I'm really tired....
and it's 7:15. i'm such a loser. i mean, i really might go to bed in a little while. i don't know what's up.
Anyway, i know it's been a (long) while (again). i don't really know what will come out tonight, either 1 - because i'm so tired and 2 - so much is going on! it's nuts, really.
first in the exciting news that is my life - i'm going to be my cousin Amy's maid of honor!!! :-D she and John are getting married on January 7th, which means that we have a lot of work to do REAL quick-like. it's kinda hard to be here and know that there's so much going on, to not even have seen the ring yet, to know that the first dress she put on was "the one," (and i wasn't there :( ), etc etc etc. it's just been a crazy addition to my life...crazy and amazingly exciting all at the same time.
and i guess main lesson lately is that i need my sisters. i need community with them; i need to be open, honest and vulnerable with them, because, chances are, they're going through something similar, or have gone through something similar in the past. there are some amazing girls surrounding me, and they have been all semester, but i just didn't hang out with them. i dunno why...i think i was trying to hold onto other ties too tightly or something. i wanna hang onto those other ones, but that doesn't mean that i can't make new friends, have new amazing relationships that are here, on this campus. there was a time a couple weeks ago when i just didn't want to be here. that was a thursday. that weekend, i hung out and had real conversations with some of the girls here, had time on the big red comfy couch, hung out with girls from Bible study (outside of Bible study!), people came over to my house, took my guitar and sang the Up Down song, and generally had a fantastic time with my sisters. and it was so refreshing and rejuvenating and encouraging all at the same time.
not that i don't need my brothers. i have stronger bonds with some of my brothers on this campus than i've ever had with guys. and that's amazing. but sometimes guys, you just don't GET it. i'm sorry. i'm a girl. you're guys. there are things about the other that both of us don't get. there, i said it. :)
moving on, i've been reading this book. it's called The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. it's pretty much rocking my socks. there are so many things in there that i'm really resonating with. some things that i question, a little bit, and want to talk out with people. some things that hit hard. things that i've never really thought of in that way. i dunno...maybe you understand. the thing that really resonated and hit hard was that Jesus was (and is) a revolutionary. we've been talking about it all semester at CSF. but it's been hitting me the past couple weeks, especially. He didn't come for the upright, righteous people. He came and spent time with, ate with, healed, and loved the "least of these."
"Here is revelation bright as the evening star: Jesus comes for sinners, for those as outcast as tax collectors and for those caught up in squalid choices and failed dreams. He comes for corporate executives, street people, superstars, farmers, hookers, addicts, IRS agents, AIDS victims, and even used car salesmen. Jesus not only talks with these people but dines with them - fully aware that His table fellowship with sinners will raise the eyebrows of religious bureaucrats who hold up the robes and insignia of their authority to justify their conemnation of the truth and their rejection of the gospel of grace."
Manning, p. 23
what would it look like? how would the world be impacted? would people finally see Jesus through us, if we loved like that? if we loved like Him? or, even better, if we became empty vessels of His love? even if it meant looking foolish in the eyes of the world...
Anyway, i know it's been a (long) while (again). i don't really know what will come out tonight, either 1 - because i'm so tired and 2 - so much is going on! it's nuts, really.
first in the exciting news that is my life - i'm going to be my cousin Amy's maid of honor!!! :-D she and John are getting married on January 7th, which means that we have a lot of work to do REAL quick-like. it's kinda hard to be here and know that there's so much going on, to not even have seen the ring yet, to know that the first dress she put on was "the one," (and i wasn't there :( ), etc etc etc. it's just been a crazy addition to my life...crazy and amazingly exciting all at the same time.
and i guess main lesson lately is that i need my sisters. i need community with them; i need to be open, honest and vulnerable with them, because, chances are, they're going through something similar, or have gone through something similar in the past. there are some amazing girls surrounding me, and they have been all semester, but i just didn't hang out with them. i dunno why...i think i was trying to hold onto other ties too tightly or something. i wanna hang onto those other ones, but that doesn't mean that i can't make new friends, have new amazing relationships that are here, on this campus. there was a time a couple weeks ago when i just didn't want to be here. that was a thursday. that weekend, i hung out and had real conversations with some of the girls here, had time on the big red comfy couch, hung out with girls from Bible study (outside of Bible study!), people came over to my house, took my guitar and sang the Up Down song, and generally had a fantastic time with my sisters. and it was so refreshing and rejuvenating and encouraging all at the same time.
not that i don't need my brothers. i have stronger bonds with some of my brothers on this campus than i've ever had with guys. and that's amazing. but sometimes guys, you just don't GET it. i'm sorry. i'm a girl. you're guys. there are things about the other that both of us don't get. there, i said it. :)
moving on, i've been reading this book. it's called The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. it's pretty much rocking my socks. there are so many things in there that i'm really resonating with. some things that i question, a little bit, and want to talk out with people. some things that hit hard. things that i've never really thought of in that way. i dunno...maybe you understand. the thing that really resonated and hit hard was that Jesus was (and is) a revolutionary. we've been talking about it all semester at CSF. but it's been hitting me the past couple weeks, especially. He didn't come for the upright, righteous people. He came and spent time with, ate with, healed, and loved the "least of these."
"Here is revelation bright as the evening star: Jesus comes for sinners, for those as outcast as tax collectors and for those caught up in squalid choices and failed dreams. He comes for corporate executives, street people, superstars, farmers, hookers, addicts, IRS agents, AIDS victims, and even used car salesmen. Jesus not only talks with these people but dines with them - fully aware that His table fellowship with sinners will raise the eyebrows of religious bureaucrats who hold up the robes and insignia of their authority to justify their conemnation of the truth and their rejection of the gospel of grace."
Manning, p. 23
what would it look like? how would the world be impacted? would people finally see Jesus through us, if we loved like that? if we loved like Him? or, even better, if we became empty vessels of His love? even if it meant looking foolish in the eyes of the world...