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Finding focus, finding life

Aug 05, 2005 11:52

"By using my creativity and passion I will guide and inspire people to better understand and use their gifts and capabilities." This is the purpose statement I came up with. It's also the purpose statement I've been ignoring for too long now. I kept thinking, "I just have to get through this transition time... I just have to do this... Once this is over... ," but it never works that way. You just get lost in the randomness and chaos of life. I lose my focus, and then I lose who I am. Without a job, with so little routine in my life and pursuing no purpose I forget who I am and why I am here. I come to that question before I've worked half my life, before I've had much of anything I'd truly call a career.

"Jack of all trades, Master of none." I use to be so proud of the numerous and diverse abilities I'd acquired, but for all I can do I have no one focus, no one Master for my life. And there are few that have such a thing - a single focus that draws them on. Those that do mayhap lose connection to the rest of what and who surrounds them. And that I do not desire. At times, so often, the people in my life become so much my center I forget that I needs must care for else in this world. I search now then for a guide line to attatch to my life, so that I can love and give to those in my life but hold to a line along which I can draw myself forth.

I look too much for a career that can solve my problems of focus and put money into my bank account, an IRA, a healthplan so I can fill these cavities I do my best to forget about. Instead it's returning to school and volunteering that must guide me until I have grown the vision of my life that suits me. I know I can do this. I search within me for that which I hope one day to encourage in others - the courage to own responsibility for my life and use the gifts God has granted me. For whatever I may lament I know I lead a blessed life.
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