Did he come, or did he Come?

[e_compass_rosa]

This weekend I’ve been thinking about ejaculation, or about coming, or more specifically about male sexuality and my own ignorance. This line of thought emerged from my reading of a rather old essay by Michael Ventura, entitled Three Erections (a PDF can be downloaded by following the link). It is well-worth reading in its entirety, but here’s the

Comments

[cbertsch]

I think he's exaggerating a little to make the analogy to the female orgasm easier to discern, but is still basically right. I also think it worth pointing out that, aside from the question of coming, there's the question of sustaining an erection, which preoccupies a great many men most of the time and almost all men at least some of the time. The fact that it's possible to feel the sensation of coming without ever getting hard enough to engage in penetrative sex further complicates the picture of male orgasm. For my part, I do think women underestimate the strain that men feel in having to not show weakness.

[e_compass_rosa]

I think I understand that strain, and perhaps at times have underestimated it, but am aware that it exists and have known when I've had partners for whom it was an on-going issue. What has not ever really been expressed to me by a partner (or perhaps expressed but not adequately heard or understood) is a sense that "coming" can happen or be felt at times other than ejaculation.

[cbertsch]

I think it's one of those things, like sensing the interaction of certain muscle groups, that it requires training to perceive fully. But I do think that they sometimes diverge in the manner Ventura suggests.

[e_compass_rosa]

"training" -- or lots of attentive practice

[cbertsch]

Right. A lot of our bodily activities are ones in which, through force of habit, we group sensations together under a general rubric, as when we speak of "knee" or "shoulder" pain without knowing how to make that designation more specific. I think the same thing happens during sex, perhaps more so for men, who are brought up to reduce.