(no subject)
so i just recently remembered that i used to have a livejournal
i was laying awake the other night stressing
and thinking "i wish i had somewhere i could write this all down and get it out of my head"
then i remembered that i used to do that here
funny
i was just looking over my last few posts
from when i was still positively glowing about the new-amazing-fun-craziness that is college
i was such a cheeseball
i was reading my friends what i wrote about them and how much i loved them at the beginning
and they laughed at me
i really think i was just so positively shocked that i could make friends
and that these cute fun girls were willing to hang out with me
that i couldn't stop gushing about it
the thing i like about livejournal is that it like, brings you back
you can just sit and read and go "oh my god i had completely forgotten about that"
but you immediately remember everything clear as day
my life was such a rollercoaster there for a while
it's interesting to like
see the changes i went through
right there in print in front of me
it makes you realize that nothing is static
everything is always changing
and no matter how big something seems
or how intense an emotion is
or what a complete mess life feels like
you will always get through it
feelings will fade
things work themselves out
and eventually you make peace with the past
i suppose that's comforting
but in a way it's sad because it makes you realize
that it is all so meaningless
it's as if we just have feelings to keep ourselves distracted from the fact that none of it matters
i really think i'm beginning to come to terms with that though
and i don't say it in a depressing nihlistic way
it just is what it is
and i'm at a point in my life where i have discovered that i'm not going to be famous
i'm not going to change the world
and the things that happen in my life are simply what happens in everyones lives
it's sort of a relief to have that kind of self-induced pressure off your shoulders
to know that drama is entertaining, life is fun, and being self-absorbed is gloriously satisfactory
but when all is said and done, your life was yours and you never needed to live it for anyone but yourself
because when it's over it's over and people forget and the world keeps moving when you're not in it anymore
jeez, i forgot how theraputic this is
look at me just throwing random thoughts down
do i make sense? no. but it's out of my head now.
like a pensieve (what's up harry potter reference)
so anyway, i suppose i'd better update on my life
just in case there is anyone with any chance of reading this
hmm... well since my posts from the first few weeks of school...
i am not dating that boy anymore
it lasted up until halloween
but it pretty much did come down to the fact that it had NO substance
oh and he wasn't THAT cute
like not at all
and he was pretty stupid
and pretty uncool
(i'm not saying this out of bitterness, things ended mutually and he was always very nice...)
i never seem to realize at the time though that these boys are just... losers
(ahem orey ahem)
ohhh well, you live and learn
the good news (sortof) is that there is a boyfriend-type figure in my life
if that can be considered good news?
my friend ryan from waaay back when
(4th grade boyfriend, oldest friend, dated on an off until we both moved freshman year of h.s.)
we started talking allll the time towards the end of summer and all fall
and he came to visit me right before halloween
(notice me and zane broke up about a week later... i would like to think the two events were unrelated?)
ryan and i hadn't seen each other in over 2 years
and it was the best weekend ever... we were just perfectly perfect
sooo i've pretty much been in love with this boy who lives in florida and goes to school in st. louis for the past 5 months
this is not me being stupid in love erin, i promise
this guy is perfect
and i guess i knew it all along
(i have been romantically involved with him sporadically for the past 10 years)
but aside from the fact that we NEVER see each other
things are really good
he's not my boyfriend, because that would just be stupid
but we are in nearly constant communication
and we're just good enough friends and old enough friends that we just know
we love each other and maybe someday things will work out
but for now we just have to be ok with phone convos and visits when possible
and i am ok with that
it's really nice to have someone who thinks of you
and loves you no matter what
and listens to every mundane detail of life
and understands it
it's nice to be in love, even if it's not the best of circumstances
i know this all sounds pathetic and odd, but it's just, good
i went to visit him the weekend before valentine's day
and i won't get into details
but it was just the most incredible weekend of my life
getting a glimpse of what life would be like if i could be with him always
it just gave us that much more of a reason to keep loving one another
because it would be worth the wait to be able to eventually have what we had for that weekend
we're gonna get married someday... quote me on this because i am dead set in thinking it
we are gonna get married
this isn't me being psycho either, me and ry talk about it pretty casually and we've worked out all the details
yea... creepy i know, we're losers
anyway seriously enough of that erin
i'm such a cheese
other updates...
