Fanfics
A few months ago I wrote some sebson fics and I uploaded them on my tumblr. Now I thought I’ll share them on my LJ too. Enjoy!
Title: Sin
Pairing: Sebastian Vettel/Jenson Button (SebSon)
Rating: PG!13
Word count: 3119
Summary: Seb and Jense have a relationship for a while... Or not really a relationship, actually they are sex partners. Seb is really happy since he's secretly in love with Jenson but there's something what is overshadowing his happiness. He can't forget about his duties and can't forgive himself the fact he's cheating on his girlfriend and takes everyone who he loves in, even his parents, his team and all his fans. So finally he makes a decision... But how will Jenson feel about this decision?
I’m at his door buried in thoughts and can’t enter his room. It’s happening again. It’s happening every time since we’re together and actually day by day it becomes worse and worse. What should I do? I can’t escape from myself, but I can’t do this anymore either. This sin is killing me. I can’t stand the feeling of guilt. At the first time when we were together I was so happy ’cause I could feel his scalding body on mine, his sigh on my skin. Because I could hear his sweet voice in my ears. And at the same time it was stifling. To know that what we did was unacceptable... It was disgusting. To enjoy this sinner delight was disgusting. Since that day whenever we’re together I can’t drive these hurting thoughts out of my mind. I can’t run away from them. I love Hanna, yeah, I really do, but it’s not the same anymore. I don’t want to hurt her, but then why am I doing this to her? And what about Jens? Did he ever regret what we’re doing even just for a moment? Or maybe I am the only one who cares about these things? What should I do, My Lord?
The voice of the opening door brings me back from my thoughts to the reality. When I lift my head up searching for one man who could stand in front of me, I notice Jens as he’s staring at me with a serious look.
- What happened? - he asks.
- Why?
- You’re late. And maybe I’m wrong but it seems like you’ve been standing here for a long time.
- Yeah, you’re wrong - I say with a smile on my face, but I can’t stand a sigh.
- Really?
- Yeah. I’m ok.
I don’t say more just enter the room and take off my shoes. But Jens doesn’t come in, he’s still standing at the door buried in his thoughts.
- Are you ok? - I ask him.
Then he glances at me with a strange look and shakes his head.
- Yeah, yeah, just thinking about something.
- What?
- Nothing special.
- It must be it.
- No, it’s not! - he says in a strong voice and comes closer to me.
It’s happening again. I can’t do anything, I can’t resist him, I just let him to embrace me, to kiss me ardently as I’m shaking in his arms.
His touches are burning my skin, his kisses are stroking my soul, it feels like I’m not in this world anymore. I’m flying in a sweet feeling and can’t see anything but him, even when my eyes are closed. My body is shaking from the delight what he gives me as his scalding body is moving above me and I can’t stop my voice as I’m moaning again and again. My hands are caressing his back while my nails are desperately clawing it as I lose my mind.
I open my eyes and staring the ceiling above us. Why? Why is it happening again? Or... Why can not we be together as a normal couple? Why do we have to live in a world like this? These thoughts are in my mind again and I can’t fight against them. What should I do, My God? We lost our ways. We are sinner. I’m sinner. I’m sinner ’cause I cheat on my girlfriend. I’m sinner ’cause I do it with a man. I’m sinner ’cause I’m enjoying it. But most of all I’m sinner ’cause the reason why I’m enjoying it is... I rally love this man.
I can feel as a teardrop’s sliding down on my cheek and after the first one I can’t hold back my feels anymore. I’m crying silently holding Jens closely. My tears are mingling with my sweat so I’m sure he won’t notice anything but a minute later I freeze as I feel his kisses on my face. He conceals my tears with his kisses. Then stops his moves and staring at me but I look away, I don’t want to look into his eyes. But when his hand is stroking my cheek I can’t resist him anymore. I look at him, and when I see his peaceful eyes I feel like I’m the worst man in the whole world. I don’t wanna lose him. I’m pulling him closer as much as I can and crying again. He doesn’t say a word, just kissing me, caressing me tenderly everywhere and keeps moving in a really slow way.
