W&SFG Masters Highlights (1/2)
Since the reports were very time consuming and as a result rarely got finished, this year I bring you only highlights. Hopefully you will still find them entertaining. There will be photos and videos as well, but not for a while longer.
The Dayton airport is small compared to the Portland airport, and miniscule compared to the Cincinnati airport. Also, there was almost NO chance of running into anyone from the tournament. I hope we can go back to Cincinnati next year.
Our rental car was not a car at all, but a ridiculous SUV. It was the smallest thing they had, and if the windows hadn’t been darkly tinted, we had every intention of putting a sign in the back window that said, “It’s a rental. Our real car is a Chevy Aveo.” We kept having trouble finding it in parking lots, because our Portland-adapted brains simply wouldn’t let us accept that we were driving that monstrosity.
The new hotel is great, right across the highway from the players’ hotel, but still out of the way enough that our first night there I got utterly lost trying to find it again after we went to dinner. It was clean and had a pool and free breakfast. Also, inexplicably, porn. On our second night there I was flipping channels trying to find ESPN2 and we came across porn. It came and went, but still…porn. Plus, on our last day, there was a tournament car in the parking lot. Not too shabby.
The only bad hotel moment came on the second morning. We were awakened at approximately 7 am, a couple hours before we planned to be awake. Someone was knocking at our door, quietly, in a strange little pattern. Before I could even get fully upright, the knocking stopped. I was still reaching for my glasses when I heard the sound of a key card in the lock. The next thing we knew, someone was trying to open our door! Luckily, we had the security bar on, so it only opened a few inches. The door stayed open for a couple seconds, and then whoever was on the other side let go of it. It fell part of the way closed, but not completely. By then I was out of bed and headed for the door, but when I got there and looked out, they had gone. I even opened the door the rest of the way to look down the hall, but there was no sign of our would-be visitor. After we were up and dressed we went down to the hotel office to report it. They were sure it was housekeeping, at which point I expressed my displeasure that a) housekeeping would come by at 7am, b) that housekeeping would not announce themselves as such, and c) if it had been housekeeping, they failed to close our door and left quickly when they realized that the room was occupied. In the end, they changed our key cards and we didn’t have any more problems, but it was bit nerve wracking to leave anything important behind in our room for the rest of the week.
But enough about us. On to the tennis!
First Practice:
Carlos Moya and Nico Lapentti, on the first Friday, just before the Draw Party, on the Grandstand. Carlos didn’t stay for long, but Nico made it more than worthwhile. It was a great was to start, and we had no idea that Nico would stick around for as long as he did. After a whole year without them, having Carlos and Nico be first was like jumping into ice-cold water on a really hot day. Shocking, but very, very nice, and you get used it.
Hottest ATP Employee:
Fabrizio Sestini, tour manager. During the draw party, they kept having him announce the Italian players’ names (and Feliciano Lopez, for some wonderful reason, prompting my friend to say, “Um, I’m going to need to hear that again, only slower.”) and just hearing him say, “Bolelli Seppi” during the doubles draw ceremony was almost enough to make us root for them. Almost.
Most Likely to Make a Coach Cringe:
Gael Monfils, who ended his practice on the first Friday night by doing handstands, some one-handed. He then attempted “the worm”, but without success. Though Roger Rasheed smiled throughout, you could also hear his silent, “Oh God, oh God, oh God…”
Best Shorts:
Ivo Karlovic’s, which featured a small “6’10”” on the leg. Just in case he forgets, you know.
Most Likely to Pour Water Over His Head (And Nearly Kill Us Doing It):
A tie between Feliciano Lopez, who seems to do it for cosmetic reasons when his hair starts to bother him during practice, and Nico Lapentti, who just does it every chance he gets. During practice, before a match, during a match, after a match, he’s always whipping off his hat, dumping water over his hair, then putting the hat back on. (Wish he’d just leave the hat off, really.)
Spotted In Biggs:
Every year, it’s somebody. This year the best we could do was Luke Jensen, on the first Friday, who was at the self-checkout when we passed through. He seemed to be having some trouble with his credit card, which serves him right for being an ass all these years.
