The Work
"The work is with me when I wake up in the morning; it is with me while I eat my breakfast in bed and run through the newspaper, while I shave and bathe and dress."
~ C.S. Forester
Sometimes people ask me if I’ve considered making a career out of my writing, and I always lie. I say no. Why? Because if I say yes, the next question is always the same…Why don’t I?
I’m not someone who would be described by anyone I’ve ever met as timid or uncertain, but where writing is concerned, I am. Writing scares the hell out of me. I love it, and I hate it. It is my constant companion, despite sometimes leaving me feeling abandoned. Somehow, it’s a blessing and a burden all at the same time. I see novelists younger than me being published everyday, some of whom have less writing ability. (You’ll note I don’t say “talent”. Talent, like beauty, is in the beholder.) I find myself thinking, “I could do so much better”, except that…I don’t.
You see, I’m afraid of what might happen if I finally finish a novel, or a screen play, or even a graphic novel. What if, after finally overcoming the one thing that holds me back, I discover that there’s no market for my work, or I can’t get my foot in the publisher’s door, or, worse, I’m not as good as I think I am?
I know, I know. If I let fear of failure stop me, I have already failed. The simple fact is that I am generally content in my life as a hobby writer. Would I rather write full-time? Maybe. Am I going to agonize about every moment spent plugging away in an office instead? No.
Anyhow, I’m not throwing my self-doubt out there just to bring everyone down. There are many wonderful writers on my f-list, and I wonder how you cope with this. Do you hope to someday make a career out of writing? What holds you back?