I fall behind
To my friends who read this, I apologize that I have been lax in my posting and checking of lj. I'm working on getting better, and hopefully more consistent updates will be coming :)
I reached my goal weight last week on Wednesday (I've been doing weight watchers, and it's been helping remarkably). As of last Wednesday, I've lost a total of 17 lbs in 10 weeks. Maybe it seems slow to some people, but the thing is, when one is losing weight, it is not only healthier for your body (to adjust itself) but it's more permanent. The longer it takes to lose the weight, the healthier and longer that it'll stay off. Hehe I'm just really excited about it, and wanted to share :)
My sister left for college about a week ago now, and she's still adjusting. Poor girl, she hates change so much, and is such a control freak, trying to keep everything the way she wants it...that she absolutely just breaks down and can't quite function under such a big change that's out of her control. She's gone to a year-round tech school in AZ, and is hopefully doing better since I heard from her yesterday.
My fish are talking to me.
Angelic Romeo and I have been doing a lot of talking, and our relationship (though we are in two different towns now) is doing much better...or at least, in my eyes it is. He took a large stone off my shoulder about two weeks ago, and he's holding true to what he said. For that, I love him even more. I miss him, I really miss him, but we're doing well nonetheless.
I went shopping with my sister before she left for college, and my closet has been cleaned out very thoroughly. Those of you who see me wearing new clothes, know that while I'm loving them, I'm also a little nervous, they're out of my usual range of t-shirts, sweatshirts, and all things baggy.
My job is going well. I despise working when customers are in your face for whatever reason, but I just keep thinking to myself that it's helping me to relearn patience and to keep my head (my temper's a little hotter than usual, thanks to my fire-oriented boyfriend). I'm remembering how to draw strength from my energy, and ground myself again. Until a few months ago, when I had it with myself and the ways I'd been acting, I hadn't realized that I had all but forgotten how to connect deeper within myself.Or at least, forgotten the depth of how I could do it.
On a side note of my not-so-organized rambling...I do not think I am so much as broken, as more of rediscovering who I am, and relearning how to express who I am. The words "fixing" and "mending" and "healing" are just so much easier to use to describe what I am putting myself through. "Renewal" "remembrance" "relearning" are more accurate descriptions. Just wanted to clear that up a little.
One of the things I think that helped me lose control over my energies and my sense of self was a gift from a friend about four, almost five years ago. It was a pendant, and I connected to it right away (it's labradorite...one of the minerals I've discovered I connect and can channel with very well). I'd wear it everywhere, all the time. I recognize now, that that period of my life when I was wearing it all the time was when I was most connected to who I am, and it was the time when I was most connected to my own energies, as well as others' around me. I believe I became dependent on it, and after the pendant broke three times (still is from the third) I think I lost a sense of who I was, piece by piece through each break. I do not place any blame on it entirely, a good part of my loss of self is my own fault. I just feel that I became too dependent on a tool, and it had to break (not once, but three times) for me to get the idea. The pendant is still not fixed, after having broken for the third time last summer. I am not going to fix it. It's not in any offense from one friend to another about a gift, but because the period in my life where I was so connected to it that I became dependent on it, is over.
I've heard before that when one person gives to another, the gift comes with a stronger power than a person would recieve, had they bought it for themselves. The power can be anything, whether it's love or energy, good or bad. It is something to be aware of, maybe even to have caution of, but I believe it to be true. For me, the pendant was an energized gift given out of love, which quickly became rooted inside me, and I unknowingly let it take over. Love can come out in many forms...depending on the perspective, good or bad. I feel that if I am to work with energies, I must learn to work with them by myself without the use of anything else, partly beacuse I do not want to become dependent on a tool again, and partly because I need to learn to do it using only myself.