(no subject)
i'm sick of having no one to talk to. I need to talk to someone.....they dont even have to listen. I need to just say what i'm thinking....what I've been thinking. I still cant believe what is going on.. brianne and mike. I am still shocked at their utter disregard for me.....for the friendships I had with both of them. I'm not saying 'fuck them'......I'm above that. what i'm not above, however, is stating how fucked up I think it is. and how much of a wanton act of betrayal it is. you cant call me your friend then turn around and date my good friend.
but fuck it. you know? if they are happy, what is my problem? i'm not going to pry, or stand in the way, or even say anything to either of them. its not my place to butt-in.
I am just sick of certain people not giving me the time of day. I have few close friends.....kyle....blue....noah....joey....and tyler.
but out of those few, I cannot really talk to any.
I've talked to Jessica a couple times since I left brianne. I wanted to apologize to her for the way I treated her when I was with brianne. I never called her when we were dating......like I just fucking abandoned her.....after all her and I went through.....four years. but in talking to her recently.....things have changed. actually....you know what....nothing had changed. I called her....and it was the same jessica I knew years ago. then I called her about a week ago to see if she wanted to meet somewhere with my friend and I to hang out, catch up. her boyfriend and her decided to go party instead.
so I said fuck it.
I miss the feeling of being loved. I try to surround myself with friends to try to take my mind off it.....but who am I kidding? I'm lonely. I miss being touched, being kissed.
I always get ahead of myself too much. I get too ambitious and nothing ever seems to work out as planned. I heard a CD by the brother of a friend of mine that makes me hate every single fucking piece of music I've ever made. I need a fucking cigarette.....I just dont know what the fuck is going on anymore.
but fuck it. you know? if they are happy, what is my problem? i'm not going to pry, or stand in the way, or even say anything to either of them. its not my place to butt-in.
I am just sick of certain people not giving me the time of day. I have few close friends.....kyle....blue....noah....joey....and tyler.
but out of those few, I cannot really talk to any.
I've talked to Jessica a couple times since I left brianne. I wanted to apologize to her for the way I treated her when I was with brianne. I never called her when we were dating......like I just fucking abandoned her.....after all her and I went through.....four years. but in talking to her recently.....things have changed. actually....you know what....nothing had changed. I called her....and it was the same jessica I knew years ago. then I called her about a week ago to see if she wanted to meet somewhere with my friend and I to hang out, catch up. her boyfriend and her decided to go party instead.
so I said fuck it.
I miss the feeling of being loved. I try to surround myself with friends to try to take my mind off it.....but who am I kidding? I'm lonely. I miss being touched, being kissed.
I always get ahead of myself too much. I get too ambitious and nothing ever seems to work out as planned. I heard a CD by the brother of a friend of mine that makes me hate every single fucking piece of music I've ever made. I need a fucking cigarette.....I just dont know what the fuck is going on anymore.