I don’t wanna thinking about these painful things anymore. I don’t want it. I’m just trying to enjoying the moment, enjoying him as we are together and trying to forget about what we’re doing now is absolutely not ok.
Then I’m lost in the spurious peace, in the sweet delight and just for a moment I believe that we are alone in the whole world and we can do everything what we want. That we can be together forever.
When my breath eases off I slowly open my eyes and look around in the dark room. Now I woke up from the dream world again. I know that all I thought to be possible just a minute ago is in vain. I feel as the darkness is climbing down onto my chest and compresses it more and more with all its strength. It’s like if I’m falling down from a high abyss and I can’t survive no matter what I will do.
I feel his eyes on me and when I look at him I can see his worried look.
- So? - he says.
- So what?
- This is my question too. What happened?
- Nothing - I say as I look away.
- You were crying.
I don’t know what should I reply to this. Actually I know it very well. But it’s too hard, my heart can’t stand this. I don’t care what will happen anymore, I just can’t say it out loud. But I must...
I take a deep breath as I’m trying to tell him what is in my heart, but only a sigh can leave my lips. I can’t say a word. I’m waiting for one more minute searching for the adequate words then I just say out quickly what I have to.
- It’s over.
He doesn’t say anything. Not immediately. He’s waiting for a few seconds trying to understand what I just said, but then he asks me back.
- What?
- It was the last time, Jens.
- What do you mean by this? - he asks in a really serious way.
- I mean what I just said. We have to finish this.
Then I carefully push him away and get up from the bed, get dressed and hurry to the door. But when I get it Jens stands in front of me and doesn’t let me out.
- Let me out - I say in a low voice.
- No.
- Jens! - my voice is so desperate but he doesn’t care about it at all.
- I won’t let you go ’till you won’t explain this shit to me.
- I said you. We have to finish this. I can’t do this anymore, Jens! Whenever we are together I feel like I’m dying and not in a good way. I hurt my girlfriend, I hurt my family and every people who believe in me. We take the whole world in! And everything what we do is sin. It’s filthy, it’s disgusting. I can’t stand this anymore, Jens!
- Filthy? Disgusting? - he says in a shaking voice and comes closer to me. I can see that he’s really angry with me. - Well it’s funny. ’Cause whenever we were together you always enjoyed it. Don’t tell me, you didn’t!
- I won’t.
- Then why? And you say it out just like this... Just decided it by yourself and didn’t even question me about it. What did you think?
- My decision is my decision. You can’t do anything, you can’t force me if I don’t want this anymore. Anyway why are you so mad? There was nothing in our midst but sex!
- Just sex? - his voice is really shaking and he has to squeeze the words out of his mouth. - You really thought about us as just lovers and not more?
- Why? Why are you like this? You knew it too, didn’t you? Then why is this question? I can't stand this anymore, Jens! I'm lying to my father, lying to my mother, to my family! I'm lying to Hanna! I'm lying to the whole world! I don't want this anymore! What will happen if everything comes to light? What will they think about me? My father... My pattern... My hero! He's so proud of me... I died if he’d get to know these things, please, understand it. I just can't stand these feelings anymore. This fear. This never ending worry! - I'm crying so hard as I’m speaking but after the last word I just take a deep breath and stop it. I can't be weak. I must be strong.
As I look up at Jens I can see his look on me. It's like if he saw a ghost or something. Then he gets angry, I can see it on his face and hear it in his voice as he's talking to me.
