the message, but the other two read them, checked out my profile and did not respond. I just want to talk to them, just chat, nothing more, but no go. I understand that you don't always need a new friend and sometimes the person you're responding to isn't who you're looking for, but really, two people, two ignores? I'm not that bad, I have a much better batting average irl.
On that note, I'm bad at "selling" myself, I'm not a "flashy" person. A lot of my insecurity comes from this. And this was up there for DeAnna as well. I'm not an "artsy" person, I'm not a "creative" person, I'm just a dependable guy, your typical "nice guy finish last" thing. I have a rational/irrational fear of this being an issue, because I hear people talk of guys like that in ways that I often don't hear them talk of me. When DeAnna brought up still having feelings for an ex, who was an artsy/creative guy, I instantly thought of this. This guy is so flashy he just makes me unimportant. Fact of the matter is, I'm just not that flashy guy. It doesn't get me girls, it's one of my "weaknesses" but it's also who I am. I can be loud, proud and opinionated, and that was my response to not being a truly creative type, but for the most part I'm just that nice, quiet guy that's going to be there for you, forever. And as usual, it's hard to sell that to a girl, as they seem to want the flashy.
But oh well, if I take things slow enough my lack of flash will not matter in the end, at least when it comes to girls at College and Career. Granted, I probably won't like most of them and the rest will be taken, but oh well. Eventually I'll meet up with people, make some friends and life will be awesome again. Life will just be subpar until I reach that point, I will survive.
Finding a career/job for money is pretty stressful and keeps me very bored, my life is pretty boring these days, hopefully that won't be too, too obvious whenever I make a new friend and turn them off because of it. It's getting better, I'm getting into more stuff, adding things to my schedule, filling up my time. Life is getting better for sure.
But I do need my emotions/mind to truly understand that. I haven't been able to stay asleep longer than 3 hours in a couple weeks. And then I hardly sleep past that point. I'm not sure how I'm shown as idle/away to my friends on AIM, but if I come away from idle at 3am or 5am, yeah, that's me. I can't get to sleep so I'm checking my e-mail, checking craigslist and realizing nothing is happening so I head back to try to sleep. I went to the store and could not find sleeping pills, possibly for the best, I'll save money and not have to depend on a pill to actually sleep. At some point I imagine my sleep will correct itself. Hopefully before I start a job.
And on a final note, my dad says he'll take me shopping for shoes and cleats when he gets paid in a couple weeks, since his car payments are done he has a little extra cash. Yay, though I really don't like taking money from people, especially people having money troubles, even if they're family.
Talked to my Dad today, asked if I could maybe get a job at my 2nd cousins construction company, where my father currently works. My dad said he'd ask, but not to get my hopes up. He had been thinking about it already and had mentioned it to Bruce but he didn't sound too enthusiastic about it, so it's not too probable for that to happen. Outside of that, my father doesn't want me to work construction. He says I'm too smart for that. True, I am, but it's something, and it's also hard work that I can appreciate doing, something I probably need. I just need to get SOME job, to close the gap in my employment history, to give me some more experience, to give me some cash in my pocket. He says I can use the company as a reference/former employer to help my resume though, so I'll be updating my resume shortly. A bit "wrong" for me to do this, but I have helped my father out on a number of construction jobs over the years, so I do have some experience here. My father says I should be looking into an airport security job or homeland security, as those jobs are always needed/in demand. I'll ask about it when I go speak to an FCC counselor.
Also talked to Mrs. Like again. I asked if there was a Singles group at Mount Airy Bible Church, sadly there wasn't, but there is a College & Career group, which is in desperate need of guys. Sounds like my kinda place. I'm not big on the super Churchy people/girls usually, but I spent my high school with those types of people as my friends and I had a good time. So maybe I should return to my "roots", since I was a total loser before high school and meeting people at Church. So I'll probably be attending Church this weekend, and going out to lunch with this group somewhere. I won't be able to do this a lot, at least not until I get a job, but it'll be nice to maybe find some people to talk to.
That's one thing I'm really missing, people to talk to. I've spent so much time over the last few years alone, no one to spend time with, no one to talk to. I'd usually talk to people online about things, but that's different, especially in a game environment when you pretty much only discuss the game itself, nothing more. I used to talk to people for hours back in the day. I would just drive over to their house and we'd spend 5 or more hours sitting in my car just talking, about anything, about everything. I miss having those connections terribly. It's time to get some back.
On that end, I sent 3 messages out today on okcupid to girls. Just wanting to chat/talk, the only one I see myself truly able to connect with has not yet read the message, but the other two read them, checked out my profile and did not respond. I just want to talk to them, just chat, nothing more, but no go. I understand that you don't always need a new friend and sometimes the person you're responding to isn't who you're looking for, but really, two people, two ignores? I'm not that bad, I have a much better batting average irl.
On that note, I'm bad at "selling" myself, I'm not a "flashy" person. A lot of my insecurity comes from this. And this was up there for DeAnna as well. I'm not an "artsy" person, I'm not a "creative" person, I'm just a dependable guy, your typical "nice guy finish last" thing. I have a rational/irrational fear of this being an issue, because I hear people talk of guys like that in ways that I often don't hear them talk of me. When DeAnna brought up still having feelings for an ex, who was an artsy/creative guy, I instantly thought of this. This guy is so flashy he just makes me unimportant. Fact of the matter is, I'm just not that flashy guy. It doesn't get me girls, it's one of my "weaknesses" but it's also who I am. I can be loud, proud and opinionated, and that was my response to not being a truly creative type, but for the most part I'm just that nice, quiet guy that's going to be there for you, forever. And as usual, it's hard to sell that to a girl, as they seem to want the flashy.
But oh well, if I take things slow enough my lack of flash will not matter in the end, at least when it comes to girls at College and Career. Granted, I probably won't like most of them and the rest will be taken, but oh well. Eventually I'll meet up with people, make some friends and life will be awesome again. Life will just be subpar until I reach that point, I will survive.
Finding a career/job for money is pretty stressful and keeps me very bored, my life is pretty boring these days, hopefully that won't be too, too obvious whenever I make a new friend and turn them off because of it. It's getting better, I'm getting into more stuff, adding things to my schedule, filling up my time. Life is getting better for sure.
But I do need my emotions/mind to truly understand that. I haven't been able to stay asleep longer than 3 hours in a couple weeks. And then I hardly sleep past that point. I'm not sure how I'm shown as idle/away to my friends on AIM, but if I come away from idle at 3am or 5am, yeah, that's me. I can't get to sleep so I'm checking my e-mail, checking craigslist and realizing nothing is happening so I head back to try to sleep. I went to the store and could not find sleeping pills, possibly for the best, I'll save money and not have to depend on a pill to actually sleep. At some point I imagine my sleep will correct itself. Hopefully before I start a job.
And on a final note, my dad says he'll take me shopping for shoes and cleats when he gets paid in a couple weeks, since his car payments are done he has a little extra cash. Yay, though I really don't like taking money from people, especially people having money troubles, even if they're family.