SebSon - I Think I Missed You chapter 3

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SebSon - I Think I Missed You chapter 3





The house was silent as Jenson was sitting alone in the living room right after the dinner with his close family, which meant his sisters, dad and girlfriend now. Jessica was helping his sisters in the kitchen while his father was doing something in the garage so Jense took the opportunity and got one of the old photo albums out. The movement was somehow familiar to him as much as the book was but he didn’t know why. The man sat back and opened it up thumbing the pages slowly, studying the photos like he saw them the first time. The pictures were about twenty years old or more, some about family events, birthday parties, school graduations, others about go-kart races or other races where his father took him to. All of them are wonderful memories in his mind.
Jense was almost about at the half of the book when one of the pictures struck him and as he looked at the next few other photos he recognized they were all about the same event.
The go-kart camp.
He found that one what Seb showed him days before, which has been taken in front of one of the karts, and there were its siblings too. In one of them Seb and him were staring at the camera with a big grin; Jense showed up his index finger while Seb cocked a snook at him. There were also pictures about the races or other kids; some of them were still his friends. And in the next moment Jense found himself watching some weird photos. It seemed like they have been taken in a huge tent, like a beer tent. There were plenty of people sitting around long tables or dancing to live music, or at least he thought it was live since in one of the photos there was playing a band in the background, and there was him sitting with a little blond kid beside him, back to the photographer. Jense spotted the piece of cake in front of them almost immediately but which was strange there was only one of it. As Jenson was keep watching the pictures he could tell the two boys communicated each other or at least they tried to even if they didn’t talk the same language. One of the pictures really caught his eyes; there was something special in the way as they looked at the other. Like brothers do. There was something in their eyes, maybe concern which somehow faded away during the years since they became an opponent each other. It was scary in some way to seeing themselves like that.

The front door closed quietly behind a silver headed man and as he turned about his look met Jense’s. The man took off his shoes quickly and walked up to the younger man.
“What’s up, boy?” he asked bending down staring at the book in Jenson’s hands. “Oh, you’re watching old pictures, huh? Nice memories” the man grinned and maybe it was just his imagination but Jenson almost could swear his dad winked at him.
“Do you remember this?” he asked pointing at one of the pictures about the weird event.
The man knitted his brows thoughtfully and in the next moment his face brightened.
“Yeah, yeah, of course I do” the man straightened.
“And what about him? Do you know who this guy is?”
Mr Button gave him a mysterious smile after he glanced at the photo.
“I guess?”
“So?
“So what?”
Jenson didn’t care about the confused look on the man’s face, he knew him too well to know he was playing with him.
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talkin’ about, Old Boy. Who is this guy?
“Well, I think you already kn...” One killer glance from Jenson and it was already enough to drag the answer out of the man. “It’s Seb...”
“Sebastian?” Jenson’s voice was shaking by anger. He couldn’t believe it could happen. His dad knew it all the time and never told him. What a betrayal!
“Yes, it’s Sebastian Vettel” the man affirmed it in a talker tone.
“You knew it.”
“What?”
It just made him angrier as his father tried to play the role of the innocent man.
“You said it’s Sebastian Vettel. You mean it’s Seb! The ‘Red Bull’ Seb. The ‘Three Times Formula 1 World Champion’ Seb. That ‘Idiot German without his fucking bowtie’ Seb! Th...”
“Yes, it’s him.” It seemed Mr Button slowly losing his patience as he interrupted his monologue.
“So you knew it all the time that we know each other since our childhood. Why the hell did you never tell me?”
“Maybe ‘cause you never ever asked me?”
Now John’s voice was low and he seemed to be a bit concerned about the sanity of his son. Jenson noticed it and for a moment he couldn’t find his voice; he opened his mouth just to close it again helplessly ‘till he pulled himself together and after a deep sigh he looked back at the photos.
“When did you take these ones?” he asked.
John looked at them again and answered musingly.
“During the last night of the go-kart camp. There was a banquet or something like that. Beer tent, live music, plenty of cheering people, lot of food and cakes... It was a great night after all. Oh, look, it’s a really cute picture!” he finally pointed at the one about the two boys looking at each other with that strange look of them. “But it’s still not my favourite one
” he giggled.
“What?” Jenson couldn’t imagine what his dad meant by that. “What do you mean?”
“Please turn over” he commanded.
“Why?”
“Just do as I said.”
Jenson did, and as soon as he turned the page his heart almost jumped out of his chest.
“What the hell?!” The driver never thought he would ever be able to make such a high tone of his voice what just left his throat by that few desperate words.
John was laughing so hard Jenson wondered why the other part of the family didn’t come to check on them yet.
“Yes, yes, it’s absolutely my favourite one” he clapped on one shoulder of his son.
“Will you explain me this?”
“It was a banquet, Jense. People were dancing, so were you.”
“Yes, I can imagine. Yet it’s still not an explanation”
The old driver’s mood could change so fast from one minute to the other it was almost scary. Now he wasn’t laugh anymore, he used that serious voice again like he was talking to a child.
“There were families like ours or Sebastian’s. There were his sisters too along with other girls but of course still weren’t enough girl to all the boys. Could you imagine how many mini drivers were there? Now calm yourself down. End of story.”
“You’re telling me I went to the banquet with a boy at my side because I couldn’t find any girl for myself?”
“No, I’m just telling you went there with your family and met with your little friend in the tent.
“But why didn’t I dance with a girl? And don’t tell me I was just a child. I must have been a miserable child if that was all I got. A friend!” he said huffily pointing at the picture again. There were some kids in it dancing together in the background, and in the middle there were the two boys holding hands and staring each other with a big grin.
“Yeah, and now you’re a drama queen.” The old man seemed to be loosing his patience again. “Not that you had the chance to care about any girls around you though. Son, the only thing you cared about that time was racing against the others. And yeah, Sebastian was the other one since the two of you became really good friends.”
“Friends...” he sniffed. “What friends? He’s my enemy...”
“Enemy?”
“Or opponent, it doesn’t matter at all. This all thing is just funny that it seems we were good friends somewhere in the past and now we barely even talk to each other.”
“Well, I think it’s mostly because of you and not because of him.”
“Oh, stop it, please.”
“However, it’s not something what you can change now. Accept it. And if I wanna be honest I don’t want to believe you really can’t remember of him.”
“I can!’ I just can’t believe that it was him. It’s still strange.”
“Strange or not that’s the case so there’s nothing to do now. And if you want to know my opinion, I think you were cute together.”
“I’m sorry, you what?”
“Why? Just look at this one. It’s really brotherish, isn’t it?”
The playful gloss returned in the older Button’s eyes as he was pointing at another one of the pictures about the dancing pair. Jenson had enough, he closed the book and threw it at the coffee table as he stood up from the chair. He still could hear the laugh of his dad as he hurried to the stairs. He took only a few steps when the man started speaking behind him.
“Jenson?”
“Huh?” he stepped back to look at his father.
“You had a diary in that time, you know? I think you wrote about him in it.”
“Oh, shut up Old Boy.”
John burst out laughing again and Jenson didn’t even take trouble over looking back when he heard the voice of his dad again.
“It’s in the loft if you’re interested!”
“Dad!”

