Whatever...

[eagleroo2001]

It was really strange. I was watching Tyra Banks' show tonight and she was taking some girls around LA. The city she grew up in. Her city. It made me really wanna go home. It made me want to go to a cheap coffee shop on Melrose, ride the bus all over town, go walk around cause the weather lets you. I want a little one bedroom apartment that's all mine. I want to make new friends, meet new people, invite them over for dinner or go somewhere for dinner. Hit up mom and dad's after work for dinner one night. I want a full-time job where I feel like I'm doing something for me. I I worked over 8 hours yetserday and I forgot how much I like working all day long five days a week and then having my weekends for me. I'm not sure how to accomplish this but I want it. It's not going to be cheap moving home, but I think it's what I need to do to feel better about everything; myself, my choices, my life. And at home I don't have to worry about run-ins with people who inform the worlt hat they hate me, or be a part of an akward situation at work because I have no choice, or create any kind of akward situation anywhere.

My heart sank again tonight because I heard news of him. I miss him terribly. I've heard he's happier and smiling again and I can only hope that things are going better and that makes me happy for them. I wish he'd talk to me but I can understand why he wouldn't. It's just getting over it, you know? THat's all it is. I'm good until I hear news. It still stinks a bit, but it's what has to be and that's what I've said since the beginning. Whatever has to happen will.

So yea, I"m done now. Just a little sad, a little low, and in need of belonging somewhere.