Luckiest Loser:
Arnaud Clement. First, he wasn’t ranked well enough to qualify. Then, due to withdrawals and other no-shows, he managed to get into the qualifiers, but lost in the second round. Then, due to more withdrawals, he got a place in the main draw as a lucky loser. He managed to get into the second round before the French Olympic exodus began and he finally lost, for the last time, to Ernests Gulbis.
Slashiest Moments:
The best slashy moment occured on the first Sunday, while we were watching Nico Lapentti practice, but it’s not what you think. Polish doubles players Mariusz Fyrstenberg and Marcin Matkowski came to practice on the next court over, and they brought with them Andre Sa. Sa greeted Nico’s coach, Enrique, from over the fence, then left the court to circle around so he could get closer. And get closer he did. He and Enrique embraced warmly, Enrique patting Sa on the back while Sa patted Enrique on the butt. Then Jose Acususo appeared as if from nowhere to join in on the Enrique love-fest. He got an embrace of his own, but took it a step further by kissing Enrique on the cheek. Before leaving the court, Enrique returned to Sa for a another hug, plus some extended hair ruffling.
If only Nico himself had gotten involved.
The second-best slashy moment happened on Monday morning. Mika Llodra was practicing with doubles partner Arnaud Clement on Center court. There was the usual amount of playful banter and teasing throughout. They were finishing up and had come to the net to shake hands when Mika leaned in as though he was going to kiss Arnaud…twice. The first time, he just hovered close to Arnaud’s face. The second, he looked like he might have actually gone for it, but Arnaud turned away, grinning. You have to love those Frenchies…until they abandon you, that it.
Best Autograph: (It’s not about the autograph itself, it’s how much fun you have getting it.)
Mine - Mariusz Fyrstenberg. Upon seeing my Polish flag, he lit up. “I like that!” he cried. After signing the flag, he turned to Andre Sa, who was leaving the practice court with him. “Look at me!” he crowed, waving the flag around. “Look at me and my flag!” Sa merely laughed and shook his head.
Best (and Oddest) Odd Couple:
Mariusz Fyrstenberg and Andre Sa. Not only did Sa join Mariusz and partner Marcin during a couple of their practices, but we also saw them hanging out together outside of practice. A notable instance includes the doubles draw “party”. Marcin was there on his own to participate in the draw itself, but toward the end, we noticed Mariusz and Sa standing at the back of the tent. They were giggling and whispering back and forth, obviously enjoying Marcin’s discomfort at being the center of attention.
Best Practice:
Mario Ancic with coach, Fredrik, and Paul-Henri Mathieu with Mats Wilander. First, you have Mario, who is beautiful, then you have Paul-Henri, who is a big French dork, and you add two very funny Swedes as their coaches, and hilarity and hotness ensue. There was good-natured teasing, complaining about airplanes, and tennis. What made it even better was that, because of the language differences, most of it happened in English, so we could keep up. Mats Wilander was particularly funny and seemed very determined to make sure everyone had a good time. (In a moment that will surely fuel some slashy brains, Paul-Henri was complaining about flying, and when Mats agreed, Mario laughed at him, saying that he knew that Mats didn’t have any trouble falling to sleep. “Like that,” he insisted, snapping his fingers. And just how would he know?)
Porniest Moment:
After that long but fun practice with Paul-Henri Mathieu, Mario Ancic removed his shirt and flopped onto the ground to be stretched out. After stretching, he also removed his shoes, but remained sprawled on the ground. That left him in nothing but his sweaty, clingy little shorts, dripping sweat, rolling around on the court. Eventually his coach, Fredrik, joined him on the ground, and we wished we could too.
Most Adorable Moment:
At the end of Fernando Verdasco’s very long practice on first Sunday, he sat down and removed his shirt. He then twisted it up to wring a copious amount of sweat out of it, looking up proudly at his coach as he did so, with the perfect little boy “look what I did!” expression.
The runner up - Gilles Simon made his first appearance in Mason on Monday, and we caught sight of him just as he was coming off the practice court. Much like the first year we found him, mama Simon was with him. As they walked away, she was fussing with his shirt, and then she reached down to pat his little non-existent bottom. Lucky mama. Later, we saw her getting kisses from Arnaud and Mika, and dragging Gael down so she could hug him.