*
Though Jenson tried to pretend he was not interested in that diary and made his childish little movements to prove it he found himself in the loft soon. He was searching for it everywhere; between the old useless junks, on the dusty shelves and in the big, stuck down boxes. Finally in one of them he found a smaller one from grey carton which used to be white in the past, but the dust and the passing time must have changed its colour. As Jenson opened it up he found a little black book there. It was like an engagements book, but as he pulled it out from there he recognized it.
It was the diary.
Jenson could feel the growing nervousness in his chest as he held the little object in his hands. It was years and years ago and now it was like if he was just holding a part of his own life, of his past. Such a weird feeling, and scary in a way. That feeling when you’re curious about something but in the other hand you don’t wanna know about it ‘couse you’re afraid of it. He feared for knowing about those already forgotten memories and feared for remembering of his actual age. Even if he never really mentioned it or was joking about it, he was really concerned. He was thirty-three years old now, in an age which should have been about the family, marriage and children, which was nice. But it also meant a retirement, the beginning of a new life and the ending of his career. Surely he knew the two things didn’t rule each other out but he always thought when the time would come he wants to concentrate to his family with all his heart.
The driver took a deep breath and opened the little book up. He wasn’t reading everything just checking on the pages, sometimes stopping at the seemingly interesting pages. There were long memos and also shorter ones. Some of them were not more but a date and a line next to it for description. It was a bit bittersweet turning the pages; remembering of all the nice memories was wonderful but in the other hand it was also painful to remember of all the troubles in his family. The divorce of his parents, to accepting his new mother... Actually he never accepted her completely. No matter what happened his real mother was always Simone. He just couldn’t forgive the other, then young woman for pulling apart his parents and his family. Probably it’ll always be a never heeling wound in his heart which makes him sad in a way, even if he contacted his real mother again. That’s why he tried to avoid this topic in his whole life.