i'm the worst sorority girl ever
i like my house i guess
but i never ended up befriending any of my "sisters"
and i just hang out with my friends from my hall and other girls that i've gotten to know
so there's no motivation for me to participate
at all
the girls in my house are really cool and seem like they could be fun friends
but it just never happened you know?
oooh well, it's like the saying
"you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink"
i tried the sorority thing, but i guess i should have known i would never get really into being a sorority girl
oh yea, and i got really bad grades first semester
i slacked real bad and my rents were not happy
soo i'm working a little harder this semester
but believe me i'm still getting in a great deal of partying
i'm at a place where i'm seeing the same people out all the time now
instead of hitting up random ass parties every weekend
it's nice... i'm more the type of person that enjoys personal gatherings
not huge wild parties full of randos
but OU is still really lame about drinking and partying and everything else
it's like, they really don't want this to be a college town
sorry OUPD, i'm still gonna be wasted every weekend, so there
in other news, my original roomie moved out after about a month of living with me
her and my suite mate packed up and got a room together
so then i got a second roommate and she moved to an apartment after christmas
what is wrong with me, hahaha
so now my single room is SUCH a mess and it's funny
and gross
but i looove having the place to myself
christmas break consisted of me sleeping and not leaving my house
honestly i just holed up in there after finals and didn't get out of my pj's for a solid month
except when i went up to OKC for a little while to play with friends
and when they came to Dallas for new years
spring break i spent in grand cayman with the fam
again, relaxing
no partying, just soaking up sun for a week on the beach next to my rents
gooooooood times
anyway
my brain is starting to shut off
i'm sleepy
maybe i'll keep this up
maybe not
you never know
but just for the record
things are good
that's pretty much all i have to say about that
i'm satisfied... which is more than enough for this girl
i was laying awake the other night stressing
and thinking "i wish i had somewhere i could write this all down and get it out of my head"
then i remembered that i used to do that here
funny
i was just looking over my last few posts
from when i was still positively glowing about the new-amazing-fun-craziness that is college
i was such a cheeseball
i was reading my friends what i wrote about them and how much i loved them at the beginning
and they laughed at me
i really think i was just so positively shocked that i could make friends
and that these cute fun girls were willing to hang out with me
that i couldn't stop gushing about it
the thing i like about livejournal is that it like, brings you back
you can just sit and read and go "oh my god i had completely forgotten about that"
but you immediately remember everything clear as day
my life was such a rollercoaster there for a while
it's interesting to like
see the changes i went through
right there in print in front of me
it makes you realize that nothing is static
everything is always changing
and no matter how big something seems
or how intense an emotion is
or what a complete mess life feels like
you will always get through it
feelings will fade
things work themselves out
and eventually you make peace with the past
i suppose that's comforting
but in a way it's sad because it makes you realize
that it is all so meaningless
it's as if we just have feelings to keep ourselves distracted from the fact that none of it matters
i really think i'm beginning to come to terms with that though
and i don't say it in a depressing nihlistic way
it just is what it is
and i'm at a point in my life where i have discovered that i'm not going to be famous
i'm not going to change the world
and the things that happen in my life are simply what happens in everyones lives
it's sort of a relief to have that kind of self-induced pressure off your shoulders
to know that drama is entertaining, life is fun, and being self-absorbed is gloriously satisfactory
but when all is said and done, your life was yours and you never needed to live it for anyone but yourself
because when it's over it's over and people forget and the world keeps moving when you're not in it anymore
jeez, i forgot how theraputic this is
look at me just throwing random thoughts down
do i make sense? no. but it's out of my head now.
like a pensieve (what's up harry potter reference)
so anyway, i suppose i'd better update on my life
just in case there is anyone with any chance of reading this
hmm... well since my posts from the first few weeks of school...