Most Drastic Haircut:
Tomas Berdych. Even though his hair has always been short, the super-short haircut he has now inexplicably makes him look even younger, and even prettier. I am more convinced that ever that he would make the prettiest girl of any of the players. I can’t explain it, but there it is.
My Most Embarrassing Moment: (My friend’s to come later.)
On first Sunday, we were leaving one of the enclosed practice courts when I saw Benjamin Becker standing just inside, stretching out and signing autographs for kids who probably had no idea who he was. We’d gotten to see his qualifier match earlier that day, so as we passed, I leaned over and said, “Great match today, Benjamin.” He looked up and smiled and thanked me. Still moving, I wished him luck…and then ran headlong into my friend, who had stopped walking to let a group of people going the other way pass by. I laughed it off (Benjamin laughed with me) but dammit! There I was being all cool and graceful…or so I thought.
Funniest Match Moment:
At the start of Arnaud Clement’s second qualifier match against the Italian Andrea Stoppini, the announcer mangled Stoppini’s name past the point of recognition. Arnaud, who had come out on court first, looked confused, then turned to his opponent and asked, “Are you Seppi?” Andrea confirmed for him that he was, indeed, Stoppini. Arnaud looked relieved, and went on to win.
My Friend’s Best Photo:
Marat Safin. On first Sunday, we stumbled upon Marat, leaving the practice courts at the same time Roger was practicing on the Grandstand, which means there werevery few people waiting for him, and most of them were tournament volunteers. Marat patiently worked his way through all of them, and stopped for a photo with my friend when she asked. He even smiled and leaned into her! Afterward, she informed me that he has remarkably soft skin. “Baby’s butt soft,” she says.
Best Autograph: (It’s not about the autograph itself, it’s how much fun you have getting it.)
My friend’s - Nole Djokovic. My friend brought along an old issue of Tennis magazine that featured a photo of Nole from that infamous fashion show. It’s one of him with an open shirt, and his chest puffed out, vamping for the crowd. On the first Sunday, we caught up to Nole practicing on Center and stationed ourselves by the tunnel. When Nole came off and saw her holding it, he laughed and cried out, “Ah, no!” Playing to the crowd waiting for their own autographs, he pretended to be embarrassed and said, “Well, that is a very strange photo to have signed. Very strange.” He signed it anyways and moved on to other people, but kept glancing back at my friend. Finally he stopped again and said, “But that is very handsome man.”
He went back to signing, at which point my friend noticed that he had a piece of string from one of the towels in his hair. Feeling bold, she reached down and plucked it out. He felt it, of course, and looked up, but she finished by giving his head a little pat, and he just grinned. She stuck the piece of string in the magazine he’d signed, and as far as I know, it’s still there now.
Best Dinner:
Every year, we try to go to Carrabba’s on our first Sunday. A few times we’ve gotten lucky enough to see a player there. Last year, we didn’t see anyone, and we debated heavily about whether to go someplace else for dinner this year. Luckily, tradition won out. Shortly after being seated, my friend spotted Marin Cilic coming in with his coach. They sat across the aisle and a table back from us. We were delighted, he was adorable, and his coach let him order a glass of wine. (Which he actually shouldn’t have been served, given that he is underage.) Then my friend’s eyes went wide again, and suddenly Tommy Haas was being seated in the booth next to us. I got up to go to the bathroom and came back to see Fernando Gonzalez and the adorable Thomaz Bellucci (among others who I could not identify) at one of the bigger tables. Later, my friend thought she spotted someone else familiar at the bar but refused to tell me who in case she was wrong, so I had no choice but to run out to the car to get my sweater (which I really did need, because it was freezing). On my way back, I finally saw who she meant…Andy Roddick, having drinks with some blonde woman, possibly the fiancé, draped over him.
