O Brother
I've been M.I.A. lately, I guess. I've just been busy with end-of-the-year shit, as has everyone else, I suppose. I suppose the only two things I'm looking forward to right now are Tuesday, considering it's the last day of school, and the 28th, since that's when I'm flying out to New Hampshire for a good month before flying out to Michigan for another month, and then coming back to New Hampshire to drive back down to Florida with my sister and her family, but not my brother and his girlfriend. More on that later.
I got my classes for next year, and I'm pretty excited about them:
Basically, I'm pretty excited about this. I've heard mixed things about math analysis from people in it, but I'm sure that I can deal for one semester before graduating. I have to take English IV online this summer or fall semester, because I need one full English credit senior year, and if I graduate a semester early, then I won't be here to get the full credit any other way. It's no big deal.
Okay, so back to the subject of my brother. He had my grandma take money out of his college account (because it's not like he's going to college anytime soon) so that him and his girlfriend could relocate to Florida with my sister and her family. I come to find out today, that he apparently spent most/all of that money on drugs, and not just weed. Cocaine, ecstasy, crystal meth, and other stuff. Good choice, Davin! And that's not all! His girlfriend is pregnant, too! I'm sure that baby's going to come out mutated, considering I don't think Ashley could give up her pipe, her cigarettes, or her bottle of wine for her own life, let alone a baby's. Yep, this makes my stomach churn, but it's bound to happen. They're one of the most immature "adults" I've ever known, and it's horrible that they're in my own family. I love them, but they're fucking dumb.
It's not like I can talk to him, either. He doesn't have a phone, and we're not even quite sure where he's living. Somewhere in downtown Nashua, but we're not sure where. I'm worried about him, especially since nothing I say matters to him. I don't even matter to him, his little brother that he says he would do anything for. His little brother that always helped him out when he was younger. His little brother who never ratted him out when he was doing something wrong. I think I just want him to get arrested and have to go to jail for a year or so. He needs it, he really does, and it truely hurts me to say that, because I love him so much. It was so obvious, too. And I chose to believe that he was getting better, and getting his life on track. I'm disappointed. They're so goddamn fucking selfish. So selfish.
I'm really nervous about going to New Hampshire, too. I'm going to Sky Show, I guess, with my sister and brother-in-law, along with him and Ashley, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I see him. Whenever things like this happen, I explode and get into a huge screaming match with him, and he either walks out of the room or hangs up the phone, depending on what's going on. It's hurting my mom, too. I know she doesn't try to blame herself, but I imagine (even though she says she doesn't) she wonders if she had anything to do with it. She didn't. She really didn't. My brother and I both had an ideal childhood. We weren't spoiled, but we had everything we needed, and many things we wanted. We both went to the same schools (besides Merrimack High for my brother, but that's after his trouble started), and I guess that's where it started. He fell in with a bad crowd, and I just didn't fall in with a crowd. I guess that's why I grew up the way I did, I didn't really have any friends until I was a freshmen, so it would be rather hard to get in trouble while not having any friends.
I was always jealous of him, too. Everyone always loved him. Everyone. They all used to know him and talk about him around school, and no one would say anything to me. People used to come up to me and ask me about my brother, even though they've never, not once, asked me about myself. I'm jealous. I'm angry. I'm disappointed.
I can't believe he would just pour everything he has down the drain. He's a smart kid, he's just obviously confused. He's a social butterfly, he knows how to get on everyone's good-side if he wants to. He has everything I always wanted when I was growing up, but never had, and he's just fucking that all up. He had so much going for him, and now it's all fucking gone. Why can't he just be fucking grateful for once? Why can't anyone?
Fucking give me this, give me that. That's all I hear. People fucking can't give. People can't fucking stop thinking about how they can get rid of their own problems. People can't think that their decisions really do have effects on others. Especially people who care about them.
I really don't know how I'm going to confront him. I don't know what to do.
Poll
I don't know what to do. I'm going to get off the subject. I'm waking up at 8 am tomorrow to go swimming with Gaby and Ryan again. Possibly Lindsay if we can contact her/convince her mom to let her go. I'm going to wear sunblock this time, too! Hopefully I won't come home tomorrow afternoon bright red like I did last Saturday.