i am not dating that boy anymore
it lasted up until halloween
but it pretty much did come down to the fact that it had NO substance
oh and he wasn't THAT cute
like not at all
and he was pretty stupid
and pretty uncool
(i'm not saying this out of bitterness, things ended mutually and he was always very nice...)
i never seem to realize at the time though that these boys are just... losers
(ahem orey ahem)
ohhh well, you live and learn
the good news (sortof) is that there is a boyfriend-type figure in my life
if that can be considered good news?
my friend ryan from waaay back when
(4th grade boyfriend, oldest friend, dated on an off until we both moved freshman year of h.s.)
we started talking allll the time towards the end of summer and all fall
and he came to visit me right before halloween
(notice me and zane broke up about a week later... i would like to think the two events were unrelated?)
ryan and i hadn't seen each other in over 2 years
and it was the best weekend ever... we were just perfectly perfect
sooo i've pretty much been in love with this boy who lives in florida and goes to school in st. louis for the past 5 months
this is not me being stupid in love erin, i promise
this guy is perfect
and i guess i knew it all along
(i have been romantically involved with him sporadically for the past 10 years)
but aside from the fact that we NEVER see each other
things are really good
he's not my boyfriend, because that would just be stupid
but we are in nearly constant communication
and we're just good enough friends and old enough friends that we just know
we love each other and maybe someday things will work out
but for now we just have to be ok with phone convos and visits when possible
and i am ok with that
it's really nice to have someone who thinks of you
and loves you no matter what
and listens to every mundane detail of life
and understands it
it's nice to be in love, even if it's not the best of circumstances
i know this all sounds pathetic and odd, but it's just, good
i went to visit him the weekend before valentine's day
and i won't get into details
but it was just the most incredible weekend of my life
getting a glimpse of what life would be like if i could be with him always
it just gave us that much more of a reason to keep loving one another
because it would be worth the wait to be able to eventually have what we had for that weekend
we're gonna get married someday... quote me on this because i am dead set in thinking it
we are gonna get married
this isn't me being psycho either, me and ry talk about it pretty casually and we've worked out all the details
yea... creepy i know, we're losers
anyway seriously enough of that erin
i'm such a cheese
other updates...
i'm the worst sorority girl ever
i like my house i guess
but i never ended up befriending any of my "sisters"
and i just hang out with my friends from my hall and other girls that i've gotten to know
so there's no motivation for me to participate
at all
the girls in my house are really cool and seem like they could be fun friends
but it just never happened you know?
oooh well, it's like the saying
"you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink"
i tried the sorority thing, but i guess i should have known i would never get really into being a sorority girl
oh yea, and i got really bad grades first semester
i slacked real bad and my rents were not happy
soo i'm working a little harder this semester
but believe me i'm still getting in a great deal of partying
i'm at a place where i'm seeing the same people out all the time now
instead of hitting up random ass parties every weekend
it's nice... i'm more the type of person that enjoys personal gatherings
not huge wild parties full of randos
but OU is still really lame about drinking and partying and everything else
it's like, they really don't want this to be a college town
sorry OUPD, i'm still gonna be wasted every weekend, so there
in other news, my original roomie moved out after about a month of living with me
her and my suite mate packed up and got a room together
so then i got a second roommate and she moved to an apartment after christmas
what is wrong with me, hahaha
so now my single room is SUCH a mess and it's funny
and gross
but i looove having the place to myself
christmas break consisted of me sleeping and not leaving my house
honestly i just holed up in there after finals and didn't get out of my pj's for a solid month
except when i went up to OKC for a little while to play with friends
and when they came to Dallas for new years
spring break i spent in grand cayman with the fam
again, relaxing
no partying, just soaking up sun for a week on the beach next to my rents
gooooooood times
anyway
my brain is starting to shut off
i'm sleepy
maybe i'll keep this up
maybe not
you never know
but just for the record
things are good
that's pretty much all i have to say about that
i'm satisfied... which is more than enough for this girl