the summer after graduation
a summary...
this lj content is shallow shallow shallow. in the past several years, I have gradually given up on actually engaging with other people on any kind of emotional level. why bother? it's so much work. i have so much cynicism towards these connections. Even writing this is making me slightly cringe. I want to be there again, but I'm slightly disgusted by the self centeredness that this generates. Posting anything like this, in turn, feel hypocritical. Well, if you want less of that, read the other one: http://abluegreenaura.blogspot.com/ It's critically edited for content (and, as a result, rarely has content). This lj originated as my more realistic and disaffected journal, so it can stay that way.
Then, the last several months, I have determined several things: First of all, I miss people. Not people in general, just people I have previously known. If you are reading this and you know me, you can probably assume you are one of the above mentioned. I'm not really sure what to do with this urge to reconnect except a couple of wall posts on facebook, but I can't shake the feeling that I let some opportunities to really know some cool people slip through the cracks. Finally, I have determined that the shallow emotional melodrama is underrated, but, like I said, it feels very old and is difficult to tolerate, even thought I want it (back?).
So I try to will myself into whatever that college freshman/sophomore feeling was, and actually, it's quite unpleasant, so should probably stop that... which brings me to now. I'm not very proud of myself for graduating from college with a 3.5 and four years of work history. It seems extremely mediocre, and I'm suddenly faced with the reality that really, that's probably the middle and end of the story.
I also read Wicked, which seemed very sad.
this lj content is shallow shallow shallow. in the past several years, I have gradually given up on actually engaging with other people on any kind of emotional level. why bother? it's so much work. i have so much cynicism towards these connections. Even writing this is making me slightly cringe. I want to be there again, but I'm slightly disgusted by the self centeredness that this generates. Posting anything like this, in turn, feel hypocritical. Well, if you want less of that, read the other one: http://abluegreenaura.blogspot.com/ It's critically edited for content (and, as a result, rarely has content). This lj originated as my more realistic and disaffected journal, so it can stay that way.
Then, the last several months, I have determined several things: First of all, I miss people. Not people in general, just people I have previously known. If you are reading this and you know me, you can probably assume you are one of the above mentioned. I'm not really sure what to do with this urge to reconnect except a couple of wall posts on facebook, but I can't shake the feeling that I let some opportunities to really know some cool people slip through the cracks. Finally, I have determined that the shallow emotional melodrama is underrated, but, like I said, it feels very old and is difficult to tolerate, even thought I want it (back?).
So I try to will myself into whatever that college freshman/sophomore feeling was, and actually, it's quite unpleasant, so should probably stop that... which brings me to now. I'm not very proud of myself for graduating from college with a 3.5 and four years of work history. It seems extremely mediocre, and I'm suddenly faced with the reality that really, that's probably the middle and end of the story.
I also read Wicked, which seemed very sad.