- So, you thought you're the only one who feels in this way? The only one who doesn’t want to take his family in? His father?! Or the whole world? What do you think? What am I? A monster or what? Let me tell you that I love my girlfriend, yeah. - I don’t want to hear about this, I'm just turning away from him and trying to not crying again. - But it's not the same anymore and you’re the only one who did this to me! I loved her but now I can't think about anyone or anything else but you. Whenever I'm with her I have this feeling in my heart and I could kill myself for what I'm doing to her. I don't wanna hurt Jess but don't know what should I do? And my career... I want a nice ending for it, not a scandal! You're young, there are lots of chances for you, but not for me! Could you imagine how am I feeling about you and this whole shit? So you're not the only one, Seb. It's hurting me too. But I can't resist you. I just can't.
I'm crying again. To hear what he says... Yeah. What did I think? How could I be so selfish? Why did I think I am the only one who is in pain?
- So you just realized what we were doing ’till this time was sin - he begins talking to me again. - That we took the whole world in. And how cruel we are with our girlfriends and everyone else... How childish! - his laughing ironically and I can’t understand him anymore.
- What?
- I thought you knew what we did. I thought it was clear to you. But it seems I misjudged you. You’re just a kid who doesn’t know anything.
- What do you mean? - Now I’m also angry with him. What does he want to tell me with this?
- You’re so selfish that you can’t see what's under your nose. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t care about a man like you. Now go away.
- Jens...
I really can’t understand him. What is that I just can’t see? Why did he say this?
- I said go. I don’t need you anymore - he says as he walks back to his bed and lies down on it.
I’m just standing there for one more moment, I don’t know what should I do? I feel like I have to know what is in his mind, but he was so rude that I don’t dare to ask him about it. I don’t want to hear any other cruel words from him so I slowly raise my hand up and put it on the door handle. But when I want to open the door, I hear a really low voice.
- I love you.
I freeze at the door and can’t breathe for a second. Maybe I just imagined what I just heard.
- What? - He doesn’t say a word so I’m trying again. - What did you say?
- I love you, you moron.
I’m staring at him with widen eyes and opening my mouth more and more. It can’t be the reality. It must be a dream.
- How... ? - I want to ask but I can’t end the sentence. Partly ’cause of me since I don’t know either what do I want to ask, partly 'cause of him, because he just interrupted me with his angry words as he sat up quickly.
- Seriously, Seb. What did you think, what I am? A selfish man who does everything without any feelings? You thought I don’t care about you? Did you really think you’re the only one who is in pain? How could you be so blind, Seb? I also feel guilty for everything what we do. That I cheat on my girlfriend and take the whole world in, every people who believe in me. I’m always afraid of one day everything comes to light and I have to give my career up, and that everyone will hate me. But I can’t resist you and actually I don’t want it either. If I can be with you then nothing else matters. But now I have to realize that you always saw me as a really cruel man. Why Seb? I thought it was obvious for you how I feel about you - he sighs and lies back on his bed. I can’t say a word I just want to cry. How could I be so stupid? - Forget it. You’re right, maybe we have to finish this. Maybe this is the best time to finish everything. We don’t have any reason to be together anymore. You can leave now if you want.
And I’m just standing there staring at his face and can’t take a step. I don’t want to leave him. I want to be with him forever. I don’t care about our sin anymore. If he really loves me then I could give my whole life up if I would have to. It doesn’t matter anymore.
I slowly set out for him while I take off my clothes again except my pants. My steps are so heavy just like my breath. My throat is burning as I try to holding back my tears. When I finally get his bad I sit down on it and I’m waiting for a moment. I'm just watching his face and I can’t help I can’t hold back my tears. I’m crying like a child and don’t want to hide it either. I lie down next to him and nestle up to him.
- I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry - I tell him again and again in my shaking voice while I’m holding onto him. I don’t want to lose him.
- What is it? You won’t leave me? - he says arrogantly but then he moves his hands and tenderly begins caressing my back.
- Never. Never in this life. I’m sorry Jens, I was so stupid. I was an idiot...
- Yes, you were.
- But why have not you said it ever? - I’m lifting my head up to look into his eyes.
