Disappointment is the worst feeling ever
So I'm finally back in the States, and all that jazz. It was quite the interesting trip, everything seems to be falling apart in my life right now. When I arrived home, I decided to send Catherine an e-mail telling her why I was upset during the weekend. I asked her about it last night and she had told me she read it, but when asked if there was anything to talk about, she replied, "not really". Now I regret sending that e-mail, and feel like a complete jerk about it. I wasn't attacking her character, or said anything mean. I just explained that it was awkward how she left me and her bf alone at a laser tag place with other friends, and that I felt stupid seeing Michelle at dinner. Also, Sunday we were supposed to go out and see the cherry blossoms at the park before I was to get to the airport, which never happened. So I told her I had been upset about that, and it hurt. I was hoping that she would want to discuss these things, or something. /sigh. I swear I wasn't trying to come off as an asshole.
I also told my dad that there may be a chance I'm moving out in August. His response to that, "Ok. See ya". I know that I've complained about him not caring, or whatever. But, c'mon. Some sort of interest would be comforting. It just feels like he's upset with me or something. I can't really explain it. Feels almost like, disappointment. And, that my friends, is THE worst feeling you can get. Nothing like someone being disappointed in you to make you feel like shit for awhile.
I'm just... exhausted physically, and mentally. I can't stop thinking about Chrissy; I'm worried about whether or not I can attend the school (unable to get the student loan, unable to get a study visa, not being accepted); I'm worried about Catherine hating my guts. All of these things, including how my parents feel about me, has made me feel like shit for the past few days. Sometimes I think about just giving up, but the peptalk I had with Chrissy makes me believe that there is some sort of light at the end of this dark tunnel I call life. I envy her optimism at times. /sigh. It's been3 days, and I miss her already.
Here are some pix from last weekend... http://s21.photobucket.com/albums/b266/XEikichiX/Canada-Mar/
I also told my dad that there may be a chance I'm moving out in August. His response to that, "Ok. See ya". I know that I've complained about him not caring, or whatever. But, c'mon. Some sort of interest would be comforting. It just feels like he's upset with me or something. I can't really explain it. Feels almost like, disappointment. And, that my friends, is THE worst feeling you can get. Nothing like someone being disappointed in you to make you feel like shit for awhile.
I'm just... exhausted physically, and mentally. I can't stop thinking about Chrissy; I'm worried about whether or not I can attend the school (unable to get the student loan, unable to get a study visa, not being accepted); I'm worried about Catherine hating my guts. All of these things, including how my parents feel about me, has made me feel like shit for the past few days. Sometimes I think about just giving up, but the peptalk I had with Chrissy makes me believe that there is some sort of light at the end of this dark tunnel I call life. I envy her optimism at times. /sigh. It's been3 days, and I miss her already.
Here are some pix from last weekend... http://s21.photobucket.com/albums/b266/XEikichiX/Canada-Mar/