We didn’t intend to bother any of them, of course. We try to play it cool, but we’re only human. There was some giggling. Marin kept staring at our plate of zucchini fries, though, and we were very tempted to offer him some. One of them men with Tommy took the opportunity while I had gone to get my sweater to talk to my friend, but she is painfully shy, and the conversation was over long before I got back. (I insist that he was hitting on her, and she insists that he was teasing her.) There was a group of women who kept stopping to talk to Tommy, and before he left, they insisted that he take a photo with them. He’s quite a nice guy despite his on-court demeanor, and he went along graciously. When we finally left, after sharing a tiramisu I doubt either of us really tasted, the only people left we Gonzalez and Bellucci. On my way out the door I smiled at Bellucci when we made eye contact, but he just ducked his head and looked embarrassed. We’re keeping an eye on that one.
Funniest Non-Match Moment:
Monday morning started with a light rain, and when we arrived at the grounds, the tournament volunteers were hard at work drying the show courts so play could start on time. The practice courts, however, were another story. On court # 5, we found Florent Serra, Thierry Tulasne, and another trainer attempting to use the rollers to clear their court. “Attempting” being the key word. Mostly, they were just moving the water around. One was going in straight lines while another went in circles. When a volunteer passed by, fetching more rollers for himself, Thierry called out, “Zees on ees broken!” “You have to get it saturated,” the kid called back. “What?” “You have to get it wet before it will work.” “It’s EES wet!” Arnaud Clement joined them shortly thereafter, and when Thierry offered him a roller, he merely snorted in derision. In the end, all they did was make some interesting patterns in the water, and brought us to tears laughing.
Florent trying to sqeegee...and looking rather lost about it.
Click to viewLuckiest Kid:
Monday was Kid’s Day, which means they were swarming everywhere, largely unchecked. We had just passed the player’s entrance headed toward the Grandstand when we saw Feliciano Lopez coming toward us. He was dodging children left and right, moving too quickly for any of them to ask for an autograph. Two oblivious girls stopped just in front of him, and in swerving around them, he nearly tripped over another small boy who stood clutching a giant lemonade in both hands. Probably to make sure he didn’t step on him, Feli reached down and rested his hand on top of the boy’s head until he had safely passed by. The kid just stared up at him in shock, which we understood entirely. (I bet that kid grows up to be extra-pretty, though.)
Most In-Character Moment:
Facing Dmitry Tursunov in the first round, Marat Safin demonstrated why he is so hard, and yet so easy, to love. After getting what he felt were incorrect foot-fault calls, he argued extensively with the chair umpire. One such argument saw him interrupting play for several minutes, during which he once started to return to the service line, only to turn back when the crowd started to applaud. Several times, the chair umpire could clearly be seen rolling his eyes. When a ball change came, Marat took it upon himself to gather up all the old balls and throw them away, rather than allowing the ball kids to do it. Before serving, he stopped to smell both new balls before choosing one, then double-faulted anyway. When Dmitry consulted with a trainer, the camera showed Marat in the background, still barking at the chair umpire. In a final display of Marat-ness, he gave away match point when an out call went in his favor, despite the chair umpire’s objections. (See also, “Best New Nickname”.)
Dmitry himself earned runner-up status when he took the court for practice just as Roger Federer was finishing up with James Blake on the first Sunday. When Roger and Blake shook hands, the huge crowd burst into applause, and Dmitry threw up his hands and took a bow. (See also “Best New Nickname”.)
Best New Nickname:
Marat has had many been given many nicknames by us over the years, including “Pretty Pretty Princess”, “the Bear”, “Tragic Clown” and “Bi-Polar Barbie”. This year he earned his Native American name, “Stabs With Paste”. For those who are not familiar with the TV show “Malcolm In The Middle”, there is an episode in which the youngest son is put into a “special” class, and when he complains about the lack of real art supplies, his teacher tells him, “These children stab with scissors. They eat paste. This one…(nods to little boy)…stabs with paste.” That’s Marat. (See also, “Most In-Character Moment”.)
The runner-up, once again, is Dmitry. This year we dubbed him Tinkerbell, due to his constant need for attention. Because fairies, of course, are dependant on people’s belief in them to survive, and Dmitry always thrives best when people are clapping for him, even during practice. (See also “Most In-Character Moment”.)
To Be Continued…
(There are more highlights, but this is starting to get unwieldy, so it seemed best to divide it into two separate posts. And you know what? Still shorter than the full-length reports. Ha!)