- You haven’t said it either - he says and I know he’s right again.
- I love you - I whisper in a hoarsely voice and continue. - I was really selfish, yeah. I couldn’t believe that you can love me too. I only thought about me and my pain but never ever thought about your feelings. It’s my fault. But now I can’t leave you. I can’t live without you. I always feel like I’m dying ’cause of these guilty things but I really would die without you. I was afraid but now I don’t care anymore even if the hell will waiting for us I won’t let you go. Even if I feel like these feelings are killing me, even if I know well what I should have to do I just can’t resist you. Whenever I look into your peaceful eyes I calm down. You’re my shelter, Jens. I love you. I really do - I’m crying so hard again as I’m trying to talk to him about my feelings as I always wanted to do.
Then I can see a sad smile on his face and after a little sigh he’s just stroking my face.
- What are you talkin' about? You just said whenever you look into my eyes you calm down. But look at yourself! You’re crying.
- Yeah, ’cause I’m so happy. And so sad too at the same time. I don’t want to lose you, Jens.
I nestle up to him again letting him to keep caressing my back. I close my eyes and trying to calm down in his strong arms.
- So? What will you do?
- I won’t leave you.
He stops his moves and I scare from it for a moment but then I hear his serious, low voice in my ears.
- Could you promise me?
- Ha? - I look up into his eyes.
- I won’t believe in you if you won’t promise me.
I’m just staring at him and a few seconds later I say it in a very serious voice.
- I promise. I won’t leave you. I won’t let you go in this life ever.
He doesn’t say a word just stroking my hair but it tells me more than any words could do.
I lie down again pulling him closer and enjoying his tender touches in my hair, on my cheek, on my back... It’s so relaxing. It’s so peaceful it makes me feel like I'm flying. I don’t want to lose him ever.
’Cause of his loving touches and the heat of his body I’m almost fall asleep. But before I could really lost in my dreams I can hear his voice whispering into my ears.
- I won’t let you go ever. Even if you will beg me to let you go I absolutely won’t. I love you.
Title: Sin
Pairing: Sebastian Vettel/Jenson Button (SebSon)
Rating: PG!13
Word count: 3119
Summary: Seb and Jense have a relationship for a while... Or not really a relationship, actually they are sex partners. Seb is really happy since he's secretly in love with Jenson but there's something what is overshadowing his happiness. He can't forget about his duties and can't forgive himself the fact he's cheating on his girlfriend and takes everyone who he loves in, even his parents, his team and all his fans. So finally he makes a decision... But how will Jenson feel about this decision?
I’m at his door buried in thoughts and can’t enter his room. It’s happening again. It’s happening every time since we’re together and actually day by day it becomes worse and worse. What should I do? I can’t escape from myself, but I can’t do this anymore either. This sin is killing me. I can’t stand the feeling of guilt. At the first time when we were together I was so happy ’cause I could feel his scalding body on mine, his sigh on my skin. Because I could hear his sweet voice in my ears. And at the same time it was stifling. To know that what we did was unacceptable... It was disgusting. To enjoy this sinner delight was disgusting. Since that day whenever we’re together I can’t drive these hurting thoughts out of my mind. I can’t run away from them. I love Hanna, yeah, I really do, but it’s not the same anymore. I don’t want to hurt her, but then why am I doing this to her? And what about Jens? Did he ever regret what we’re doing even just for a moment? Or maybe I am the only one who cares about these things? What should I do, My Lord?
The voice of the opening door brings me back from my thoughts to the reality. When I lift my head up searching for one man who could stand in front of me, I notice Jens as he’s staring at me with a serious look.
- What happened? - he asks.
- Why?
- You’re late. And maybe I’m wrong but it seems like you’ve been standing here for a long time.
- Yeah, you’re wrong - I say with a smile on my face, but I can’t stand a sigh.
- Really?
- Yeah. I’m ok.
