One Month Gone
My goal is simple: to survive six months. There is a statistically high rate of "excess mortality" in widows and widowers in the first six months after the death of their spouse. It begins to curve down after six months until, after a year, a widow/widower is back at the normal survival rate for all single persons.
Accidents, illness, failure to thrive -- are put down to "heart break syndrome." You get careless. Your immune system drops. You don't take care of yourself.
It makes sense. I don't think I brushed my teeth for two weeks. Getting out of bed seemed like a major accomplishment. It's good that I have to feed the dog. Being responsible for something is important. Kai needs to be fed and walked, and he prefers that it be me, as we discovered when he declined to be walked by visiting family.
I've made it through one month. Five more to go. It's an exhausting prospect.
Tomorrow Austin returns to San Francisco and I will go to work part time. I'm hoping that it will be good for me to get out of the house. To push myself a little into the normal world. It's hard, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done.
This is a new journey for me, and it will take as long as it takes. I'm so grateful for everyone who has been so kind and offered to help. Indeed, I will be asking for help in the coming months. There are things I need to get done that are beyond me, so I'll be making a list, maybe not checking it twice, and then asking who can help with what.
In the meantime, thank you so much, everyone, for the love you've shown me and Mark. It means more than I can say, and will help me get through those six months.
Accidents, illness, failure to thrive -- are put down to "heart break syndrome." You get careless. Your immune system drops. You don't take care of yourself.
It makes sense. I don't think I brushed my teeth for two weeks. Getting out of bed seemed like a major accomplishment. It's good that I have to feed the dog. Being responsible for something is important. Kai needs to be fed and walked, and he prefers that it be me, as we discovered when he declined to be walked by visiting family.
I've made it through one month. Five more to go. It's an exhausting prospect.
Tomorrow Austin returns to San Francisco and I will go to work part time. I'm hoping that it will be good for me to get out of the house. To push myself a little into the normal world. It's hard, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done.
This is a new journey for me, and it will take as long as it takes. I'm so grateful for everyone who has been so kind and offered to help. Indeed, I will be asking for help in the coming months. There are things I need to get done that are beyond me, so I'll be making a list, maybe not checking it twice, and then asking who can help with what.
In the meantime, thank you so much, everyone, for the love you've shown me and Mark. It means more than I can say, and will help me get through those six months.