Pure Bliss
I think my issue with the severe hives break outs may be at an end. Well, at least mostly, anyway. I think yesterday may have helped to solve that problem.
Never have I felt as comfortable with another person as I did yesterday with Andrew. That isn't to say that I am uncomfortable with my best friends, but I find I must put up certain walls for each person. Sometimes it has to do with religion, or how I feel about certain things, my health, or perhaps some things going on in my life, even. Now, that is normal with every relationship and quite honestly, I would not have it any other way (for the most part, that is). However, with Andrew, I feel as though there are hardly any walls I have to pull up. I don't really understand why, but it's true.
Then there is the matter of touch. Until now, whenever I cuddled with someone, I always stiffened up and became embarrassed if I had to shift even the slightest bit. I also worried all the time, afraid of what the other person might be thinking of me at the time, instead of enjoying the moment. I always would put myself down, believing that he felt I was not good enough for him or that I was too naive. Rarely was I able to believe that the person could have enjoyed my company as much as I had enjoyed his. I was always afraid that I might do something wrong or say something when I ought to bite my tongue. I constantly worried about the person's opinion of me. So much so, that I failed to enjoy the relationship for what it was.
Yet, with Andrew, I hardly experience any of that at all. I feel comfortable enough with him to say just about anything that pops into my head. I do not feel as though he is judging me and I generally feel relaxed and worry free when I'm around him. And perhaps, for the first time in my life, I have found someone who might possibly feel about the same for me as I do for him.
In all fairness, I do not know, nor do I expect him to feel that way about me. But for once, I don't care. I'm not worried about it and I am enjoying every moment I have to spend with him. I do not know how long this will last, and I sometimes wonder if any of this is even real and not just some long, elaborate dream. Nevertheless, I am not going to think about it nor am I going to care, for now I am living in the moment and the moment is all that counts.
Never have I felt as comfortable with another person as I did yesterday with Andrew. That isn't to say that I am uncomfortable with my best friends, but I find I must put up certain walls for each person. Sometimes it has to do with religion, or how I feel about certain things, my health, or perhaps some things going on in my life, even. Now, that is normal with every relationship and quite honestly, I would not have it any other way (for the most part, that is). However, with Andrew, I feel as though there are hardly any walls I have to pull up. I don't really understand why, but it's true.
Then there is the matter of touch. Until now, whenever I cuddled with someone, I always stiffened up and became embarrassed if I had to shift even the slightest bit. I also worried all the time, afraid of what the other person might be thinking of me at the time, instead of enjoying the moment. I always would put myself down, believing that he felt I was not good enough for him or that I was too naive. Rarely was I able to believe that the person could have enjoyed my company as much as I had enjoyed his. I was always afraid that I might do something wrong or say something when I ought to bite my tongue. I constantly worried about the person's opinion of me. So much so, that I failed to enjoy the relationship for what it was.
Yet, with Andrew, I hardly experience any of that at all. I feel comfortable enough with him to say just about anything that pops into my head. I do not feel as though he is judging me and I generally feel relaxed and worry free when I'm around him. And perhaps, for the first time in my life, I have found someone who might possibly feel about the same for me as I do for him.
In all fairness, I do not know, nor do I expect him to feel that way about me. But for once, I don't care. I'm not worried about it and I am enjoying every moment I have to spend with him. I do not know how long this will last, and I sometimes wonder if any of this is even real and not just some long, elaborate dream. Nevertheless, I am not going to think about it nor am I going to care, for now I am living in the moment and the moment is all that counts.