I don’t say more just enter the room and take off my shoes. But Jens doesn’t come in, he’s still standing at the door buried in his thoughts.
- Are you ok? - I ask him.
Then he glances at me with a strange look and shakes his head.
- Yeah, yeah, just thinking about something.
- What?
- Nothing special.
- It must be it.
- No, it’s not! - he says in a strong voice and comes closer to me.
It’s happening again. I can’t do anything, I can’t resist him, I just let him to embrace me, to kiss me ardently as I’m shaking in his arms.
His touches are burning my skin, his kisses are stroking my soul, it feels like I’m not in this world anymore. I’m flying in a sweet feeling and can’t see anything but him, even when my eyes are closed. My body is shaking from the delight what he gives me as his scalding body is moving above me and I can’t stop my voice as I’m moaning again and again. My hands are caressing his back while my nails are desperately clawing it as I lose my mind.
I open my eyes and staring the ceiling above us. Why? Why is it happening again? Or... Why can not we be together as a normal couple? Why do we have to live in a world like this? These thoughts are in my mind again and I can’t fight against them. What should I do, My God? We lost our ways. We are sinner. I’m sinner. I’m sinner ’cause I cheat on my girlfriend. I’m sinner ’cause I do it with a man. I’m sinner ’cause I’m enjoying it. But most of all I’m sinner ’cause the reason why I’m enjoying it is... I rally love this man.
I can feel as a teardrop’s sliding down on my cheek and after the first one I can’t hold back my feels anymore. I’m crying silently holding Jens closely. My tears are mingling with my sweat so I’m sure he won’t notice anything but a minute later I freeze as I feel his kisses on my face. He conceals my tears with his kisses. Then stops his moves and staring at me but I look away, I don’t want to look into his eyes. But when his hand is stroking my cheek I can’t resist him anymore. I look at him, and when I see his peaceful eyes I feel like I’m the worst man in the whole world. I don’t wanna lose him. I’m pulling him closer as much as I can and crying again. He doesn’t say a word, just kissing me, caressing me tenderly everywhere and keeps moving in a really slow way.
I don’t wanna thinking about these painful things anymore. I don’t want it. I’m just trying to enjoying the moment, enjoying him as we are together and trying to forget about what we’re doing now is absolutely not ok.
Then I’m lost in the spurious peace, in the sweet delight and just for a moment I believe that we are alone in the whole world and we can do everything what we want. That we can be together forever.
When my breath eases off I slowly open my eyes and look around in the dark room. Now I woke up from the dream world again. I know that all I thought to be possible just a minute ago is in vain. I feel as the darkness is climbing down onto my chest and compresses it more and more with all its strength. It’s like if I’m falling down from a high abyss and I can’t survive no matter what I will do.
I feel his eyes on me and when I look at him I can see his worried look.
- So? - he says.
- So what?
- This is my question too. What happened?
- Nothing - I say as I look away.
- You were crying.
I don’t know what should I reply to this. Actually I know it very well. But it’s too hard, my heart can’t stand this. I don’t care what will happen anymore, I just can’t say it out loud. But I must...
I take a deep breath as I’m trying to tell him what is in my heart, but only a sigh can leave my lips. I can’t say a word. I’m waiting for one more minute searching for the adequate words then I just say out quickly what I have to.
- It’s over.
He doesn’t say anything. Not immediately. He’s waiting for a few seconds trying to understand what I just said, but then he asks me back.
- What?
- It was the last time, Jens.
- What do you mean by this? - he asks in a really serious way.
- I mean what I just said. We have to finish this.
Then I carefully push him away and get up from the bed, get dressed and hurry to the door. But when I get it Jens stands in front of me and doesn’t let me out.
- Let me out - I say in a low voice.
- No.
- Jens! - my voice is so desperate but he doesn’t care about it at all.
- I won’t let you go ’till you won’t explain this shit to me.
