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[e_m_k]

My Great Aunt Jane passed away recently. My Dad's Father, who is my last living Grandparent and is currently using my Dad's basement as an apartment, was her older brother by a few years. He's now in his nineties, but still pretty coherent, healthy and well-functioning. I know this will be difficult for him, but my Great Aunt has been mentally

Comments

[gnat]

I think I might know where you're coming from; kind of like being trapped and you're the keeper of the key to your own salvation and the only real consequence of setting yourself free is to succeed but all you end up doing is staring at yourself, your key, your salvation. And you fall back to what you know because what you know has become what you do but what you do isn't all of who you are and there's a crisis of conscience between doing what you need to do to stay true to yourself - to be authentic, to become who you know yourself to be - and what you do to keep yourself afloat which inevitably brings you down a path of its own which you never designed or intended and it's not a necessarily bad path to go down (in fact some people would be envious) but you're wondering if you'll feel the same way in 5, 10, 20 years when you'll be coming back to where you are now, evaluating your life, staring at yourself, but maybe by this time you'll have other things in your life that you didn't have to think about before and have to consider, and maybe those things factor in you're salvation, maybe not, but they're there.

For all the time I spend to find myself, to get to know myself, to figure out my own path in life, I certainly feel like I've squandered it all by not having enacted on it.

And if it's any consolation, I'd much rather be in you're position with something to show for it rather than where I am now and having all the time in the world to think and do but not really doing either and instead am just ignoring life and remaining in this seemingly-permanent state of self-depravity.
And it only took a half an hour just to come up with this response, after having stared at this entry for a few days.

If you ever need a sounding board, I'm (clearly) available!