Happy Birthday to Meghan and Sonia. :)
I got my classes for next year, and I'm pretty excited about them:
- Drama II
- AP English Language
- Math Analysis/Trig
- Band
- AP Biology
- Chemistry Honors
Basically, I'm pretty excited about this. I've heard mixed things about math analysis from people in it, but I'm sure that I can deal for one semester before graduating. I have to take English IV online this summer or fall semester, because I need one full English credit senior year, and if I graduate a semester early, then I won't be here to get the full credit any other way. It's no big deal.
Okay, so back to the subject of my brother. He had my grandma take money out of his college account (because it's not like he's going to college anytime soon) so that him and his girlfriend could relocate to Florida with my sister and her family. I come to find out today, that he apparently spent most/all of that money on drugs, and not just weed. Cocaine, ecstasy, crystal meth, and other stuff. Good choice, Davin! And that's not all! His girlfriend is pregnant, too! I'm sure that baby's going to come out mutated, considering I don't think Ashley could give up her pipe, her cigarettes, or her bottle of wine for her own life, let alone a baby's. Yep, this makes my stomach churn, but it's bound to happen. They're one of the most immature "adults" I've ever known, and it's horrible that they're in my own family. I love them, but they're fucking dumb.
It's not like I can talk to him, either. He doesn't have a phone, and we're not even quite sure where he's living. Somewhere in downtown Nashua, but we're not sure where. I'm worried about him, especially since nothing I say matters to him. I don't even matter to him, his little brother that he says he would do anything for. His little brother that always helped him out when he was younger. His little brother who never ratted him out when he was doing something wrong. I think I just want him to get arrested and have to go to jail for a year or so. He needs it, he really does, and it truely hurts me to say that, because I love him so much. It was so obvious, too. And I chose to believe that he was getting better, and getting his life on track. I'm disappointed. They're so goddamn fucking selfish. So selfish.
I'm really nervous about going to New Hampshire, too. I'm going to Sky Show, I guess, with my sister and brother-in-law, along with him and Ashley, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I see him. Whenever things like this happen, I explode and get into a huge screaming match with him, and he either walks out of the room or hangs up the phone, depending on what's going on. It's hurting my mom, too. I know she doesn't try to blame herself, but I imagine (even though she says she doesn't) she wonders if she had anything to do with it. She didn't. She really didn't. My brother and I both had an ideal childhood. We weren't spoiled, but we had everything we needed, and many things we wanted. We both went to the same schools (besides Merrimack High for my brother, but that's after his trouble started), and I guess that's where it started. He fell in with a bad crowd, and I just didn't fall in with a crowd. I guess that's why I grew up the way I did, I didn't really have any friends until I was a freshmen, so it would be rather hard to get in trouble while not having any friends.
I was always jealous of him, too. Everyone always loved him. Everyone. They all used to know him and talk about him around school, and no one would say anything to me. People used to come up to me and ask me about my brother, even though they've never, not once, asked me about myself. I'm jealous. I'm angry. I'm disappointed.
I can't believe he would just pour everything he has down the drain. He's a smart kid, he's just obviously confused. He's a social butterfly, he knows how to get on everyone's good-side if he wants to. He has everything I always wanted when I was growing up, but never had, and he's just fucking that all up. He had so much going for him, and now it's all fucking gone. Why can't he just be fucking grateful for once? Why can't anyone?
Fucking give me this, give me that. That's all I hear. People fucking can't give. People can't fucking stop thinking about how they can get rid of their own problems. People can't think that their decisions really do have effects on others. Especially people who care about them.
I really don't know how I'm going to confront him. I don't know what to do.
Poll
I don't know what to do. I'm going to get off the subject. I'm waking up at 8 am tomorrow to go swimming with Gaby and Ryan again. Possibly Lindsay if we can contact her/convince her mom to let her go. I'm going to wear sunblock this time, too! Hopefully I won't come home tomorrow afternoon bright red like I did last Saturday.
Happy Birthday to Meghan and Sonia. :)