(no subject)
As much as I care about him, he has caused me to go pass concern, beyond frustration and straight into annoyance. Last night I spoke with him on the phone about the possibility of not having to work today and he was rather excited about getting together for the afternoon. So when I found out that I had no work today, I called him, only to have him not answer the phone. Alright, fine. It's actually unusual for him to answer his phone. But for seven hours straight? Now that is unusual.
I have called his cell phone and left him a few messages. I have called his house and left him a message there. I have texted him and have called him multiple times, and still I recieve no reply. I even left him my house number, just incase my phone was still being weird towards his! (My phone immediately directed him to my voicemail when he tried to call me twice last night.)
I just....*sigh* What sucks the most is that I want to say that I am pissed off. I want to be angry, but I'm not. Yes, I am annoyed, but I'm not even the agitated sort of annoyed. No, I'm mopey-annoyed. I even passed on dinner thinking that he might have called me to go out for dinner.
So, yeah. The next time I see him, I am going to have a little talk with him. Nothing big, however this is not okay anymore. And it isn't good enough for him to say it is not and apologize. No. He needs to call me if he's going to do this to me. If he doesn't want to go out with me, fine. If he wants to go out with his friends, fine. I am okay with whatever he wants to do so long as he calls me if we had made plans. Yes, I would be upset, but I would get over it rather quickly. It's this whole sitting around waiting for him that I cannot stand. He builds up my hopes and expectations only to forget about them and it drives me mad!
This was supposed to be a relaxed day for the two of us to spend alone together. We didn't even know what we were going to do. We were just going to make it up as we went along. Besides surprising me with birthday gifts on Wednesday, we haven't been together by ourselves for weeks. And even then, we met in the F parking lot after the campus had closed, standing outside our cars in the dark, rain, and cold. So, it wasn't exactly romantic by any means.
I did appreciate him coming to Bethany's for our dinner party while he was still sick (and with quite the fever might I add). I really do. But it wasn't the same. I miss our time alone. And as much as I enjoy spending time with him and others, I miss being able to just let everything go while I am with him. We communicate better when it is just the two of us, and even then, I have trouble understanding him.
Which takes me to another topic: I have finally figured out the second main reason as to why I worry so much about our relationship. The first being that it is my first serious relationship as well as the first time I have ever felt quite this way about anyone. The second being the way we each communicate to one another. It occured to me Saturday morning that I am a very verbal person. Granted, I have known this for years now, however, I have always had difficulty understanding people who communicate through their actions. And as it just so happens, Paul is one of those sorts of people. Now, I understand a few of his actions, mainly facial expressions and commands. But, for the most part, I have not even an inkling as to what the man is thinking. And it is because of this that I worry so much.
Now, I am not saying that it is his fault. Never the less, I do believe it is something we need to discuss if we are to make this relationship work. From time to time, he needs to tell me what he is thinking or how he feels about certain things. And, it would be nice to not have to fish for compliments or even his opinions all the time. He never told me what he thought of my cooking (both times!), and I had to ask him what he thought about my sweater and I feel awful for having to ask. But I need that reassurance every once in a while. For how else am I to learn what he likes and dislikes?
ugh....*slumps into a chair* I just find the man frustrating at times. God, I miss him.
I have called his cell phone and left him a few messages. I have called his house and left him a message there. I have texted him and have called him multiple times, and still I recieve no reply. I even left him my house number, just incase my phone was still being weird towards his! (My phone immediately directed him to my voicemail when he tried to call me twice last night.)
I just....*sigh* What sucks the most is that I want to say that I am pissed off. I want to be angry, but I'm not. Yes, I am annoyed, but I'm not even the agitated sort of annoyed. No, I'm mopey-annoyed. I even passed on dinner thinking that he might have called me to go out for dinner.
So, yeah. The next time I see him, I am going to have a little talk with him. Nothing big, however this is not okay anymore. And it isn't good enough for him to say it is not and apologize. No. He needs to call me if he's going to do this to me. If he doesn't want to go out with me, fine. If he wants to go out with his friends, fine. I am okay with whatever he wants to do so long as he calls me if we had made plans. Yes, I would be upset, but I would get over it rather quickly. It's this whole sitting around waiting for him that I cannot stand. He builds up my hopes and expectations only to forget about them and it drives me mad!
This was supposed to be a relaxed day for the two of us to spend alone together. We didn't even know what we were going to do. We were just going to make it up as we went along. Besides surprising me with birthday gifts on Wednesday, we haven't been together by ourselves for weeks. And even then, we met in the F parking lot after the campus had closed, standing outside our cars in the dark, rain, and cold. So, it wasn't exactly romantic by any means.
I did appreciate him coming to Bethany's for our dinner party while he was still sick (and with quite the fever might I add). I really do. But it wasn't the same. I miss our time alone. And as much as I enjoy spending time with him and others, I miss being able to just let everything go while I am with him. We communicate better when it is just the two of us, and even then, I have trouble understanding him.
Which takes me to another topic: I have finally figured out the second main reason as to why I worry so much about our relationship. The first being that it is my first serious relationship as well as the first time I have ever felt quite this way about anyone. The second being the way we each communicate to one another. It occured to me Saturday morning that I am a very verbal person. Granted, I have known this for years now, however, I have always had difficulty understanding people who communicate through their actions. And as it just so happens, Paul is one of those sorts of people. Now, I understand a few of his actions, mainly facial expressions and commands. But, for the most part, I have not even an inkling as to what the man is thinking. And it is because of this that I worry so much.
Now, I am not saying that it is his fault. Never the less, I do believe it is something we need to discuss if we are to make this relationship work. From time to time, he needs to tell me what he is thinking or how he feels about certain things. And, it would be nice to not have to fish for compliments or even his opinions all the time. He never told me what he thought of my cooking (both times!), and I had to ask him what he thought about my sweater and I feel awful for having to ask. But I need that reassurance every once in a while. For how else am I to learn what he likes and dislikes?
ugh....*slumps into a chair* I just find the man frustrating at times. God, I miss him.