embarassing story from the past
SO as I completed my last day of pre-student teaching yesterday, one of the kids walked up to me and Said, "Mrs. Smith (the teacher, also my aunt/godmother) told us to ask you what happened with the UPS Truck." I was shocked and immediately whipped my head around to said teacher and proclaimed. "Did you really tell them about the UPS truck?!" To which the only reply was a hearty laugh.
Now I know those of you who haven't known me for forever and a day probably have your heads spinning at the possibilities that could be regailed withing the given "UPS truck story" Did I have sex with the UPS man in exchange for free shipping? No. Did my shoelace get caught on the back bumper of one of the trucks and drag me for miles of highway before I was finally projected to the side of the road? negative. Was I run over by by a postal service truck only to be saved by the quick thinking man behind the wheel of the UPS truck which had been chasing him at low speeds through residential streets? NO, but sadly closer to the truth. Gather round, my children, and I shall tell you a tale. And I'm only tellin' it once so you better listen up if you want reason to mock me...not that you don't already have that.
The year was 2001. the month was September...I think. I had officially been a driver for less than a year, having gotten my liscense the last November. It was the start of my senior year, either a saturday or a day without school I don't really remember. I know I had swim practice later that afternoon, which was odd because usually practice would have been in the morning on such occassions. But, I digress, naturally.
...Actually I think it must have been a saturday because i remember watching cartoons that morning and (GET ON WITH IT!) Right, sorry...
Continuing on, my sister and her friend had spent the evening sleeping on our large couch in the basement, presumably doing illegal things and discussing plots to blow up our school, since this was before the era of livejournal and they couldn't sit at home listening to emo and complaining virtually about how life sucks. That, however, is not the point.
When said friend, who lived no more than an unlaiden swallows flight away from our home, mentioned that it might begin to rain fairly soon, she took this opportunity to look at me with puppy dog eyes and beg for a ride back to her place on the other side of the sub. In hind sight I should have made her grovel unconditionally or told her to get a few swallows to carry her over, since she probably weighed just slightly more that a large coconut, plus that would have been amusing. But, I'm too nice for my own good, and have a large weak spot for my sister and/or her friends so I pull myself off the prone position on the couch and made my way to the door. I grabbed my keys but did not bother with shoes, or even my liscence for that matter, since I would be there and back within two shakes of a lambs tail, and would not be exiting the car during this time.
after breif farewells and promises to wear seatbelts (my mother is weird like that) we clamber into my car and start the engine. I ease out of the garage and down the driveway. For those who have never seen my house or haven't seen it in a while, my driveway runs directly into the street which is the fastest and most efficient way to get to the other side of our sub. Meaning that if I was apt enough to do a three point turn and back into the driveway, I would simply have to head straight and be on the way there. But I suck at such things and am now backing into the road. I checked for traffic, saw none, back out then continue to go straight back to align myself with said street.
And that's when it happened.
There was a honk, a screech of tires, and a thud, as my car backed right into and oncoming UPS truck.
Yep, read that again if you have to, for the words I have spoken...er, typed, are sadly true. I left that day with a dented car, a ticket for failing to yeild, and an ego that will never recover. I can always top the "I was a worse driver than you" tales hands down, but most of the time I choose to sit quitely on the sidelines because, really, there is nothing worse than admitting to simply not looking in the rearview and hitting a brown truck the size of a house. I think striking down a small child would have been an easier pill to swallow, quite honestly.
Well, now you know. My driving skills have improved since this time. The only accident I was involved in after the fact was a blind old man running into me, and I always check my mirrors about six times before I do anything now. However, there had to have been a better way to learn this lesson, don't you think?
Elvis never did no drugs
Now I know those of you who haven't known me for forever and a day probably have your heads spinning at the possibilities that could be regailed withing the given "UPS truck story" Did I have sex with the UPS man in exchange for free shipping? No. Did my shoelace get caught on the back bumper of one of the trucks and drag me for miles of highway before I was finally projected to the side of the road? negative. Was I run over by by a postal service truck only to be saved by the quick thinking man behind the wheel of the UPS truck which had been chasing him at low speeds through residential streets? NO, but sadly closer to the truth. Gather round, my children, and I shall tell you a tale. And I'm only tellin' it once so you better listen up if you want reason to mock me...not that you don't already have that.
The year was 2001. the month was September...I think. I had officially been a driver for less than a year, having gotten my liscense the last November. It was the start of my senior year, either a saturday or a day without school I don't really remember. I know I had swim practice later that afternoon, which was odd because usually practice would have been in the morning on such occassions. But, I digress, naturally.
...Actually I think it must have been a saturday because i remember watching cartoons that morning and (GET ON WITH IT!) Right, sorry...
Continuing on, my sister and her friend had spent the evening sleeping on our large couch in the basement, presumably doing illegal things and discussing plots to blow up our school, since this was before the era of livejournal and they couldn't sit at home listening to emo and complaining virtually about how life sucks. That, however, is not the point.
When said friend, who lived no more than an unlaiden swallows flight away from our home, mentioned that it might begin to rain fairly soon, she took this opportunity to look at me with puppy dog eyes and beg for a ride back to her place on the other side of the sub. In hind sight I should have made her grovel unconditionally or told her to get a few swallows to carry her over, since she probably weighed just slightly more that a large coconut, plus that would have been amusing. But, I'm too nice for my own good, and have a large weak spot for my sister and/or her friends so I pull myself off the prone position on the couch and made my way to the door. I grabbed my keys but did not bother with shoes, or even my liscence for that matter, since I would be there and back within two shakes of a lambs tail, and would not be exiting the car during this time.
after breif farewells and promises to wear seatbelts (my mother is weird like that) we clamber into my car and start the engine. I ease out of the garage and down the driveway. For those who have never seen my house or haven't seen it in a while, my driveway runs directly into the street which is the fastest and most efficient way to get to the other side of our sub. Meaning that if I was apt enough to do a three point turn and back into the driveway, I would simply have to head straight and be on the way there. But I suck at such things and am now backing into the road. I checked for traffic, saw none, back out then continue to go straight back to align myself with said street.
And that's when it happened.
There was a honk, a screech of tires, and a thud, as my car backed right into and oncoming UPS truck.
Yep, read that again if you have to, for the words I have spoken...er, typed, are sadly true. I left that day with a dented car, a ticket for failing to yeild, and an ego that will never recover. I can always top the "I was a worse driver than you" tales hands down, but most of the time I choose to sit quitely on the sidelines because, really, there is nothing worse than admitting to simply not looking in the rearview and hitting a brown truck the size of a house. I think striking down a small child would have been an easier pill to swallow, quite honestly.
Well, now you know. My driving skills have improved since this time. The only accident I was involved in after the fact was a blind old man running into me, and I always check my mirrors about six times before I do anything now. However, there had to have been a better way to learn this lesson, don't you think?
Elvis never did no drugs