How ethnic strife should be resolved
Did anyone see that odd video footage from the Australian Open (of tennis)? People reported to have been Serbs and Bosniaks were shown in an outdoor area (maybe near concession stands). They got into an argument that apparently peaked with each camp throwing resin chairs at the other.
When I saw this, I did what would have been done by anyone fortunate enough to have grown up without centuries-old hatreds being a central, defining part of my life: I rolled my eyes and muttered something to the effect of "those darn Balkans," and chuckled at the inherent goofiness of a pitched battle being fought with airborne patio furniture (always to be confused with Paddy O'Furniture, if you remember Judy Tenuta).
Then it hit me. This is how all ethnic disputes should be settled: Get everyone with a grudge to gather at a food court and begin chucking whatever's available. Things would be arranged in advance, of course, so only resin or something even less dangerous can be used. When it's all over, everyone can go home and show off all of her/his scratches and red marks, maintaining that you should have seen the other gal/guy (and maybe you could, because there would be security camera footage that would surely end up on YouTube), and enjoy the complimentary item provided by the food court that is within one's cultural and dietary restrictions. If what was being fought over was territory, the land would be placed under international control and the hostile parties living there would be given jobs making new resin chairs.
You're welcome.
When I saw this, I did what would have been done by anyone fortunate enough to have grown up without centuries-old hatreds being a central, defining part of my life: I rolled my eyes and muttered something to the effect of "those darn Balkans," and chuckled at the inherent goofiness of a pitched battle being fought with airborne patio furniture (always to be confused with Paddy O'Furniture, if you remember Judy Tenuta).
Then it hit me. This is how all ethnic disputes should be settled: Get everyone with a grudge to gather at a food court and begin chucking whatever's available. Things would be arranged in advance, of course, so only resin or something even less dangerous can be used. When it's all over, everyone can go home and show off all of her/his scratches and red marks, maintaining that you should have seen the other gal/guy (and maybe you could, because there would be security camera footage that would surely end up on YouTube), and enjoy the complimentary item provided by the food court that is within one's cultural and dietary restrictions. If what was being fought over was territory, the land would be placed under international control and the hostile parties living there would be given jobs making new resin chairs.
You're welcome.