Concerta-ed efforts

Feb 18, 2019 00:02

A friend of mine retweeting an ADHD-related reminded me said friend started a conversation on fb with me about having recently been diagnosed with ADHD some months back. (Obviously, one of us got distracted. In this case, him. Message I sent: "So, your ADHD tweet reminded me of this conversation. We should continue it! How are you?")

He'd said back then -- late November -- that he'd been taking Concerta, the ADHD meds I was on longest. (I always thought they were making feel suicidal, but doctors didn't seem that sure of. And about a year ago, one of the friends I accumulated who got an ADHD diagnosis in late twenties casually mentioned that when she'd tried it it made her feel like she wanted to die/kill herself every evening, and didn't know how I'd managed to go on with it for so many years.) He'd thought it seemed positive at the time. But now he's finding it harder. An evening-based anti-depressant he's taking helps with the evening tail off a bit. The daily come-down. Which at first makes you irritable and ... inconsistent. Before trailing into a state that's not quite suicidal. I mean, "suicidal" has sort of some of the elements associated with it. He described "very heightened anxiety-stuff". I call it "despair".

"It's not quite deliberate suicidal, as much as reckless 'what's the fucking point' response to any decision or observation". Whenever I talk about this stuff or think about how much this at a vulnerable, developing time warped me (and I knew it was, I told K at the time it was), I just feel really sad. And vulnerable. It's hard. And this is the sort of thing you can't ever really talk about. (And's the big reason I get uncomfortable when people talk about how great meds are. Not that I ever want to say anyone shouldn't take meds.) Maybe someday I'll work out a way to process this, to be less sad. Maybe I don't want to feel it less, I guess?

drugs

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