As he was watching the memos in the book finally he found what he was searching for. On the first page about the event there was a date and a title:

‘1992 French Go-Kart CAMPionship’

The diary was full with records about the camp, shorter and longer notes, photos, quotes, sometimes drawings too. It seemed Jenson wrote in the diary almost every day, it was a real treasure-pit.
The driver was smiling as he was slowly studying the memories what he recorded in the past. They were all wonderful and funny stories, but one of them was more unique, way funnier than all the others. That note which was about his first meeting with Sebastian. It was not a long one, but it gave him a very special feeling. Those words were his first ever thoughts about the German driver after all. He couldn’t stop himself giggling as he was reading the bit rude lines.

“Today I met a really creepy kid. He just bumped into me when I was going to fixing my kart. Dad was angry with me when the boy fell down right after he left me behind and rushed away. He said it was all my fault ‘cause I didn’t look after him, but please, what more should I have done? I told him to be careful, I can’t help if he’s not just a miserable one but can’t even understand my language, I’m still not a mind reader and can’t use my telepathic gift for every upstarts. At least the boy’s father had some nice words to me. He thanked me to taking care of his son. The Old Boy totally lost his voice (and mind).”

All the sassiness in the words was so Jense the man was almost surprised. He’s always been a bit sarcastic and seditious, especially when he was a child; actually he was way worse when he was a kid, and though he grew up and calmed down a bit by this time, he still had that sense of sarcasm.
He was turning the pages over grinning on his thoughts. The other memories were not else either, they really made him laugh but the most startling thing was the length of the stories. As he was keep reading, the records became longer and more detailed, and it seemed at the end Sebastian had a constant role in all of them. It seriously made Jenson think about what his dad told him; that they were real friends in those days. Actually it was a surprising fact that Jenson used a special tone in his notes whenever he mentioned the German boy. Even after these years he could tell the way as he wrote about him was filled with pride and respect. The kid was just fantastic, a natural born talent who reached all the things what he couldn’t reach in the age of his, especially since he didn’t even use to karting in that time. He was already eight when he got his first kart.
What scared Jense the most was the fact that though just days before he was against the other driver with all his strength, that he was keep saying the man was not as talented as others thought him to be, that everything what he got in his life was because of his car and his team behind him and so on, now he couldn’t agree with these things anymore. He tried it, he felt a real urge to hating on the man but he couldn’t. He saw this guy as a child and he was as good in that time as he was now. Not just as a driver but as a person too.
And to top it all the most frightening thing among the frightening things was the thought that his biggest opponent was really his friend somewhere in the bygone. It made his flesh creep to think about how bizarre the life is. Sometimes it could mess everything up and we can’t even do anything against it, things just happen.
These were the times when Jenson realized how huge the world is, and how little the humans are.

He didn’t even notice how quickly the time passed by while he was studying the diary until he glanced at his wristwatch and it showed already 11pm. He almost gave up, his eyes were burning and his mind was numb by tiredness so he was just going to close the book but he couldn’t stop himself give it a last try. He turned a page one last time and then it was there. That particular note about the banquet. Jenson could tell it immediately since there was one of the photos which he saw about the event in the photo album before. The record was a pretty long one, Jenson could swear it was the longest one among all the others yet he wasn’t sleepy anymore. His heart was beating in his throat as he was staring at the pages and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to read it or not. He didn’t know what to expect from it and also had a weird feeling by the thought there wouldn’t be any more notes about the two of them. It was so nice to read those funny stories.
At last he took a deep breath just as he did when he was going to open the diary up and finally bent down to sinking in the memories.

