the past...?

[dznuts]

i just was thinking about what a cunt i've been
to matt in the past. I think things are better
now, but i still feel really shitty about it.
like, matt's awesome, why was i such a meanie?
i musta felt threatened or something like i was
gunna lose my bestie... oh fuck makin excuses
for myself... im just a bitch. but i think im
gettin better? well im at least workin on it.
its sad cuz i love matt and i think if i hadnt
said all the fucked up shit i once said, we could
probably be better friends now. but! im happy him
and jess love eachother a lot and are happy... thats
all that really matters, not whether or not matt n i
are friends. its also lame cuz since i use to b such
a jerk to him, everyone thinks i like, hate him... and
i dont at all. like my sisters and my mom are
always like 'dont u hate matt' and im like fuck no.
i think jess was right, i prob do tend to point
out other people's flaws and judge others, but its
just bcuz im so judgemental of myself, and i do
wanna take the attention away from me. i dunno y im
concentrating on things that happened a long time
ago... its not gunna do any good. but i do hope they
kno i didnt mean anything of it and i really do regret
ever being anything other than a friend to them.
if i was rich, id make up for it with christmas presents!!!
and buy their love...? yea, i dont think that would work. :)
basically what im tryin to say is, jess n matt r pretty
much the dopest people to ever walk the planet.
and i feel really lucky to be able to call them my friends!