Is this thing on?
Novemeber 27, 2006
Overview: A piece of the puzzle has been MIA until now. Be open to receiving information in unusual ways and you'll soon find key knowledge -- and more -- just falling right into your lap. Make the most of it.
Extended: The line between you and other people is widening right now, as you are entering a phase of solo introspection. This is something to embrace, not to worry about. Even if your social life has not been extremely active lately, you will relish the separation between what is going on in your own life and what is going on in the lives of the people around you. This is your chance to step back from the world and bow out of social obligations. Get used to greater freedoms.
http://horoscopes.astrology.com/index/dailylongindex.html?ice=ast,scopes,ltex
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So yea, I will now be back to updating my LJ (hopefully) on a regular basis. Its been awhile so I am not sure if there will be many friends still using LJ to read it, but oh well. At the very least I can vent on here.
As I said its been awhile so I will give an update on things, the good, the bad and the annoyingly itchy.
The Good: First off I moved to a more comfortable room in the house here. More room, more storage space, more privacy. I can actually entertain company as we can close of this section of the house so my evil old senile dog doesnt bite my friends. Overall its going to be great once everything is finished to my liking. I need to add more shelves and get some art/posters on the bare walls of the room.
Well I had a panic attack months back, I likely already posted about it here but oh well I will post it again. One good thing came out of this, it got me going back to the doctor regulary and due to various changes I have dropped around 40-50 lbs in 6 or so months. So there is another good thing going on.
My mind seems to be working overtime. Writing down ideas for stories and such. Iv'e wanted to get into writing and become an author for awhile. Lately it just seems like my mind is on auto I have piles of notes for various ideas. Hopefully I can pull it all together and make something of it, it would be fantastic if I did that! I mean I go to sleep and I am still away even when I am tired alot thinking up ideas, this mind won't rest!
The Bad: I have high blood pressure, not obscenely high, but high enough that it concerns me and I am trying to lower it. I am on medication for it now.
Also on medication for panic attacks, I had a really horrific nightmare which I still do not wish to go into, needless to say it was so bad it actually sent me into a panic attack. Before the panic attack I could scarcely hear the beat of my heart if I concentrated on it.
Now I get into situations where I can hear and feel my heartbeat at most times. Even when its in its normal rythem the sound and feel is undeniable. That panic attack really must haved fucked me up some for the most part I am my normal self, but I go to sleep now and I sit there for a couple hours sometimes just listening to my heart beat as I try and pass out.
And of course I am currently uninsured so I have a stack of bills adding up from all these checkups with the doctors.
Also as great as my new room is I am living in the 1800's. The room itself is great, the electricity (or lack thereof) sucks hardcore. Everything was going great for the first two weeks. Then one morning while cleaning my rug the power blue. Ever since it has been an on and off again fight just to get my electricity to work.
I got it to work for a few weeks normally again after that somehow. Then I tried plugging in a new surge protector and it blew again. From then on all I could run was my tv and cable box.
Once I finally managed to convince the family to call an electrician we found a 'fix'. There was a loose wire connecting one of the upstairs cieling lights in the bedroom near mine, so I was told to plug my stuff in again. I do and everything is peachy.
Four days later I decide to turn my pc off so I can run my stand alone dvd player (I wanted to be safe and not have to much juice flowing at once). So I do this and everything is good... for 25 minutes then bam, fuck you Jim, no electricity for you. I reset the switch downstairs and can now run my tv and cable but the situation is still ridiculous. Now it is back to waiting on an electrician. Hopefully this time it wont take nearly 3 months to call one up...
Of course as if this isnt enough I have this hypocritical fuck head who seems to have been placed on this earth just to act like a douche bag everytime he sees me. He will remain nameless, I will only say his name begins with a T and ends with an S. Though I can take comfort in the fact that though he likes to piss of me, I am likely just pissing him off by just doing my thing.
The Itchy: About a year and a half ago I had a minor Psoriasis outbreak. It appeared on my left eyebrow, so of course it stuck out like a damn sore thumb. I wasnt overly worried as I have had outbreaks on my elbows many times, though it had been like two years since my last outbreak.
But for some reason it just stuck with me even up to this point. Iv'e got it on both eyebrows now, the back of my head, behind my ears, around my ears, on my elbows, one of my knees and a few very small patches on my legs and arms. Oh yea, and one really freaking annoying itchy huge one on my right arm. The shit is so itchy and looks aweful. Which is largely one of the reason I do not want to go out much anymore, I hate being seen like this, but of course that doesnt really help the matter. I would like to get back into the work force but unless I get this Psoriasis under control I can't do that, I just cant see myself working while I still have this going.
I have ointment for it tri-something or another. I of course havent used it as much as I should. The stuff is a pain to apply, sticky as hell and takes forever to wash off my hands, not to mention I am afraid when putting it on my eyebrows because I was pretty much told I could go blind if I got it in my eyes, what a fucking bonus, as if I wasn't stressed out enough already.
Ive been using the medication more and am doing my best to keep at it, hopefully in a few weeks I will notice some changes if I stay the course. Also did some research online and found a few other things to hopefully help get rid of this shit for awhile.
But my god it itches so bad sometimes. I swear I need some sort of a straight jacket setup so I wont be able to scratch. Of course then all the window crawling in my window at night would have their way with me and I would be helpless to their desires (Lol, ya... riiiighhht). The Psoriasis is one of the reasons I have been sleeping away alot of the days of late, I scratch less when I am passed out.
So: Between the Skin issue, the douche bag problem, the lack of electricity and a few other things I have been pretty stressed of late, ocassionially depressed, which is contributing to me sleeping more than I really should. But sometimes sleep is a good escape from reality, a break if you will.
Of course losing as much weight as I did is a big plus, so not everythings bad. As uncomfortable as my life is sometime it goes on :)
~DZX
