Home . . .
I have never had a stable life, not saying that there are not people out there worse off then me, but I have never had a home. I know when people ask, I say Pittsburgh, but that is more of a copout so I can avoid the facing the truth that I’ve never had a home. Sure my parents and my extended family make me feel like I have had a home when I’m with them, but many of you have lived in one or two places and in all honesty, I am jealous of you. Since I've started elementary school I have moved six times, never living in a single place for more then five years. I don’t think I ever learned to deal with people that long. When I have moved I have adapted to the local culture to fit in and make friends. As the years past, I strain relationships and push my friends away slowly. Then I reach a point when I just want to move and start over new to run from my past. Time and Time again, I think that I have finally become comfortable with people and places to stay in one place, though people change, life changes, and I get hurt, finding it easier to run then to try to work through any problems that most likely I have created myself foolishly. As a defense mechanism for me to start closing myself off to the people I really care about since I feel I have loss some much already in the past year. I hurt you before you can hurt me. I think I have reached this frustrating point again. You all have been great friends to me, and have helped shape my life. I am sorry for my shortcomings and how I can be petty and selfish. I seem to only set my sights on short term goals and accomplishing those, since I’ve never been a single place long enough to worry about the long term relationships. I know I have a year and a half until I finish my graduate degree and then I’m out of Dayton. I hope to make the best with all my current friends for the next year and half, and it will be sad to leave you all, but perhaps it is my destiny to never have a place where I feel completely comfortable and like I am at home.