[what is this.. a poster?]
SALUTATIONS.
MY WALLET (with a photo of myself as a lad, yes)
CONTACT: (xxx)xxx-xxxx
God knows you're out there and he'll send your little dick to Hell if you don't return it. But if you so happen to be a very lovely person who had found it, and would love to do something charitable for Lent, please give me a call. I would be delighted to take my wallet back. In addition, I will give humanity another chance despite the prior grievance.