Did he come, or did he Come?

[e_compass_rosa]

This weekend I’ve been thinking about ejaculation, or about coming, or more specifically about male sexuality and my own ignorance. This line of thought emerged from my reading of a rather old essay by Michael Ventura, entitled Three Erections (a PDF can be downloaded by following the link). It is well-worth reading in its entirety, but here’s the

Comments

[randy_byers]

For me, ejaculating without coming is a premature ejaculation and is not pleasurable at all. This may be a mostly emotional reaction -- since it invariably happens before my partner has come, and so involves "the strain of not showing weakness" that cbertsch mentions above -- but it has always seemed to me that the sensation of ejaculation is not in itself physically pleasurable. It just feels like a draining. As Ventura says, "virtually no sensation."

Then again, there may be varieties of orgasmless ejaculation as well.

[e_compass_rosa]

Here's kind of a rhetorical question (or maybe not)~~ Is there such a thing as ejaculation without coming (premature ejaculation) when masturbating?

The emotional and the physical are so wrapped up with each other and with the interaction between two people.

[randy_byers]

Sure, I've ejaculated without orgasm when masturbating. It's just as disappointing when solo as with a partner, although less embarrassing. However, it happened more when I was younger and hadn't yet really come, so to speak, to understand/perceive orgasm very clearly. I do think you have to learn how to have an orgasm, and in my case it took years.

[e_compass_rosa]

Yes, attentive practice (in whatever form -- i.e., solo or not) is a good thing!

[randy_byers]

This has got me thinking about how I seemed to need to relearn how to have an orgasm with my last partner, after years of not having had sex with anyone but myself. Also stories a friend has told me about how he finds it very difficult to come with a partner. He doesn't see it that way, but I've wondered whether that was an issue of trust and/or letting go.

[e_compass_rosa]

I wonder if it is not a matter of relearning as much as learning to communicate the understandings about yourself and your physical reactions. I mean, those of us who are really good at having sex with ourselves are perhaps simply not accustomed to articulating what we want or need. We know it, sense it, feel it and can act on it ourselves. But when it becomes between two people those understandings must now be related in some form, and that can be difficult, especially if issues of trust are not there.