“Dear Diary,
Today was the last day of the camp. We had a banquet just to saying goodbye to the event and each other. It was really fun! The Old Boy, Pippa and me went to the feast together. It was in a huge tent, I’ve never been in one like that before. Dad told me he talked to Norbert and Seb would come with all his family. I was a bit nervous to meet them, I only met his father before.
As soon as we stepped in the tent I found Seb. He was sitting on a chair around one of the tables, talking to some older girls beside him, while his parents were standing a few meters away. They occupied the seats to us which was really nice from them. Seb recognized me in a minute like he just felt my look on him, it was really funny. He waved toward the other chair beside him so I went there and took a seat next to him. Well, it turned out the girls on Seb’s other side were his sisters. They were really nice, they could even speak in English a bit. Anyway they didn’t stay so long, they went somewhere with a pack of girls so finally it was just me and Seb, and our parents of course. Or actually my stepmother. I like Pippa, I can’t tell I hate her. I just can’t accept her completely and can’t even trust her. Seeing this huge, happy family of Sebastian made me a bit sad somehow. It just reminded me how different this meeting should have been with my real mum and my sisters. Probably our sisters must have gotten along with each other.
However the night seemed to be so short. The food was fine, still French food is not going to be my favourite one ever. Norbert and dad were the jokesters of the night I think, I can tell the atmosphere was so good like during some Christmas party.
We laughed a lot with Seb about our own jokes too, even if I couldn’t always understand what he tried to tell me. He always has this type of body language just flails with his arms, sometimes even with his legs so even when I can’t get what he wants to say to me I can’t stop laughing at him. I think he’s the same. It’s really fun to be with him.
One of the funniest parts of the evening was once Sebastian stopped his gesticulations and was staring at the dancing crowed. There was this live music in the background which I also liked even if most of the times I’m listening rock music. It seemed Seb was deeply pondering about something as if he also wanted to dance or whatever, I never saw him like that before. Actually I don’t know what has taken me, I just had this extreme idea and asked him if he wanted to dance with me. Yeah, me. I told you it was extreme. So since I think he didn’t understand me (or was shocked, I can’t decide, but he was really out of words I can tell) I grabbed his hands and pulled him after me right to the dance floor. I don’t know how it works with guys since I only danced with girls before during school and kinder garden events, so I just held his hands and... Well, yeah. Step in one way, then step in the other. Nothing special. However we laughed a lot, it was one of the most ridiculous moments in my life. Our parents were laughing too and Norbert and my dad took a lot of photo about us. I think I don’t wanna see them ever, it was too embarrassing. Ok, I’m just kidding. Probably I will really miss this little kid. It’s still strange to think about this after our first meeting. I really thought he was a creepy one. Well, I still think so but in a good way. Don’t want tomorrow to ever come.”

It was so nostalgic to reading these words, lots of memories mixed in Jenson’s heart. As much as he was afraid of this memory he was so satisfied with it now. His dad was right; it was not that weird or embarrassing at all, actually it was a really nice memory which the driver now could remember of.
Jenson was sitting there on one of the boxes awhile just staring at the book, deeply burying in his thoughts and couldn’t decide if he could smile or not. Finally he must have, he couldn’t hold back the little smile forming in the corner of his lips. Then with a sigh he stood up and closed the diary not expecting the little piece of paper which fell down from the book. As he bent down to pick it up he already could see the little writing on it which was in another language. As he straightened and looked at the words he could tell it has been written by a child. It was not by handwriting but blocked letter, and he was almost sure there must have been some orthographical mistakes too yet the letters were beautiful for a writing of a five years old kid. Because Jenson was sure it was a message from Seb. He quickly opened the diary up again and searched the note about the feast. Right after that record as he turned a page once again there was a short line.

“Farewell gift from Seb”

Jenson looked back at the paper in his other hand, turning it, studying it as if he could understand the German words like that but finally he saw it wouldn’t help, so he put the chit back in the book and was going to close it when someone booed behind him and he almost threw it away.
“Hey!” Jessica welcomed him with a kiss on his cheek as he turned about and she hugged his neck around with her arms. “What are you doing?”
Jenson leaned to the offered lips and kissed his smiling girlfriend while hiding the diary behind his back.
“How did you find me?”
“Your dad told me where you could be found. He seemed to be a bit secretive, it was almost scary as he was grinning under his nose. What is this all about?
“What do you mean?”
“You know. You, in the loft, sitting on a box...”
“You saw it?” Jense couldn’t even hide the frightened look on his face.
“I’m here for a while now, yeah.”
“Then you should know. I didn’t do anything special just had a look around. I wasn’t here since my childhood.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I guess?” Questioning back was one of the best ways to veneering the lies.
“Then we should reconnoitre this place sometime, what do you think?”
“I think that time is not this time, I’m too tired now. Let’s go to sleep.”
With that Jenson dropped the little book carefully on one of the boxes and pulled the girl with him out of the place.
It seemed Jessica was a bit disappointed but she didn’t complain just follow his boyfriend down the stares. Jenson was in silence, his mind was filled with thoughts and it couldn’t even help when his gaze met his dad’s as the man left his own room next to Jense’s. It seemed the Old Boy was somehow enjoying the situation. The driver didn’t say a word, he turned his head in the other way and went right into his room. He didn’t even care about the little laugh what his dad let out as he closed the door behind him.
He sighed and stood there for a moment before took off his clothes and only with his boxers on him he tumbled on the bad and dropped off almost immediately, barely recognizing the inquiring look of his girlfriend next to him.