- I said you. We have to finish this. I can’t do this anymore, Jens! Whenever we are together I feel like I’m dying and not in a good way. I hurt my girlfriend, I hurt my family and every people who believe in me. We take the whole world in! And everything what we do is sin. It’s filthy, it’s disgusting. I can’t stand this anymore, Jens!
- Filthy? Disgusting? - he says in a shaking voice and comes closer to me. I can see that he’s really angry with me. - Well it’s funny. ’Cause whenever we were together you always enjoyed it. Don’t tell me, you didn’t!
- I won’t.
- Then why? And you say it out just like this... Just decided it by yourself and didn’t even question me about it. What did you think?
- My decision is my decision. You can’t do anything, you can’t force me if I don’t want this anymore. Anyway why are you so mad? There was nothing in our midst but sex!
- Just sex? - his voice is really shaking and he has to squeeze the words out of his mouth. - You really thought about us as just lovers and not more?
- Why? Why are you like this? You knew it too, didn’t you? Then why is this question? I can't stand this anymore, Jens! I'm lying to my father, lying to my mother, to my family! I'm lying to Hanna! I'm lying to the whole world! I don't want this anymore! What will happen if everything comes to light? What will they think about me? My father... My pattern... My hero! He's so proud of me... I died if he’d get to know these things, please, understand it. I just can't stand these feelings anymore. This fear. This never ending worry! - I'm crying so hard as I’m speaking but after the last word I just take a deep breath and stop it. I can't be weak. I must be strong.
As I look up at Jens I can see his look on me. It's like if he saw a ghost or something. Then he gets angry, I can see it on his face and hear it in his voice as he's talking to me.
- So, you thought you're the only one who feels in this way? The only one who doesn’t want to take his family in? His father?! Or the whole world? What do you think? What am I? A monster or what? Let me tell you that I love my girlfriend, yeah. - I don’t want to hear about this, I'm just turning away from him and trying to not crying again. - But it's not the same anymore and you’re the only one who did this to me! I loved her but now I can't think about anyone or anything else but you. Whenever I'm with her I have this feeling in my heart and I could kill myself for what I'm doing to her. I don't wanna hurt Jess but don't know what should I do? And my career... I want a nice ending for it, not a scandal! You're young, there are lots of chances for you, but not for me! Could you imagine how am I feeling about you and this whole shit? So you're not the only one, Seb. It's hurting me too. But I can't resist you. I just can't.
I'm crying again. To hear what he says... Yeah. What did I think? How could I be so selfish? Why did I think I am the only one who is in pain?
- So you just realized what we were doing ’till this time was sin - he begins talking to me again. - That we took the whole world in. And how cruel we are with our girlfriends and everyone else... How childish! - his laughing ironically and I can’t understand him anymore.
- What?
- I thought you knew what we did. I thought it was clear to you. But it seems I misjudged you. You’re just a kid who doesn’t know anything.
- What do you mean? - Now I’m also angry with him. What does he want to tell me with this?
- You’re so selfish that you can’t see what's under your nose. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t care about a man like you. Now go away.
- Jens...
I really can’t understand him. What is that I just can’t see? Why did he say this?
- I said go. I don’t need you anymore - he says as he walks back to his bed and lies down on it.
I’m just standing there for one more moment, I don’t know what should I do? I feel like I have to know what is in his mind, but he was so rude that I don’t dare to ask him about it. I don’t want to hear any other cruel words from him so I slowly raise my hand up and put it on the door handle. But when I want to open the door, I hear a really low voice.
- I love you.
I freeze at the door and can’t breathe for a second. Maybe I just imagined what I just heard.
- What? - He doesn’t say a word so I’m trying again. - What did you say?
- I love you, you moron.
I’m staring at him with widen eyes and opening my mouth more and more. It can’t be the reality. It must be a dream.
- How... ? - I want to ask but I can’t end the sentence. Partly ’cause of me since I don’t know either what do I want to ask, partly 'cause of him, because he just interrupted me with his angry words as he sat up quickly.
