oh crap
it's unraveling, far to fast. apparently last night was the night of weird dreams. while mine resembled sometihng like a weird action/drama movies, my boyfriend had a dream that went like this
"'m at a wedding, small about 20 people at the church. I've been at the church before when nic and amy got married. The couple that were getting married were late and everyone else was there. Liz was sitting next to me being annoying. I had a magazine to pass the time and liz was constantly talking, asking questions about the wedding, the magazine I was reading, and everything else. I got so pissed at her I told her, "Your pissing me off, shut the fuck up." She looked at me and started to cry and pray for herself. I sat there till she finally stopped and I told her I was sorry for snapping but she wouldn't shut up about anything. She was still upset but said she was sorry. Then the bride and groom showed up but they were still in bed with those eye maskes on. So I decided to go to the bathroom and liz followed. We went to the bathroom together and I took a piss. Then I started to flirt with her. Liz turned around and undid my pants and bent over. We started to have sex and she turned her face around to see me. It wasn't liz anymore... it was julie. I became confused but didn't stop. Pretty soon liz appeared behind me and started to yell at me about how I didn't care about her anymore. I was arguing with liz about how I did care but I didn't stop having sex with julie while we were arguing. Then someone started to wiggle the door handle to the bathroom and I woke up. "
this tells me several things, none of which is good. first off, apparently i'm only a nuscience to him, as signified by the annoying phase. secondly, i'm prone to random break downs of emotion, per the crying and praying...which was random but whatever. then there's the part where we just randomly have sex. and because he's asked me like several times "do you view our relationship as only sex" it's kind of obvious that he think of it like that. and the part about julie...that's just...well basically it just confirms everything that i've feared. im sure he cares about me to some degree but it's kind of obvious that julie is the one he really wants. plus i have a sneeking suspicicion that "sex" ment "anal sex" and...that's just a whole other can of worms. seemed more that i just complain and accuse him of random stuff which, honestly, i've wanted to do once or twice but really that's basically the worst girlfriend action ever so i've refrained. but i can kind of sense that his heart isn't really in keeping us togeather. i understand that he cares for me but sometimes that's not enough, and im thinking that this might be one of those times. i don't know but things are changing and i'm worried they're not changing for the better.
"'m at a wedding, small about 20 people at the church. I've been at the church before when nic and amy got married. The couple that were getting married were late and everyone else was there. Liz was sitting next to me being annoying. I had a magazine to pass the time and liz was constantly talking, asking questions about the wedding, the magazine I was reading, and everything else. I got so pissed at her I told her, "Your pissing me off, shut the fuck up." She looked at me and started to cry and pray for herself. I sat there till she finally stopped and I told her I was sorry for snapping but she wouldn't shut up about anything. She was still upset but said she was sorry. Then the bride and groom showed up but they were still in bed with those eye maskes on. So I decided to go to the bathroom and liz followed. We went to the bathroom together and I took a piss. Then I started to flirt with her. Liz turned around and undid my pants and bent over. We started to have sex and she turned her face around to see me. It wasn't liz anymore... it was julie. I became confused but didn't stop. Pretty soon liz appeared behind me and started to yell at me about how I didn't care about her anymore. I was arguing with liz about how I did care but I didn't stop having sex with julie while we were arguing. Then someone started to wiggle the door handle to the bathroom and I woke up. "
this tells me several things, none of which is good. first off, apparently i'm only a nuscience to him, as signified by the annoying phase. secondly, i'm prone to random break downs of emotion, per the crying and praying...which was random but whatever. then there's the part where we just randomly have sex. and because he's asked me like several times "do you view our relationship as only sex" it's kind of obvious that he think of it like that. and the part about julie...that's just...well basically it just confirms everything that i've feared. im sure he cares about me to some degree but it's kind of obvious that julie is the one he really wants. plus i have a sneeking suspicicion that "sex" ment "anal sex" and...that's just a whole other can of worms. seemed more that i just complain and accuse him of random stuff which, honestly, i've wanted to do once or twice but really that's basically the worst girlfriend action ever so i've refrained. but i can kind of sense that his heart isn't really in keeping us togeather. i understand that he cares for me but sometimes that's not enough, and im thinking that this might be one of those times. i don't know but things are changing and i'm worried they're not changing for the better.