- Seriously, Seb. What did you think, what I am? A selfish man who does everything without any feelings? You thought I don’t care about you? Did you really think you’re the only one who is in pain? How could you be so blind, Seb? I also feel guilty for everything what we do. That I cheat on my girlfriend and take the whole world in, every people who believe in me. I’m always afraid of one day everything comes to light and I have to give my career up, and that everyone will hate me. But I can’t resist you and actually I don’t want it either. If I can be with you then nothing else matters. But now I have to realize that you always saw me as a really cruel man. Why Seb? I thought it was obvious for you how I feel about you - he sighs and lies back on his bed. I can’t say a word I just want to cry. How could I be so stupid? - Forget it. You’re right, maybe we have to finish this. Maybe this is the best time to finish everything. We don’t have any reason to be together anymore. You can leave now if you want.
And I’m just standing there staring at his face and can’t take a step. I don’t want to leave him. I want to be with him forever. I don’t care about our sin anymore. If he really loves me then I could give my whole life up if I would have to. It doesn’t matter anymore.
I slowly set out for him while I take off my clothes again except my pants. My steps are so heavy just like my breath. My throat is burning as I try to holding back my tears. When I finally get his bad I sit down on it and I’m waiting for a moment. I'm just watching his face and I can’t help I can’t hold back my tears. I’m crying like a child and don’t want to hide it either. I lie down next to him and nestle up to him.
- I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry - I tell him again and again in my shaking voice while I’m holding onto him. I don’t want to lose him.
- What is it? You won’t leave me? - he says arrogantly but then he moves his hands and tenderly begins caressing my back.
- Never. Never in this life. I’m sorry Jens, I was so stupid. I was an idiot...
- Yes, you were.
- But why have not you said it ever? - I’m lifting my head up to look into his eyes.
- You haven’t said it either - he says and I know he’s right again.
- I love you - I whisper in a hoarsely voice and continue. - I was really selfish, yeah. I couldn’t believe that you can love me too. I only thought about me and my pain but never ever thought about your feelings. It’s my fault. But now I can’t leave you. I can’t live without you. I always feel like I’m dying ’cause of these guilty things but I really would die without you. I was afraid but now I don’t care anymore even if the hell will waiting for us I won’t let you go. Even if I feel like these feelings are killing me, even if I know well what I should have to do I just can’t resist you. Whenever I look into your peaceful eyes I calm down. You’re my shelter, Jens. I love you. I really do - I’m crying so hard again as I’m trying to talk to him about my feelings as I always wanted to do.
Then I can see a sad smile on his face and after a little sigh he’s just stroking my face.
- What are you talkin' about? You just said whenever you look into my eyes you calm down. But look at yourself! You’re crying.
- Yeah, ’cause I’m so happy. And so sad too at the same time. I don’t want to lose you, Jens.
I nestle up to him again letting him to keep caressing my back. I close my eyes and trying to calm down in his strong arms.
- So? What will you do?
- I won’t leave you.
He stops his moves and I scare from it for a moment but then I hear his serious, low voice in my ears.
- Could you promise me?
- Ha? - I look up into his eyes.
- I won’t believe in you if you won’t promise me.
I’m just staring at him and a few seconds later I say it in a very serious voice.
- I promise. I won’t leave you. I won’t let you go in this life ever.
He doesn’t say a word just stroking my hair but it tells me more than any words could do.
I lie down again pulling him closer and enjoying his tender touches in my hair, on my cheek, on my back... It’s so relaxing. It’s so peaceful it makes me feel like I'm flying. I don’t want to lose him ever.
’Cause of his loving touches and the heat of his body I’m almost fall asleep. But before I could really lost in my dreams I can hear his voice whispering into my ears.
- I won’t let you go ever. Even if you will beg me to let you go I absolutely won’t. I love you.